Thursday, October 30, 2014

Sometimes I Wish Maggie Were a Rat Terrier…I Also Wish I Were a Millionaire…

Maggie alarmed me and was just whining and barking up a storm a moment ago.  I walked into the kitchen where Maggie was whining to investigate.  One of our unwelcomed rodent’s life was about to be snuffed and was taking his final gasp of air.  I quickly put the vermin in a plastic bag and took it out to the trash can in the front yard. One down and how many to go?

Mags? May the Force Be With You! The Benevolent Force of Nature that is…

Lounging%20in%20the%20backyard%20004[3]Tomorrow at 11am is Maggie’s rescheduled veterinarian appointment and we are going to do her yearly check-up and booster shots as well.  Poor Magster!  This scares her to death and it is uncomfortable for me to put her through this rigmarole as well.  Maggie and I are pretty homebound souls these days preferring plush and warm Laz-E-Boy recliners over cold stainless steel examination tables. 

Maggie will usually relieve her bladder at an inopportune time so I am using some forethoughtful thinking and taking some old, but laundered towels with me.   Last year, she peed all over me and my Jeans.  Sometimes I really have my doubts as to whether to put her through all this or to just be complacent about the status quo, but I would never forgive myself if something happened to Maggie’s health due to my negligence and lethargy about the matter.

Tones of Home…

Maggie gave Pops a grand pomp and circumstance filled greeting tonight. I am surprised a marching band and a color guard didn’t make its way through the yard as my father entered the house.  I felt horrible mentally last night and my father said Maggie knew I wasn’t feeling well thus her very subdued greeting last night.  We are all healthy today and could rejoice tonight. Cue the marching band!

A moment ago, after my father left, I was out in the backyard with a flashlight or torch as the British call them.  I wanted to make sure there wasn’t any rat poison that Maggie could reach.  You can never be too careful is what I kept saying to myself. I locked the door to the basement firmly before I came upstairs.

The Supreme Exterminator…

arnold_schwarzenegger-wideMakes you think of Arnold Schwarzenegger and the Terminator films, right?  Well, we didn’t need that kind of exterminator, but we still needed some help.  I had put out rat poison all about the house where Maggie couldn’t reach it and the rats still kept coming.  It was like being caught in the middle of a Mongol horde. They just kept coming and coming.

This morning I had a meek sounding knock on my door.  It was the professionals – exterminating professionals that is.

“I took care of your pests,” the almost albino looking African descended fellow told me. “Call us if you have any more problems.”

I let loose a big sigh of relief and immediately called my father to thank him.

“Those little sons of bitches were getting awfully bold,” I told my father after profusely thanking him for the help.

I swear my kitchen sounded like a demolition or construction zone.  Next thing you know, PETA will be knocking at my front door. If they can come trap them, then they can have them.

And the Beat Goes On…

Chiles-rellenosWe are starting to get back to situation normal around here (condition SNAFU).  My businesslike and dearest mother just called and wanted to know what I wanted from the Mexican restaurant, El Rio Grande, tonight.

“Get me the chilies relleños,” I told my mother being the river boat gambler I am and then I described to her what’s in the dish.

“It is beef and cheese stuffed poblano peppers,” I told my mother.

The last time I ordered this dish they screwed it all up using bell peppers as the stuffed peppers in this dish.  The should have just said they were out of poblanos. 

Mom and Mrs. Sandra will no doubt get the same two dishes they have gotten for years at this restaurant, taco salad and a half order of nachos grande.  I would die from the mediocrity of these two dishes.

Let’s Get This Computer Show on the Road…

monitorAs agreed upon by my father and me, I am given the opportunity of buying a one hundred dollar or less computer part every month.  I call this my “quit smoking” money and I am going to put it to good use.  Matt, at the pharmacy, is going to order me a 19” Asus computer monitor for the first part in a series of parts I already have planned and lined up.  Let’s not forget Christmas as well which is going to be grand with computer goodies.

A Weary Downtrodden Soul…

In Alcoholics Anonymous, the saying is that if you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, then you may be ready to take the high road to recovery.  Nothing bad is happening to me other than the periodic cycling of my sleeping habits.  I couldn’t do this and work a job as well.  I am in a stay up all night mode which leaves me feeling tired and unrested all the time. There is a reason why most people sleep during the night hours. Our natural and genetically imprinted circadian rhythms encourage us to sleep at night.

Let Me Tell You A Little Bit About My Dog…

Maggie Black and WhiteNo, I am not going to show you photos of the Magster when she was three.  I just wanted to brag on her some.  I stayed up most of the night using my iPad as a portal to the internet – pleasurably ensconced in my Laz-E-Boy.   Maggie climbed up into the recliner with me and slept until I had to move my legs a couple of hours later as they had fallen asleep.  I took a potty break and refilled my ginormous glass to the brim with sweet tea.  Maggie braved the harsh cold 40 degree temperatures to potty as well.  She let off some loud and menacing barks to let the neighborhood know she was still top dog around here.  I was then away on my internet journey again and my dog was back asleep at my feet.  We make a pretty good team.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Ah, Did I See Sunlight Peirce the Gloom?

SADIt was supposed to rain today, but Mother Nature loves to keep the weather guessers guessing. It does look too dreary to leave the safe confines of my humble abode, though. It is about time for my seasonal affective disorder to make an appearance and start for another year.  The early setting sunlight at dusk just adds to the disorder and depression.  The time change will be the last proverbial nail in my coffin. 

They say to inhabit the brightest and most sunlit rooms of your home.  I also read that in Japan they “pipe” in and “magnify” sunlight to their interior offices and high-rises with fiber optic cables and mirrors to fight SAD and office fatigue all to increase the productivity of their workers.

I was sound asleep a moment ago when Mrs. Maggins decided it was time for us to get up.  Every time I would close my eyes Maggie would bark loudly.  Slight hint maybe?  Maggie is one determined little soul let me tell you. She will not give in or take no for an answer.  I got up, bed head and all, muttered something about who owns who, and ambled into the kitchen for a cold glass of Milo’s sweet iced tea.  I was supposed to take Maggie out to the veterinarian for a follow up visit about her leg today.  Well,  that obviously got postponed.  I’ve chosen to be a hermit and Maggie seems to be doing just fine.

We’re having sloppy joes or Manwiches for dinner tonight.  I even have a slice of cheesecake for dessert. It is so mighty fine to have food back in this house.  

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Slushes, Along With People Watching, and Some Motherly Badgering and Advice Thrown in for Good Measure…

Sonic slushMom had called me this afternoon.  It was the first time the phone had rung all day which I thought was very odd and a blessing in disguise as well.  She was very excited about going to Sonic.  I told her I would take her this afternoon.  Now that we’ve discovered slushes, it is so much more economical to go and get our sweet fix. It is $2.21 for two large slushes.

“I promise I am going to get my groceries tonight,”  I told my mother as we sat, slurped, and people watched.

She wanted to know what I got for my groceries as usual – living vicariously through me.  My mother got so outdone with me for not getting groceries last night. That is serious stuff to her.

What did you eat today?” my mother asked worriedly.

“Peanut butter and strawberry preserves sandwiches,” I replied.

“I just didn’t feel well last night or like putting up with my father’s pompous, putting on airs, crap,” I told her.

Mom got tickled and giggled at what I said about my father.

The sour green apple slush was calling me, but I got the sour blue raspberry slush with sour Nerds candy sprinkled throughout.  Mom headed for the Caribbean and got the tropical coconut splash.

Who’s That Girl?

whosthatgirlThat was some of Madonna’s music I was listening to as I pulled into the parking lot to the Circle K early this morning.  I had a hankering for my most favorite of dinks – the Sobe Citrus energy drink.  I had probably listened to this tune a thousand times in high school.  It seemed fresh and new after all these years without listening. Once again, I am on nocturnal status.  It just happens to me from time to time.

The clerk, a gruff looking black lady, was beginning to mop the floor as I stepped into the building.

“I will be in and out of your hair in a moment’s notice.  I just want a fountain drink,” I told her.

She frowned unhappily!

I prepared my drink, grabbed some packs of fresh sour cream and chives crackers,  handed the happy clerk her $4.85 cash, and headed back to my casa.

Monday, October 27, 2014

Up Before the Crows Fly…

gossipSomeone said something last night and I felt as if I was struck with a deadly dagger in the back when it came back around to me.  Dad should be careful what he says to my mother as she will repeat it. Just like the silly gossip little girls say in school,  It just devastatingly hurt my feelings, though.  I keep repeating to myself that I live in a virtual Taj Mahal considering many 3rd world countries – that I should keep a stiff upper lip and move on with my life.

Here’s the skinny.  My mother told me this week that they finally, after years of being on the market, sold my late grandmother’s house.  She got the large check just the other day.  My father then told my mother to not tell Andrew as he would want some money for that computer stuff he he likes to do. Well, that was just a devastating blow to my psyche and feelings.

“You're daddy said to say nothing to you at all about it,” my mother told me over the phone.

It could be a lot worse, couldn’t it?  I don’t live in squalor and I have a decent life.  I just need to grow some thicker skin. I love my father.  I really do, but he can be a difficult man to get along with sometimes.

The Princess Beckons for Her Breakfast…

Her royal majesty, the Princess of Mauritania and Maratouse, got my last three eggs this morning scrambled.  I toasted some cheesy and gooey cheese toast in my little toaster oven.  It is good that it is grocery day because my coffers are almost bare. I think I have some Chef Boyardee cans collecting dust in the cabinet over the stove. I seem to very much walk a thin wire every week when it comes to groceries and making it through the week without being hungry on Monday.

Sunday, October 26, 2014

No, It Won’t Get You Drunk, But it Does Go Swimmingly Well With Cornbread…

Jenni --

Pot-liquor = The word or phrase is primarily used In the Midland and the Southern U.S. It is the broth in which meat or vegetables, as salt pork or greens, have been cooked.  Kind of like a poor man’s soup.

The Call of Duty…

taco supremeNothing stops Sunday night chicken. No rainstorms, sleet, or snow. Nothing. Horsefly must have his nightly chicken finger meal or all hell will break lose.  The two most prominent men in my life just embarked towards home, but not before giving me that old Taco Hell treatment.  I got two burritos supreme and two hard-shell tacos supremes tonight. Queerly, my father has come about face regarding Mexican food and is eating taco supremes after these food runs for the family.  He will mumble something about heartburn and indigestion and still eat away. Mom will be sitting next to my father at the kitchen table while they eat as she frets and asks my father thousands of worrisome questions.

“That’s why they have that little purple pill, Nexium,” I told my father with a smug grin earlier today. “You’re a pharmacist so you should know.”

“You’ve been watching too much television!” my father replied with a chuckle as well.

Little Furry Sings the Blues…

Maggie sleepingWell, my furry little diminutive daughter can no longer jump up and off the bed. Each night when we are ready to retire, I pick her quite hefty self up and put her on the bed and she then lets me know when she has to go potty by morning time. I then pick her up and put her on the floor so she can go face her day. That back bedroom queen sized bed is just too tall for the Maggins to jump upon causing injuries mainly when she jumps off.

Charlie just has brought wonderful Sunday morning breakfast biscuits so all of us are happy, post gluttonous, and full. Today’s featured entrée was sausage, egg,.and cheese biscuits. Maggie put on her grandest and most spectacular greeting show ever for Charlie and that is not hyperbole. I was still grinning as Charlie left. I love it when Maggie gets happy and joyful like that.

“Bless your dear little heart!” Charlie laughingly and lovingly said as he came inside for a few minutes to see the Magster.  Maggie was barking so loudly Charlie and I couldn’t hear each other talk.  Charlie couldn’t stay long as he had plenty more biscuits left to deliver. My father likes it when I call Charlie the Sausage Biscuit Fairy. It causes uproarious laughter to be emitted by my father. Charlie will laugh as well when he hears me say it.

In a moment, I am driving over to my parent's house and I am getting my Helen to-go plates. I have two plates in my parent’s fridge awaiting me and my arrival. There is nothing much better in my opinion than turnip greens, pot liquor, and Southern style sport pepper hot sauce.

Friday, October 24, 2014

I’ve Got a High Maintenance, High Strung Kind of Gal…

gas pricesAnd I wouldn’t trade her for anything in this whole wide world.  You don’t know how lucky I have been to find someone who is uncannily like me and understands our mental illnesses and our most profound and stymie inducing peculiarities.

Lori was scolding me pretty harshly tonight in that she always has to drive to see me and I never drive down to Auburn to spend the night with her.

“I quite honestly can’t afford the gas, sweetheart,” I sheepishly, but honestly told her, and then I apologized for not coming more.

“You can’t squeeze blood out of a turnip,” I then told her callously with a half chuckle met by her not amused harrumph.

The Medication Ritual Has Beckoned And I Answered and Met its Call…

th4QPRFISHDo I take the green pill or the red one? Ah hell, let’s take both of them! lol  That has often been the cavalier  attitude I’ve taken towards pharmaceuticals over the years.

You know I am also pretty lucky as well to have a father who comes over every night to administer my crazy medications.  I used to think it was just one more way he could control me and now I do know he just cares.  I’m just one of his progeny who he tries to help and support and he has many times done this for my brother and sister as well.  He often tells me that with my medications I can live a somewhat normal existence. We do have mental illness hiccups from time to time, though.

Dope Man Meets Drug Fiend…

Sonic_Drive_in“Take me to get a chocolate shake!” my mother pleaded with me over the phone.

She knows all too well she better not drive on Hwy 29 and lose her driving privileges.  Maggie and I had both been in a very deep slumber in the bed when the phone rang. I rubbed my eyes and cursed myself about forgetting to unplug the landline and turning off my cellphone.

“Dad says I am a bad influence on you about this kind of stuff,” I told my mother with an air of aggravation and worry in my voice. “He says we both enable each other and our food addictions.”

Papa has been doing very well on his diet lately and has lost quite a bit of weight. I think he has lost five pounds. I seem to be stuck at 200 pounds.

Mom pleaded very pitifully one more time and in five more minutes I picked her up under the portico of their house to go.  I got a large blue raspberry slush with Nerds candy sprinkled on the top and my mother got a large, almost gargantuan, chocolate shake.

Helen Friday…

Today we had what is probably the last of the fresh summer squash of the year.  We also had green beans, turnip greens, and creamed potatoes to round out our vegetables.  The baked chicken was very tender as well.  It can be tough to cook chicken baked in the oven and it still come out fork tender. Helen said it is easy if you leave the skin on while you bake it and take it off before you eat.

President Taft once visited the South on a diplomatic visit.  When he got back to the White House after several weeks of travel, an aide asked him what was most notable about the South.

“They served meals of bread made out of desiccated and ground corn and cooked us greasy vegetables,” he replied.

I guess that is a very utilitarian way of putting it.

Helens's Meal

Thursday, October 23, 2014

See Papa Come and See Papa Go…

BMW_X5_04The Magster was the first to see Pops pull up in front of the house.  I heard her squeal with delight as I looked over my computer monitor and saw dad’s metallic silver X5 parked at the curb.  Dad ambled across my yard, med-pack in hand, as I opened the front door so Maggie could greet him firsthand.  My father was dressed to the nines as he had a funeral to attend today.  It was a longtime customer of his. I know this sounds macabre, but dad has attended hundreds of funerals over the years of elderly customers.

We took my medications and I exclaimed to my father what a busy day both mentally and socially I have had today.  This put my father on alert status. He could hear it in my voice and my inability to get out all I wanted to say out as fast as possible.

“I’m hyper and manic,” I honestly told my father. “My mind is going one hundred miles per hour.”

Dad told me the six Klonopin I just took would take care of that.

“You will be sleeping like a baby in the next hour or so,” my father replied.

Bat Shiat Crazy…

airbagThese kinds of things can literally drive my mother crazy.  The airbag malfunction light has lit up on the dash of her Honda Civic.  Mom pulled up in front of my house with supper tonight and started to ask me a hundred questions about it. I was the first person to notice it the other day when I drove us for slushes at Sonic.

“It’s not going to go off while I am driving is it?” my mother asked me with a scowl across her face. “I better not drive my car until it is fixed.”

“You will be fine,” I told my mother. “It is just a precautionary thing.”

Well, that wasn’t very reassuring to my mother – not very reassuring at all. She doesn’t take these matters as lightly as I or my father would.  I told mom just to take my Honda and I will use hers.  She sounded relieved at this simple offer.

“But what if it pops out on you while your driving?” my mother asked. “I don’t want you to get killed as well.”

It was getting dark and I wanted to get my mother home safe and parked in the garage before nightfall.  She finally left in my CR-V and I parked her Civic in my driveway.  I looked longingly down the street as mom drove off as it may very well be the last time I see my car in one piece.

Making a Run for South of the Border…

shrimp chicken and beef fajitas“What do you want from the Mexican restaurant?” mom just has asked me over the phone. “Your usual?”

“Rio Grande fajitas,” I happily replied.

The Rio Grande fajitas have steak, chicken, and shrimp in them. I am hoping the portions will be larger as well. I am starving and dangerous tonight choosing to sleep most of the day away.

“Tomorrow, we are going to eat Chinese at the Zen House and then go to Sonic and get a chocolate shake,” mom decreed as if it were an edict. “Your daddy will be gone to that crazy Auburn ballgame all day.”

I also asked mom if we could get me a $30 computer part down at Best Buy sometime soon. 

“We will go eat at Jim Bob’s chicken fingers afterwards,” mom told me and we agreed to go next week sometime when we both felt up to the task.

I need an inexpensive gamepad to play old Playstation, Super Nintendo, and Sega Genesis video games on my computer.  My keyboard is not very conducive to those endeavors.


And There Shall Be Risperdal Consta For All The Mentally Addled Souls Fighting Their Harsh Realities…

elfin princess“How are you feeling?” my nurse Rebecca asked me with a glowing white smile this morning.

I sat down in the chair in the examining room as Rebecca, the Elfin princess, began to prepare my injection.

“Scatterbrained!” was my feeble, but honest reply. “I can’t focus on anything even for a few short moments.”

“Last night my heart was racing as if I was having some kind of cardiac problem.”

“Withdrawal,” Rebecca said. “You were suffering from withdrawal.”

Rebecca has been the only person who has noticed and acknowledged my new glasses besides my immediate family.  I was surprised as she had on glasses as well – quite stylish glasses I might add.  The look I was striving for. She also commented on how good I smelled and I told her it was the new Irish Spring deodorant I was wearing courtesy of Fred’s Dollar Store.

“You used to would always smell like an ashtray and it could make my allergies flare up,” Rebecca told me carefully not to hurt my feelings.

“Aren’t we glad those days are over?” I asked. “I would be a complete fool to start back smoking now.”

As soon as I stepped outside Kamath Medical and was headed to my car, Lori called me to see if things were okay.  I calmed her worries and told her everything was going to be fine.

When I got back to the Pharmacy, the power was out and the door was locked.  Dad let me in to give him the next appointment card and to let me get my two melon flavored sports drinks.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Welcome to the Digital Age…

wireless router“My internet has gone out,” my father said worriedly over the phone this afternoon. “And the cable company says my internet should be working fine – saying something about pinging the modem and getting a reply.”

I came prepared with a couple of extra Ethernet cables and a used wireless router I had on hand when I upgraded my own. I also brought my cable modem as well just to be sure. All things any self said computer repairman would have on hand. 

It turned out to be dad’s wireless router which had gone kaput and I had him back online in a few moments. He pulled out his iPhone just to check the connection.  Dad sighed with relief that he could once again check the weather and visit his many gossip websites about the Royal Family. I wrote the wireless password down for the router and told my father to stick it somewhere he wouldn’t lose it. I made doubly sure it was alphanumerical.

“What did we do without the internet?” my father asked. “I had my heart set on drinking wine and browsing the web until way after midnight.”

I ate supper with my parents and dad grilled large sausages and they were really good.  I’m not much of a fan of bratwurst, but my father’s cooking made me change my tune.  The side dish was roasted herbs, carrots and potatoes steamed on the grill in tinfoil packets.  My father has his mother’s culinary flair for cooking.  I love how my father will try cooking new things and be adventuresome with his meals. There was a well intentioned joke in the family as I was growing up that my grandmother could make a dishrag taste good. My father is carrying on the tradition.

Like Trying to Catch a Greased Pig at the County Fair…

Maggie started barking at dusk.  My usual trick to get her in is to persuade her with luncheon meat.  I  sat in the middle of my back yard holding out to Maggie the smoked shaved turkey I had in my fridge. I whet Maggie’s appetite by giving her one piece.  When she came close again, I grabbed her quickly, brought her inside, and locked the dog door. What indignation Maggie seemed to impart!

Peace, Calm, and Quiet…

wharf ratFor the first time in days, it doesn’t sound like a damn construction crew is working in my kitchen.  I guess the rat poison must have worked. 

Now, these weren’t your average stealthy rats.  They were LOUD, contemptuous, and fought all the time. The typical bull in the china shop type scenario was going on inside my kitchen cabinets. You could hear stuff loudly getting knocked over and the cabinet doors getting bumped open. High pitched squeaks could be cringingly heard often in all this mayhem.

Onwards! And Don’t Forget Your Derrière… 

I am feeling kind of down in the dumps today – a little off mentally. I got worried that what was going on with Lori yesterday must be contagious.  I just called my father on a hunch and my injection is tomorrow. I should’ve known it was due.  I am like a junkie needing his fix. I am lucky that I get to see the sweet smile on the face of my nurse, Rebecca. I call her the elfin princess these days. Dee Dee or Pat will have my next appointment set up as soon as they see me park in the parking lot.  Blessed be my wonderful ladies at Kamath Medical!

Computer Clownery…

pc-fansSomeone needs to lock the door to my computer and throw away the key. I am always in and out of my computer’s case. I was worried about the cooling in my gaming computer’s case. Temperatures were running quite high.  I hooked up all the fans in my Antec case to the motherboard fan headers and it sounded very much like a 747 taking off on the tarmac.  It was that loud.  ”This is unacceptable,” is what I thought. I finally figured out that I could adjust the fan speeds with an application that came with my motherboard. Ah, sweet silence once again and the fans will ramp up in speed if inside the case gets too warm.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

I Want More Happy Fathers and Partners in My Life…

asus-ve278hNo, this is not purely wanton and escapist capitalism.  They say money can’t buy you happiness, but it sure makes travelling the road of life much more fun. 

Dad was in a super jubilant mood tonight.  He was very upbeat and it was contagious. I got in the mood very quickly as well.  Even the Mag-dawg was joyous for my father’s arrival more so than usual. Maggie spent the whole time vying for my father’s and my attention. She finally settled on me as I was the only one giving out leg buckling back scratches. Maggie can get so enraptured in ecstasy that she collapses to the floor with an especially good scratch.

“Let me give you a big hug,” my father said to Lori who is still here tonight. “It is good to see you!”

“If you wanted to buy a computer part today, what would it be?”  my father asked frivolously as we sat on the couch and took my nightly crazy meds.

“I wanted to possibly get a $300 27-inch monitor for my blogging and writing computer amongst the other things I am getting for Christmas,” I replied glowingly. “Mom said she was going to pitch in and pay for $50 dollars of it.”

My father told me to email the details to the pharmacy so his computer guru, Matt, could look at them.