I had a massive attack yesterday. I wouldn’t call this attack anxiety or panic. It was mental illness. My vision went all wonky and I couldn’t focus. My heart pounded in my chest. I made the attack worse by trying to get out of bed and use the bathroom. I had to go so badly. It devolved into this three hour long affair with mental illness I don’t want to relive. I got so paranoid that my house was dirty and dad was going to berate me for it. Everything looks so dirty when I have these attacks even though my house was relatively clean. I got extremely paranoid that every noise was a visitor to my house and I didn’t want anyone to see me like I was yesterday afternoon. I couldn’t bare to have visitors and they always seem to come when I am at my worse. I was scared to death and was so relieved when it had run its course and I got to feeling better. It didn’t help that Maggie and Caramel had cornered a cat under the house and barked incessantly for hours. I thought I was caught in my personal rendition of hell. Every bark would send my anxieties reeling. I lay on the bed miserable for hours.
Sleep came easily after the attack abated. I curled up in the bed so relieved to have some relief. I had to be at work in hours. I remember the heat cycling as I curled up in my warm covers. They felt so good. I was soon at rest again just exhausted from my three hour torture event. I remember laying there so relieved I could close my eyes and not see things. And to be able to breathe again normally. I couldn’t breath out of my mouth during the attack and could only breathe from my nose. Breathing out of my mouth would cause it to get dry and I felt I was choking and couldn’t get a breath. It certainly was scary and I was glad it was over. I also got extremely nauseated during this event and felt I was going to thrown up in my bed – unable to make it to the bathroom.
What would happen if this were to occur at work? That’s what scares me. I would be in an absolute mess. Thankfully, these attacks seem to only happen late in the afternoons when my medication levels are dropping after I have slept all day. It is a rude awakening let me tell you. Well, I am biding my time to get off and I want to just go home and sleep for the rest of the day. I still feel exhausted from what happened yesterday. These attacks take so much out of me causing the great malaise as I call them.
17 comments:
Well, you survived it. I'm sure your meds can be adjusted so that they don't drop off like this late in the day. I admire you for your courage.
Hopefully, your therapist will be able to help figure out what you need for these attacks. Wishing you the best.
Let's hope you can see your doc and she can adjust your meds accordingly. Have you made an appointment?
Make an appointment with your doctor today. Keep a journal in the meantime. Oh dear heart, you should have gotten those puppies inside to give you (and the cat) some relief.
I hope you have a better day. Now I'm off to work.
I'm so sorry you had to experience an attack like that. I'm sure you were scared to death. Remember that you dealt with it, and it passed. If it starts again, remember that thought. You got through it before. I don't know how often you see your doctor, but I agree with the others that you should be seen. Talk therapy could be a great thing right now, besides the medical part. I wish you a day of sleep and a peaceful night of electronics.
((((hugs)))) Hopefully your dr. can give you some temporary relief when you start experiencing that.
You made it and lived to write about it, tell your Dr. that and get your meds adjusted for your upside down sleeping/working pattern.
You're doing well and have made great strides in the past few months. There are bound to be setbacks, they're just bumps in the road.
Keep going!
I am glad that the ordeal was over and you are okay. Good for you to be at work. You have a lot of courage Andrew. Hang in there dude. Your doctor may have some ideas.
Does it help to have a list of people to contact when you experience this malaise? It sounds like your own personal version of a panic attack.
It helps me to know that I have someone safe I can contact. I am very glad you have your blog as a place to witness these events as they pass.
That you can see patterns is also very good. I know lots of folks are pointing out that your doctor may be of help.
But I have learned, first I must have awareness, then they can help.
I may have shared my doctor's helpful words, "You know your body better than I do." Truly power is in our self-awareness.
I am very proud of you for your perseverance!
Hugs...hope you feel better.
I do understand. Not to the extent that you experience the attacks, but I have panic attacks... just had one day before yesterday actually. I was absolutely convinced I was going to die. And afterwords.. I was so drained. Like I had run an emotional, spiritual marathon and was just exhausted.
I hope your day looks up!
Warm thoughts and hugs. So glad it finally passed. Wish I was closer so I could be there and help!
Love ya,
Grannie
Andrew, I too have anxiety attacks. Mine come on at night, I wake up and boom. Heart races, panic sets in, I feel powerless. I also have heart issues, last year the doctor gave me Inderal to keep my heart slower, it has also helped the panic attacks, win/win. I've read meditation also helps, never tried it myself. Hopefully your doctor will be able to help you. Hang tough you have come so far!
Glad you are feeling better. I agree, check with your doctor and she what she has to say.
I too am amazed that you are still able to work. I think you are keeping it together pretty good. Maybe it will just take time for you to get enough of the meds in your system to stop the weird feelings. I really am sorry that your good feelings didn't last longer and hope that you can find a good medium to function with. Hang in there. We are all rooting for you.
I'm so sorry that you had such a bad attack. I sure hope you made an appointment with your Dr. I, too, am afraid of having an anxiety/panic attack at work, but am thankful that it has only happened once in the year I have worked there.
I am now selling electronics, too and love every minute of it. I love the geek speak with customers... :-)
Hope you're feeling better!
You continue to be in my thoughts and cares..
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