Friday, May 22, 2015

Plot Device Gone Awry…

I certainly didn’t mean any harm.  Lori kind of took on a life of her own. I began to think she was real as well.  My intentions were to make things more interesting for my readers.  I just wanted to spice the blog up some. I assure you 95% of the blog is real and is my life. I couldn’t make up what is on most of this blog. I apologize to you all my readers.  I always had to learn my lessons the hard way and let’s hope I learned this lesson well.  Again, I am sorry.

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Sleepy Eye Come Soon. I Call for You…

I wrote Sleepy Eye and immediately thought of Little House on the Prairie.  The Ingalls were always headed to Sleepy Eye for some reason or another. I used to ask my grandmother why Minnesota always looked like southern California where the episodes where filmed. I didn’t know that at the time.

I can’t sleep this morning so I put on some calming tunes and am drinking only Sprite Zero.  Maggie’s already in the bed per our routine.  I laid down for about 45 minutes, but couldn’t drift off.  I have too much brain clutter I am thinking about this morning.  I am hoping to be asleep by noon and sleep until 8 or 9 close to time for the medication ritual.  That would be ideal.

Solving Myght's Tower

Echolocation Canyon…

I am sitting here taking a break from gaming to listen to an Andrew Bird recording he recorded in a natural canyon.  It is mainly orchestral and it tantalizes my ears. I managed to find a copy recorded in the .FLAC format (free lossless audio codec) and you can hear the music with acute clarity on my Infinity speakers.  I also found out there was a new Sufjan Stevens album out, Carrie and Lowell, and I grabbed it off of iTunes.  Alas, it is in mp3 format, but the sun will still rise in the morning and shine on my little world.

It is very nice having my father home.  That old saying you don’t know what you’ve got until it is gone holds true to this matter as well.  Dad and I have been doing some serious talking on the phone. He showed up tonight for the medication ritual and Maggie went bonkers when she saw his Honda pull up to the curb in front of my house. My father thoroughly enjoyed the homecoming the Magster gave him.  It was two weeks due.

I vaguely remember someone telling me that the artificial sweeteners in diet drinks are poison.  Well, a new study revealed that not one person died last year due to a food additive. That certainly was heartening to know.

Monday, May 18, 2015

Drum Roll Please…

Yes, the Grand Poobah is home.  I drove over to get my sodas and my cousin’s car was parked under the portico.  I knew then dad was home.  I walked up the steps and he gave me the biggest bear hug.  He seemed really excited to be home. 

“We’ll get your groceries tonight,” he told me. “We’re going to get back on schedule.”

In all the hula-boo-lah, I forgot to get something to eat.  There is nothing to eat in this house, but some stale bread in the freezer.  We’ll see if it tastes better out of my toaster oven.  Hell, I don’t even have any mayonnaise so I can’t have mayonnaise sandwiches.  I think I will head down to Taco Bell in a few minutes.  I could use a few big beef burrito supremes.

I Love You Long Time…

Mom has “visiting with the Catholic ladies” on Monday. Every Monday afternoon several older women from the church get together to gossip and eat finger foods that Jim prepares.

“Do you know what Jim told me today?” my mother asked my father and I.

Jim is one of the husbands of the ladies that hosts this meeting.

“He told me he could make me feel good all over!” mom exclaimed.

Dad and I roared with laughter.  Jim is in his eighties.

“I guess I am going to have to quit going,” my mother told my father and I. “He is just a dirty old man.”

“If Jim can make a Wheeler woman feel that good, then all the power to him,” my father irreverently said as he laughed.

I’ll Have Mine with Lots of Cream and Sugar…

That’s what I told my server when she asked me if I wanted a cup of coffee.  It was one of those rare moments in my life that I decided to drink the stuff.  It wasn’t half bad I might add. I added cream and sugar until I was content.

Normally, I would drink soda at the Waffle House as they have free refills.  I usually slosh as I make my way to my car.

“You ready to order, hon?” my server then asked with her order pad in hand.

“Yeah, get me the ham and cheese omelet and an extra order of toast,” I replied.

The server barked out the order to the short order cook as he got busy.  I sat mesmerized at a barstool behind the grill watching him seemingly effortlessly prepare my meal. I was just starving as there wasn’t anything but chicken bones to eat at my house and it is grocery day.  Charlie had brought Popeye’s last night around 8pm.

Just my luck.  Of all the empty seats in the Waffle House, a man entering sat next to me at a barstool.  He reeked of stale cigarette smoke and beer.

“Ma’am?” I then asked. “Get the cook to prepare a to-go order of bacon and sausage as well.”

That was for the Magster.  I think she might just be a little overjoyed for getting and eating some crispy bacon and she was. 

The Patriarch Returns Home…

The Grand Poobah arrives home today some time after a two week absence.  I am itching to get to see him.  I want him to tell me all about his journeys.   Despite our differences over the years, I have missed him dearly.

Albert Odyssey

Saturday, May 16, 2015

Clean, Soft, and Fresh…

I am up very early today. I’ve been sleeping until 7pm.  I washed all my sheets, padding and comforters overnight and couldn’t wait to get in them this morning at 7am.  I crawled in the bed and went sound asleep as soon as Maggie got situated on the bed.  She has to dig at her cooties for awhile, you know?

Trevor asked if the quarter pounder was all right.  McDonald’s burgers keep getting smaller and the prices keep going up. Have you seen how little beef that is in a Big Mac?  I love the little disclaimer on a quarter pounder box that says the weight was before cooking.   It was okay to be honest.  Beggars can’t be choosers as the old saying goes.

Mom gave me all the mac and cheese left over from yesterday.  It was this big ass Tupperware bowl of macaroni and cheese.  I’ve already eaten two bowls and I’ve only been up an hour or two.   Mom’s fretting today because I am out of gas and my low fuel light is on.  It just drives her crazy when dad and I pull these kinds of stunts.  I am going to wait until about 3am this morning to go gas up when the whole town is asleep.  If I go now, it will be bedlam at the Circle K. 

The Secretary Frets – It is What She Does…

That just marked the fifth call about my getting gas at the Circle K.  Mom will badger me until I drive down there and fill up my car with gas.

“What time will Charlie be there?” mom asked me.

“About 9:30pm tonight,” I replied.

“I am going to call his cellphone and get him to make sure you fill up your car with gas,” she told me.

“Mom? You’re obsessed!”

“I know. I can’t help it,” she replied. “What if you needed to drive to the hospital?”

“I’d call an ambulance,” I retorted. “GEEZ!”

The 7th Call…

Thankfully, this call was not about gasoline. Mom told me she impulse bought some Little Debbie honeybuns.

“Helen needed milk and cheese for the macaroni and cheese and I bought them while in the Piggly Wiggly,” she told me.

“Put them in the microwave for about 10 seconds and they are delicious,” I told her and she said she would.

The 8th Call…

“Let me ride with you so I can make sure you get some gas,” my mother told me. “Pick me up under the portico.”

So away I went to find my mother sitting in her pajamas under the portico waiting on my arrival.

“What if we run out of gas on the way to the Circle K and you are in your pajamas?” I asked.

“Oh, I didn’t think about that,” my mother said with even more frets, but it was too late.  We were already headed to the Circle K.

A Quarter Pound of Love…

Charlie called me last night wanting to know if a quarter pounder with cheese would be okay.

“I will eat anything you bring me,” I told him as he chuckled.

Mom then called.

“Helen’s got your meal ready. Do you want to drive over and pick it up?” she asked.

I called Charlie to see if it was okay and to see if I had time.

“I’m halfway to your house,” Charlie told me.

I finally got all my ducks in a row and got everything delivered and situated.  Helen cooked cube steak and gravy, black-eyed peas, mac and cheese, candied yams, and cornbread.  We also had a side of pear salad. I put Helen’s meal in the fridge and ate the quarter pounder.  I wanted to savor Helen’s meal last.

Friday, May 15, 2015

We’re Old Timers You See?

scrambled-eggs-mI just fixed the Mags and I a slam bang big breakfast.  These big breakfasts are why I am gaining a lot of weight lately. Breakfast foods are so calorific. I get sleepy after eating all of that and go to bed on a full stomach.  My jeans were tight last night when I put them on before Charlie arrived.  I ate four scrambled cheese eggs this morning compared to Maggie’s two. I also made homemade biscuits and relished them with butter and strawberry preserves.

Do you ever have or have had secret crushes?  I’ve got teenager-esque crush on a friend who is a Facebook friend of mine. My eyes always light up when I see her online and posting. She will probably never know the truth and maybe that’s for the best.  She’s single with dependent children and Johnny Otis would love for me to have a ready made family move in. LOL

I spent all night playing an emulated Sega Saturn game called Albert Odyssey The Eldean Saga. The hours just fly by when I am role playing like that.  Mom asked me the other day what makes games so popular these days.  I told her a good role playing game is like reading a good interactive book and then she could finally relate.  I told her gaming these days is a “competitive” sport and nothing like the old school role playing games I play all night.  I was an old timer.  I grew up on Final Fantasy and Phantasy Star.

Thursday, May 14, 2015

An Abrupt Awakening…

2337867024_b6a23a6ae6Maggie and I were still in the bed asleep.  It was about 6:30pm.  We would soon stir for another night, but we were awakened abruptly woken by a loud knock on the door.  Maggie flew off the bed and let me know it was a family member with squeals and barks of joy.

“Coming!” I said loudly as I pulled on some shorts that were laying were I left them when I went to bed.

It was my mother and she wanted me to go with her to eat at the Zen House Chinese restaurant. 

“Mom?  I am not dressed and still really groggy from being woken up,” I told her apologetically.

Mom left and I couldn’t get her on her phone for over an hour.  I was beginning to wonder if she got in a traffic accident.  I finally got her on the phone and she went by herself to eat some sweet and sour pork. I laughed and smiled at her moxie.

“Well, I was really hungry and went anyway,” she said.

Mom looked really pretty today and was all dressed up ready to go out to eat.  She had her hair done and her makeup professionally applied by Merle Norman. I call it having a big hair day because mom was all cocky and sure of herself. She knew she looked pretty.

Maggie Had Decided that Charlie Wasn't Coming…

funny-doormats-7Charlie was on dog hair patrol when he finally arrived at 9:30pm.  He furiously swept my house.  Maggie thought he would never come and finally gave up and went to lay out in the cool air on the back deck. Charlie got one of Maggie’s grandest greetings home she had ever given any of us. She was really “talking” to Charlie.

“Is it going to rain tonight?” Charlie then asked me as he swept my hall.

He also checked my furnace filter to get the size to buy another fresh one.

“It is going to start at any moment,” I replied looking onto the proceedings.

I had called mom and told her the weather may get bad overnight and I told Charlie the same.

“Shit!” Charlie said. “I’ve got furniture on the back of your daddy’s truck! I drove it to work today.”

Charlie finished his business and got on the phone to rustle up someone to move furniture before it was ruined.

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Oh Charlie? Where Art Thou Charlie?

Arbys_beef_fries_sauce_2Charlie was really late tonight belying the fact that his wife didn’t cook.  He left my house at 10pm.  I was wholeheartedly glad to get my medications (which are just now kicking in).

I got a double meal deal tonight.  Mom brought burritos from the Mexican restaurant and Charlie brought me my favorite fast food, Arby’s. I could eat Arby’s every day if I could afford it.

“I got you the giant roast beef just like you like it,” Charlie told me as he sat the heavy sack of food on top of my entertainment center.

Mom called Charlie three times while he was over here.

“Your mother is on a mission tonight. She’s busy,” Charlie said playfully as he laughed. “She’s keeping up with our Helen and when she is supposed to work.”

I want more of Helen’s tuna salad sandwiches.  Those things are decadent and soooo delicious..


UPJ00940I noticed mom was acting funny when she came in to see Maggie after eating at the Mexican restaurant.

“How many Xanax have you taken?” I bluntly asked my mother knowing what was wrong.

She was acting like she was going in slow motion and her speech was slurred.

“I took four,” she said. “My nerves are acting up today.”

“I bet your ‘nerves’ are feeling mighty fine about now,” I replied.

There is no telling how many mom actually took.

“I am driving you home and Charlie and I will bring your car back tonight,” I told her.

“Where did you get the Xanax?” I then asked my mother knowing Charlie’s been giving them to her.

“I always keep a secret stash of them hidden away,” mom replied honestly.

I am surprised that this hasn’t happened sooner while my father was gone.  Mom gets lonely and she self medicates.  She said she didn’t want to go home and be alone.  I told her she could stay over here as long as she wants.  She could lay on my bed and watch television while I am on the computer.

Now you all see where I get it from? Right?  I got the addiction genes from both sides of the family. Dad always says I got the worst of him and mom both.

I drove mom home and it was a quiet drive.  Mom wasn’t saying much.

“I didn’t mean to take so much,” she said.

“I know,” I replied kindly. “Don’t worry about it and we will bring your car back in a few hours.”

The Sleep of Ages…

LunarI got in the bed at 9am after playing Lunar: The Silver Star all night.  I was as if I blinked my eyes and it was 7pm.  I had turned the air conditioning down low and Maggie was glued to my side trying to get warm.  Then she let me know she was hungry after she realized I was awake.  It was like a meat locker in my house and I set the air conditioning on 78 degrees to warm things up a bit. I stumbled half asleep into the laundry room to get Maggie a bowl of food.  She will only eat it if I bring it back to my bedroom.

I still haven’t heard from my father.  Mom or Charlie hasn’t either. It was if he just disappeared from our lives.  He must be having a good time – too busy to call.  I tried to call him and it dumped me straight into his message service.  I left a message and then hung up.

Soon, Charlie will be here.  He leaves Dadeville at 6pm our time and gets home at 7pm.  Janice cooks every night, but Wednesday night as she has church.  I am hoping I will see Charlie a little earlier tonight because of that. Charlie will have to take Horsefly to KFC for his chicken finger meal and possibly bowling.

Mom brought me my number 9 Mexican meal tonight.  I have yet to eat it fearing to take my medications on a full stomach.  I like to feel their full effect on an empty stomach.  It takes them exactly one hour to soak in.  Then I will feel light headed and floaty – quite a nice feeling honestly. It is the only “high” I get these days and it is physician sanctioned.

Watch Andrew Smile…

0618f-milkyway-ns-40pMom just called me wanting a large Milky Way candy bar.  I smiled. She’s got the munchies. 

“Mom, Charlie hasn’t arrived yet, but we will get one tomorrow night,” I told her. “I want a few pickled sausages.”

“Do they make an ice cream version of the Milky Way bar?” mom curiously asked.

“They certainly do and we will get one tomorrow night,” I replied.

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

El Problamo…

“Charlie?” I asked dubiously as he was giving me my medications tonight. “Something is wrong unless I am taking Xanax now.”

“Oh holy shit!” Charlie blasphemed. “I am giving you your mother’s medications!”

I laughed, but Charlie was utterly serious.  We got things straightened out, though, when Charlie walked out to his car and got the correct medications. 

“Here’s your jumbo fish plate,” Charlie said handing me pack after pack of malt vinegar. “And I got you a gigantic coke with no ice just like you like it.”

I thought it was very, very interesting that Charlie was giving my mother her medications as well.  I guess mom’s days of drunken Xanax debauchery are over.

The Grand Tour of Europe…

Mom and I haven’t heard from my father.  I called his cellphone and left a silly message.  Mom was beginning to worry the worry wart she is.

“International calls are not exactly easy and they are very costly as well, ”I told my mother.

Dad will be home next Monday.  It seems like an eternity. 

Monday, May 11, 2015

Maggie is a Can of Mixed Nuts…

Diana, I am unsure of what breed she is.  She’s certainly a mixed breed. Possibly some poodle in all likelihood. Dad says she's got a lot of wire haired terrier in her as she has very wiry hair. I think she has a tad bit of narcolepsy as well – she will just drop and sleep on a moment’s notice.