I’m am trying to learn the manual settings for my camera. This is my first attempt besides a few blurred pictures of Maggie.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Moss and Lichen on a Rock…
I’m am trying to learn the manual settings for my camera. This is my first attempt besides a few blurred pictures of Maggie.
What is it?
Charlie got me this picture at Good-Will. I hung it in my bathroom. Charlie will walk back and ask me just what it is. I laugh saying, ”I don’t know.” I like it though.
What is it?
Charlie got me this picture at Good-Will. I hung it in my bathroom. Charlie will walk back and ask me just what it is. I laugh saying, ”I don’t know.” I like it though.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Showing the Utmost in Restraint…
I haven’t written about it on the blog, but I haven’t felt good lately. It is time for my injection again. I’ve been feeling so tired and worn out – like I've run a marathon. The highlight of my day is to go sit with mom two hours and just talk. Much to my chagrin, dad cut that out last night.
“You can con your mother,” he said.. “She will give you anything save money. She has a soft heart for you.”
“No, No, No! You just wait a minute!” I replied angrily. “I would never impose on mom. I love her. I’ve changed.”
“Well still,” dad said animatedly. “I have potent prescribed drugs in the house. There are Coor’s lights for your brother-in-law in the fridge downstairs, and your mother will just leave her purse anywhere allowing you to take money to get drunk.”
I felt a deep sadness - an all encompassing sadness. I hadn’t taken money out of my mother’s purse in years and I hate Coor’s light beer. I left before dad could finish his tirade. “I’m not finished , he said sticking his head out the back door. “Well, I am,” I replied with tears streaming down my cheek's. “You’re not treating me like that when I’ve done nothing wrong.” I wasn’t going to be degraded any longer.
I drove home crying. I had held off long enough to make it too the car before the heaven’s opened up. I beat my fists against the steering wheel I was so frustrated. I wanted to hit the man – to give him a good sucker punch. I was so angry and i felt so badly. I wanted to give him a good old fashioned ass kicking as i am a much larger man than he.
I won’t go into the semantics of it all, but Maggie and I left for our walk when I drove home. She had the best time, and it actually brought a smile to my face. Maggie really was my best medication today.
Showing the Utmost in Restraint…
I haven’t written about it on the blog, but I haven’t felt good lately. It is time for my injection again. I’ve been feeling so tired and worn out – like I've run a marathon. The highlight of my day is to go sit with mom two hours and just talk. Much to my chagrin, dad cut that out last night.
“You can con your mother,” he said.. “She will give you anything save money. She has a soft heart for you.”
“No, No, No! You just wait a minute!” I replied angrily. “I would never impose on mom. I love her. I’ve changed.”
“Well still,” dad said animatedly. “I have potent prescribed drugs in the house. There are Coor’s lights for your brother-in-law in the fridge downstairs, and your mother will just leave her purse anywhere allowing you to take money to get drunk.”
I felt a deep sadness - an all encompassing sadness. I hadn’t taken money out of my mother’s purse in years and I hate Coor’s light beer. I left before dad could finish his tirade. “I’m not finished , he said sticking his head out the back door. “Well, I am,” I replied with tears streaming down my cheek's. “You’re not treating me like that when I’ve done nothing wrong.” I wasn’t going to be degraded any longer.
I drove home crying. I had held off long enough to make it too the car before the heaven’s opened up. I beat my fists against the steering wheel I was so frustrated. I wanted to hit the man – to give him a good sucker punch. I was so angry and i felt so badly. I wanted to give him a good old fashioned ass kicking as i am a much larger man than he.
I won’t go into the semantics of it all, but Maggie and I left for our walk when I drove home. She had the best time, and it actually brought a smile to my face. Maggie really was my best medication today.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
To Porn or not to Porn…
One day, George and I were sitting down at the shopping center drinking our beers hidden in paper sacks. George said to me, “I want a computer. I want to download pictures of black women with big butts!” I died laughing. I was already half drunk and he was three sheets to the wind. He never said anything about computers ever again until today.
“I want a computer,” he told me over here last hour. “I have the money now that I am not drinking.”
“What are you going to use it for?” I asked warily, worried Mrs. Florene was going to walk in on him looking at obscene websites.
“I heard you can play poker and gamble online, and other stuff,” George replied.
I sighed with relief. George gambling was the least of my worries. I lectured George about porn and all the viruses and trojans that come with dabbling in it.
“If all you are going to do is play poker, games, and browse the Internet, then a cheap computer from Wal-Mart should do the job,” I told him.
George left to go buy a new computer with his new credit card. This should prove pretty interesting. I want to get George on instant messenger and post our conversations on the blog! LOL Imagine the possibilities.
To Porn or not to Porn…
One day, George and I were sitting down at the shopping center drinking our beers hidden in paper sacks. George said to me, “I want a computer. I want to download pictures of black women with big butts!” I died laughing. I was already half drunk and he was three sheets to the wind. He never said anything about computers ever again until today.
“I want a computer,” he told me over here last hour. “I have the money now that I am not drinking.”
“What are you going to use it for?” I asked warily, worried Mrs. Florene was going to walk in on him looking at obscene websites.
“I heard you can play poker and gamble online, and other stuff,” George replied.
I sighed with relief. George gambling was the least of my worries. I lectured George about porn and all the viruses and trojans that come with dabbling in it.
“If all you are going to do is play poker, games, and browse the Internet, then a cheap computer from Wal-Mart should do the job,” I told him.
George left to go buy a new computer with his new credit card. This should prove pretty interesting. I want to get George on instant messenger and post our conversations on the blog! LOL Imagine the possibilities.
A Walk is a Walk is a Walk…
I reset my odometer on my car this morning on the ride to get my Cokes. It is exactly 2.5 miles to mom and dad’s house. I thought, “Hey, me and Maggie could just walk that every morning for our daily walk. I could get my cokes and Maggie could get her exercise.” Of course, I will wait until the sun is up and it warms up some. I can’t stand the cold; absolutely abhor it. I also drove down to George’s and Mrs.. Florene’s house from my house while I drank a cold coke and it was 2 miles. There is really no need to use my car anymore other than every other Tuesday when I get my Risperdal injection. Dad’s pharmacy and the doctor’s office is in another town.
George called me this morning from work hoping I would be up.
“What’cha doin?” he asked.
“Eating spaghetti,” I replied.
George laughed.
“You should have waited and ate a more traditional breakfast with mom and I.”
“What’chu doin?” I then asked George.
“Goofing off and waiting for 7 AM to arrive,” George replied.
It’s good to know a lot of work is getting done at Wal-Mart distribution.
A Walk is a Walk is a Walk…
I reset my odometer on my car this morning on the ride to get my Cokes. It is exactly 2.5 miles to mom and dad’s house. I thought, “Hey, me and Maggie could just walk that every morning for our daily walk. I could get my cokes and Maggie could get her exercise.” Of course, I will wait until the sun is up and it warms up some. I can’t stand the cold; absolutely abhor it. I also drove down to George’s and Mrs.. Florene’s house from my house while I drank a cold coke and it was 2 miles. There is really no need to use my car anymore other than every other Tuesday when I get my Risperdal injection. Dad’s pharmacy and the doctor’s office is in another town.
George called me this morning from work hoping I would be up.
“What’cha doin?” he asked.
“Eating spaghetti,” I replied.
George laughed.
“You should have waited and ate a more traditional breakfast with mom and I.”
“What’chu doin?” I then asked George.
“Goofing off and waiting for 7 AM to arrive,” George replied.
It’s good to know a lot of work is getting done at Wal-Mart distribution.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Ye Olde Weather Blog…
I started updating my weather blog again. I don’t know why I quit as I really enjoy doing it. Most of you won’t be interested as us weather obsessed folks. But I do post an evening sunset over Alabama photo you might want to stop by and view around six every day weather permitting. Some can be average, but others can be stunning. Just click on the link below my blog header and it will take you there. You can see tonight’s sunset!
Ye Olde Weather Blog…
I started updating my weather blog again. I don’t know why I quit as I really enjoy doing it. Most of you won’t be interested as us weather obsessed folks. But I do post an evening sunset over Alabama photo you might want to stop by and view around six every day weather permitting. Some can be average, but others can be stunning. Just click on the link below my blog header and it will take you there. You can see tonight’s sunset!
Let Mom do Your Shopping!
I have grown weary of thinking of things to get grocery wise. I am a good cook, but it sucks cooking for one and I can be lazy about cleaning up. I like a clean kitchen and prepared foods afford this. Today, I asked mom just to buy me what she thought I would like. Boy, was I surprised.
“I’m in trouble,” she told me sitting in her car as I walked out to carry in my groceries.
“Why?” I asked wondering what trouble a 64 year old lady could get in. I looked puzzled.
“I spent $120 dollars on your groceries. I got a little wild,” she replied.
I laughed. “We are just alike mom,” I said. “Don’t worry about it. We’ve been so, so frugal for months to the point I didn’t have anything to eat at the end of many weeks.”
“Tell dad I would have spent that in one week drinking beer when I had control of my disability.”
Mom felt better with me telling her that.
Well, this is what mom got me.
- 6 tins of fish steaks in mustard sauce (Kinda like sardines, but not as fishy. Milder)
- 2 boxes of Ritz crackers
- 2 bunches of bananas
- 8 granny smith apples
- 8 gala apples (I love these)
- 15 assorted Lean Cuisine meals (These are so good for frozen food.)
- 2 large bottles of Louisiana hot sauce
- 10 cans of Chef Boyardee Beefaroni (Thus the purchase of the hot sauce. She knows I love it in my beefaroni.)
- 4 cans of Hormel chili with no beans
- 2 loaves of giant sunbeam bread
- 4 cans of tuna
- 1 bottle of sweet pickle relish
- 1 dozen eggs
- instant grits (I don’t like instant, but oh well, I will eat it when I get hungry enough)
- 1 package of Kroger brand thick cut bacon (This should be interesting. I buy Black Label brand)
- 2 large boxes of unfrosted strawberry Poptarts.
- 1 package of Country Pride pork sausage
- 1 large package of sharp cheddar cheese
- 1 bunch of celery for tuna salad
- 1 large jar of Blue Plate mayonnaise
- 6 cans of Kroger light lemonade
Let Mom do Your Shopping!
I have grown weary of thinking of things to get grocery wise. I am a good cook, but it sucks cooking for one and I can be lazy about cleaning up. I like a clean kitchen and prepared foods afford this. Today, I asked mom just to buy me what she thought I would like. Boy, was I surprised.
“I’m in trouble,” she told me sitting in her car as I walked out to carry in my groceries.
“Why?” I asked wondering what trouble a 64 year old lady could get in. I looked puzzled.
“I spent $120 dollars on your groceries. I got a little wild,” she replied.
I laughed. “We are just alike mom,” I said. “Don’t worry about it. We’ve been so, so frugal for months to the point I didn’t have anything to eat at the end of many weeks.”
“Tell dad I would have spent that in one week drinking beer when I had control of my disability.”
Mom felt better with me telling her that.
Well, this is what mom got me.
- 6 tins of fish steaks in mustard sauce (Kinda like sardines, but not as fishy. Milder)
- 2 boxes of Ritz crackers
- 2 bunches of bananas
- 8 granny smith apples
- 8 gala apples (I love these)
- 15 assorted Lean Cuisine meals (These are so good for frozen food.)
- 2 large bottles of Louisiana hot sauce
- 10 cans of Chef Boyardee Beefaroni (Thus the purchase of the hot sauce. She knows I love it in my beefaroni.)
- 4 cans of Hormel chili with no beans
- 2 loaves of giant sunbeam bread
- 4 cans of tuna
- 1 bottle of sweet pickle relish
- 1 dozen eggs
- instant grits (I don’t like instant, but oh well, I will eat it when I get hungry enough)
- 1 package of Kroger brand thick cut bacon (This should be interesting. I buy Black Label brand)
- 2 large boxes of unfrosted strawberry Poptarts.
- 1 package of Country Pride pork sausage
- 1 large package of sharp cheddar cheese
- 1 bunch of celery for tuna salad
- 1 large jar of Blue Plate mayonnaise
- 6 cans of Kroger light lemonade
A Wise Cracker…
Last night, dad and I were watching TV. Dad compulsively changes the channel looking for something to watch. It drives mom crazy and she will have to leave the room. Well, dad stopped on a channel with a very Charismatic preacher preaching.
“That’s Danny,” dad said. “I went to school with him. Class of ‘64.”
You could tell it was a local channel due to the poor quality of the picture. It looked washed out and grainy. Well, Danny was going at it; preaching hell fire and brimstone.
“I know he means well,” dad said. “But he comes across as kind of crazy!”
I kindly laughed. Dad did have a point. He had got to preaching so hard and loudly that his hair had become disheveled.
“You ought to reunite with him and go to church,” I told dad jokingly.
“I haven’t stepped foot in a church in twenty years except for funerals,” dad replied.
“You’re the one who needs to go to church!” dad said. “Maybe God can help with your addictions.”
“Organized religion,” I said musingly. “It’s a touchy subject for me. That’s why I’ve always had an aversion to AA and NA.”
I pestered dad one more time about that flatscreen television. He said he would continue to think about it. He hadn’t left for 30 minutes when he called me.
“Come get the television,” he told me. “Take good care of it though. That TV cost $600 dollars.”
I sped to mom and dad’s to pick it up. I hadn’t been so excited since my iPod.
Video of TV in action…
A Wise Cracker…
Last night, dad and I were watching TV. Dad compulsively changes the channel looking for something to watch. It drives mom crazy and she will have to leave the room. Well, dad stopped on a channel with a very Charismatic preacher preaching.
“That’s Danny,” dad said. “I went to school with him. Class of ‘64.”
You could tell it was a local channel due to the poor quality of the picture. It looked washed out and grainy. Well, Danny was going at it; preaching hell fire and brimstone.
“I know he means well,” dad said. “But he comes across as kind of crazy!”
I kindly laughed. Dad did have a point. He had got to preaching so hard and loudly that his hair had become disheveled.
“You ought to reunite with him and go to church,” I told dad jokingly.
“I haven’t stepped foot in a church in twenty years except for funerals,” dad replied.
“You’re the one who needs to go to church!” dad said. “Maybe God can help with your addictions.”
“Organized religion,” I said musingly. “It’s a touchy subject for me. That’s why I’ve always had an aversion to AA and NA.”
I pestered dad one more time about that flatscreen television. He said he would continue to think about it. He hadn’t left for 30 minutes when he called me.
“Come get the television,” he told me. “Take good care of it though. That TV cost $600 dollars.”
I sped to mom and dad’s to pick it up. I hadn’t been so excited since my iPod.
Video of TV in action…
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Persistence Pays Off…
Well, dad gave me the HDTV. Here it is hooked up as my main monitor on my computer. What glory!
Persistence Pays Off…
Well, dad gave me the HDTV. Here it is hooked up as my main monitor on my computer. What glory!
Misguided Professions…
I once wanted to be a social worker. I thought with my past I would make a good one. I have experience with addictions and mental illness. I could use my life experiences to help others; my goal was to be a good secular humanist. Well, a reader of the blog contacted me and dissuaded me from becoming one. “It is the hardest and most thankless job you could ever have,” she wrote me. “And you get paid crap!” That dashed my hopes and grand dreams. I was already enrolled in college at the time and on track to become one.
I am a man possessed tonight. I want my mother’s big flat screen LCD HDTV. Dad bought it for her for Christmas a few years ago and she has never turned it on once. I noticed today that it had analog hookups for a computer. I am having dreams of having lots of computer screen real estate. Mom can’t make any decisions on her own so I just called dad to inquire about it.
“Pretty please?” I pleaded of the television. “I am so excited about it!”
“Let me think about it,” dad said, sounding wary.
He didn’t sound too enthusiastic about the idea. I think the TV was pretty expensive being an high definition model. But what good is it sitting in mom’s bedroom and never being used? I would put it to good use and get loads of enjoyment out of it. I tried to tell dad that I would just be “borrowing” it.
I also did something today that I will probably get in trouble with dad for. I called and upgraded my Internet service to 8 megs download speed. It will cost fifteen extra dollars a month. When dad gets the bill next month, he is gonna flip! I will try to justify it by saying it is only fifteen dollars a month and it is my money after all.
Misguided Professions…
I once wanted to be a social worker. I thought with my past I would make a good one. I have experience with addictions and mental illness. I could use my life experiences to help others; my goal was to be a good secular humanist. Well, a reader of the blog contacted me and dissuaded me from becoming one. “It is the hardest and most thankless job you could ever have,” she wrote me. “And you get paid crap!” That dashed my hopes and grand dreams. I was already enrolled in college at the time and on track to become one.
I am a man possessed tonight. I want my mother’s big flat screen LCD HDTV. Dad bought it for her for Christmas a few years ago and she has never turned it on once. I noticed today that it had analog hookups for a computer. I am having dreams of having lots of computer screen real estate. Mom can’t make any decisions on her own so I just called dad to inquire about it.
“Pretty please?” I pleaded of the television. “I am so excited about it!”
“Let me think about it,” dad said, sounding wary.
He didn’t sound too enthusiastic about the idea. I think the TV was pretty expensive being an high definition model. But what good is it sitting in mom’s bedroom and never being used? I would put it to good use and get loads of enjoyment out of it. I tried to tell dad that I would just be “borrowing” it.
I also did something today that I will probably get in trouble with dad for. I called and upgraded my Internet service to 8 megs download speed. It will cost fifteen extra dollars a month. When dad gets the bill next month, he is gonna flip! I will try to justify it by saying it is only fifteen dollars a month and it is my money after all.
9:00 AM Sharp…
Helen arrives at my parent’s house at 9:00 AM sharp every morning. I have learned to drive over at this time and Helen will give me extra cokes (Can you tell I am coke obsessed? It’s just part of my obsessive compulsive nature). Mom usually doesn’t stir till around lunch so I can get away with this.
Well, today I had a close call with my addictions. I had to use the bathroom so I used dad’s. Curiosity killed the cat as they say and I looked in his medicine cabinet. OH MY! There were Lortabs, Oxycontin, Aprozolam, Etc. It was a literal cornucopia for an addict. It was the hardest thing I have ever done to resist taking a few pills; just enough where he would never notice it. I walked out of the bathroom with a tear in my eye. Helen was vacuuming the hall.
“Baby?” she said as she turned off the vacuum. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“I have,” I replied cryptically. “The ghosts of my past.”
I will be honest and say I sat in my car for a good thirty minutes with it running debating on going back in and getting me some pills. I wanted nothing more than to spend today fucked up beyond measure. I finally drove home feeling like a schmuck, but a victorious schmuck. Boy, do I have a tale to tell George today on the phone. He will understand completely what I just went through.
9:00 AM Sharp…
Helen arrives at my parent’s house at 9:00 AM sharp every morning. I have learned to drive over at this time and Helen will give me extra cokes (Can you tell I am coke obsessed? It’s just part of my obsessive compulsive nature). Mom usually doesn’t stir till around lunch so I can get away with this.
Well, today I had a close call with my addictions. I had to use the bathroom so I used dad’s. Curiosity killed the cat as they say and I looked in his medicine cabinet. OH MY! There were Lortabs, Oxycontin, Aprozolam, Etc. It was a literal cornucopia for an addict. It was the hardest thing I have ever done to resist taking a few pills; just enough where he would never notice it. I walked out of the bathroom with a tear in my eye. Helen was vacuuming the hall.
“Baby?” she said as she turned off the vacuum. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“I have,” I replied cryptically. “The ghosts of my past.”
I will be honest and say I sat in my car for a good thirty minutes with it running debating on going back in and getting me some pills. I wanted nothing more than to spend today fucked up beyond measure. I finally drove home feeling like a schmuck, but a victorious schmuck. Boy, do I have a tale to tell George today on the phone. He will understand completely what I just went through.
Ya Gotta Watch What Mom Will Say…
My and mom’s talks have become regular. “Come over for awhile,” she told me over the phone last night. I had a toothache and needed some Tylenol so I headed over. Killed two birds with one stone as they say.
“Get you some cokes out of the fridge,” mom said when I arrived. “But don’t tell your father.”
I happily walked into the kitchen to get a Diet Coke to take my Tylenol. It was the best tasting coke I had ever had and I told mom so.
We talked for a long time mainly about dad and his peculiarities. Mom was fretting again when I told her I had computer problems all day. I worked on my computer for hours and hours and finally got it fixed. My master boot record had become corrupted somehow and I had to format my drive and reinstall Vista. Mom let it slip what her inheritance from her mother was while we were on this subject.
“Your father won’t let me spend it,” she said. “Or I would buy you a nice computer.”
My eyes lit up. New computer? Could there be a God? My hopes were dashed when mom said dad would never allow it.
I had drank four Diet Cokes when it was close to time for dad to stop by my house with my medications. i bid mom adieu.
“You sure your computer is okay?” mom said always fretting and obsessing about something.
“I will find out when I get home,” I said. “It has been running for hours now. I should know when I restart it.”
“Call me and let me know,” mom replied.
There were three messages on my answering machine from mom left during the short one mile drive from their house.
“You can’t go without a computer,” mom said. “I hope it’s fixed. I will ask your father about getting you a new one. Call me when you get home and restart it.”
Bless mom! She would give me the shirt off her back if I needed it. I love her dearly, but I don’t need a new computer.
Ya Gotta Watch What Mom Will Say…
My and mom’s talks have become regular. “Come over for awhile,” she told me over the phone last night. I had a toothache and needed some Tylenol so I headed over. Killed two birds with one stone as they say.
“Get you some cokes out of the fridge,” mom said when I arrived. “But don’t tell your father.”
I happily walked into the kitchen to get a Diet Coke to take my Tylenol. It was the best tasting coke I had ever had and I told mom so.
We talked for a long time mainly about dad and his peculiarities. Mom was fretting again when I told her I had computer problems all day. I worked on my computer for hours and hours and finally got it fixed. My master boot record had become corrupted somehow and I had to format my drive and reinstall Vista. Mom let it slip what her inheritance from her mother was while we were on this subject.
“Your father won’t let me spend it,” she said. “Or I would buy you a nice computer.”
My eyes lit up. New computer? Could there be a God? My hopes were dashed when mom said dad would never allow it.
I had drank four Diet Cokes when it was close to time for dad to stop by my house with my medications. i bid mom adieu.
“You sure your computer is okay?” mom said always fretting and obsessing about something.
“I will find out when I get home,” I said. “It has been running for hours now. I should know when I restart it.”
“Call me and let me know,” mom replied.
There were three messages on my answering machine from mom left during the short one mile drive from their house.
“You can’t go without a computer,” mom said. “I hope it’s fixed. I will ask your father about getting you a new one. Call me when you get home and restart it.”
Bless mom! She would give me the shirt off her back if I needed it. I love her dearly, but I don’t need a new computer.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Burning the Midnight Oil…
I asked George what he thought of working third shift this morning.
“It’s alright,” George replied. “I have little supervision. I see my supervisor maybe twice a night. It’s nice to be able to goof off when I want to.”
I laughed heartily.
“I worked third shift for a year and never did ever feel awake,” I told him. “I was in this hazy fog all the time.”
George told me the hardest part was when he got off work. That would be the time he would hit his car and take a giant drink to get a buzz on the ride home.
“Makes for long rides home just listening to the radio,” he said.
“I’m amazed at you,” I told him. “You really are doing so well. The shakes are gone, your eyes are bright, and I’ve never seen your mother happier.”
George blushed if a black man can blush.
“I’m doing it for momma. She’s getting old and can’t take all that drinking shit anymore.”
I refrained from telling him he should be doing it for himself. I didn’t want to be a killjoy.
“You’re a good role model,” George then said, catching me by surprise. “You’ve walked in my footsteps.”
“And then some…” I replied facetiously. “At least you were never homeless.”
George and I both got quiet watching TV. I turned it to the death and destruction channel and George howled in protest!
“You know what?” I asked George. “You’re my dopeman.”
“How’s that?” George asked laughing.
“You bring me cokes; my drug of choice these days,” I replied.
George burst out laughing. He had never heard of such a thing.
“You can’t get high off of cokes,” he said.
“I can!” I protested. “I get all happy and hyper. I am so sensitive to most substances.”
George laughed some more and said he had never heard of a coke addict pawning his TV for cokes so I was safe.
“Damn your parents!” he exclaimed as he got up to leave. “Drink you some goddamned cokes!”
I smiled and walked George out to his car.
“Today gonna be a sober day?” I asked him before he shut his door.
“Cross my heart and swear to die,” he said with a big toothy grin and drove home.
Burning the Midnight Oil…
I asked George what he thought of working third shift this morning.
“It’s alright,” George replied. “I have little supervision. I see my supervisor maybe twice a night. It’s nice to be able to goof off when I want to.”
I laughed heartily.
“I worked third shift for a year and never did ever feel awake,” I told him. “I was in this hazy fog all the time.”
George told me the hardest part was when he got off work. That would be the time he would hit his car and take a giant drink to get a buzz on the ride home.
“Makes for long rides home just listening to the radio,” he said.
“I’m amazed at you,” I told him. “You really are doing so well. The shakes are gone, your eyes are bright, and I’ve never seen your mother happier.”
George blushed if a black man can blush.
“I’m doing it for momma. She’s getting old and can’t take all that drinking shit anymore.”
I refrained from telling him he should be doing it for himself. I didn’t want to be a killjoy.
“You’re a good role model,” George then said, catching me by surprise. “You’ve walked in my footsteps.”
“And then some…” I replied facetiously. “At least you were never homeless.”
George and I both got quiet watching TV. I turned it to the death and destruction channel and George howled in protest!
“You know what?” I asked George. “You’re my dopeman.”
“How’s that?” George asked laughing.
“You bring me cokes; my drug of choice these days,” I replied.
George burst out laughing. He had never heard of such a thing.
“You can’t get high off of cokes,” he said.
“I can!” I protested. “I get all happy and hyper. I am so sensitive to most substances.”
George laughed some more and said he had never heard of a coke addict pawning his TV for cokes so I was safe.
“Damn your parents!” he exclaimed as he got up to leave. “Drink you some goddamned cokes!”
I smiled and walked George out to his car.
“Today gonna be a sober day?” I asked him before he shut his door.
“Cross my heart and swear to die,” he said with a big toothy grin and drove home.
My Newest Acquisition…
Dad surprised me with this last night. He got one of the girls at the pharmacy to order it for me. It is going to take some assembly, but it will be a fun rainy night project. I can always use more trains and the Proto 2000 line is noted for extremely smooth running locomotives. Now, I just have to install a Digital Command Control decoder.
My Newest Acquisition…
Dad surprised me with this last night. He got one of the girls at the pharmacy to order it for me. It is going to take some assembly, but it will be a fun rainy night project. I can always use more trains and the Proto 2000 line is noted for extremely smooth running locomotives. Now, I just have to install a Digital Command Control decoder.
Symptoms These Days…
Oh, how far I have come. Through dad’s help, I take my medications religiously. I haven’t had a drink in three years. The pieces of the puzzle of wellbeing have just fallen in place the past few years. You know what makes me hesitate to write about this? Social Security. I occasionally get hits on my site meter from government types. I worry they think I am “cured” and can go back to work. There is no cure for schizophrenia, just management of the symptoms. I don’t know if I can handle the stress of a job however small. I guess that speaks little of me. I should get some derision from my anonymous commenter for writing that. lol
Some current symptoms I am having are extreme paranoia about the drug dealer next door. I have never seen so many strange and familiar cars in my life. Being obsessive compulsive, I constantly check my locks in the house and on my car. Last night, there was a huge party next door and a vicious fight erupted. I could hear screaming and hollering. “What you gonna do homeboy?” one fellow kept saying. I’m afraid to call the police for fear of repercussions.
Dad, the eternal optimist, says he is just getting lots of “pussy”. He’s got lots of girls visiting and is a Don Juan of sorts. I keep my mouth shut as there is no arguing with dad.
“What about the police detectives car that keeps showing up at various times?” I asked dad.
“Oh, that is just his police force friend. He’s just coming by to see him,” dad replied.
I let out a muffled laugh.
“You’re seeing things from your grandmother’s point of view,” dad added. “She always thought her neighbors were up to no good and were dealing drugs. It was a sickness. You’re acting like that.”
I sighed. “I guess so,” I said giving in.
“Look on the positive side,” dad told me. “He’s getting some pussy, drinking some beer, and having a helluva time!”
I didn’t bring up the fact that he drives a 2010 Jaguar, an extremely sharp car, with $2000 chrome rims and he doesn’t work.
I guess paranoia can best be summed up as excessive, excessive worry. It is also hard to tell what is reasonable worry and what is not. You get so caught up in the process that you lose focus with reality.
Symptoms These Days…
Oh, how far I have come. Through dad’s help, I take my medications religiously. I haven’t had a drink in three years. The pieces of the puzzle of wellbeing have just fallen in place the past few years. You know what makes me hesitate to write about this? Social Security. I occasionally get hits on my site meter from government types. I worry they think I am “cured” and can go back to work. There is no cure for schizophrenia, just management of the symptoms. I don’t know if I can handle the stress of a job however small. I guess that speaks little of me. I should get some derision from my anonymous commenter for writing that. lol
Some current symptoms I am having are extreme paranoia about the drug dealer next door. I have never seen so many strange and familiar cars in my life. Being obsessive compulsive, I constantly check my locks in the house and on my car. Last night, there was a huge party next door and a vicious fight erupted. I could hear screaming and hollering. “What you gonna do homeboy?” one fellow kept saying. I’m afraid to call the police for fear of repercussions.
Dad, the eternal optimist, says he is just getting lots of “pussy”. He’s got lots of girls visiting and is a Don Juan of sorts. I keep my mouth shut as there is no arguing with dad.
“What about the police detectives car that keeps showing up at various times?” I asked dad.
“Oh, that is just his police force friend. He’s just coming by to see him,” dad replied.
I let out a muffled laugh.
“You’re seeing things from your grandmother’s point of view,” dad added. “She always thought her neighbors were up to no good and were dealing drugs. It was a sickness. You’re acting like that.”
I sighed. “I guess so,” I said giving in.
“Look on the positive side,” dad told me. “He’s getting some pussy, drinking some beer, and having a helluva time!”
I didn’t bring up the fact that he drives a 2010 Jaguar, an extremely sharp car, with $2000 chrome rims and he doesn’t work.
I guess paranoia can best be summed up as excessive, excessive worry. It is also hard to tell what is reasonable worry and what is not. You get so caught up in the process that you lose focus with reality.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Shameless Self Promotion for Dad…
We had finished eating breakfast, Mrs. Florene, George and I. Suddenly Mrs. Florene started to feel dizzy and flushed.
“I think I forgot to take my blood pressure medication last night. I am almost out,” she said.
“Go ahead and take another, mom,” George chimed in.
I watched as Mrs. Florene slowly made her way to her bedroom. This really alarmed me and it did George too. She walked back in in the kitchen and took the pill with a glass of water.
“You should really trade with dad,” I told her. “You could have called him even on a Sunday to see what to do. You couldn’t do that with Wal-Mart.”
“You can really call your dad on the weekends?” Mrs. Florene asked surprised.
“Of course,” I replied. “The number is listed. Dad will even fill prescriptions on Sunday in an emergency.”
I had convinced Mrs. Florene to change over to dad’s pharmacy. I really didn’t do this on purpose, but I wanted her to be able to call her pharmacist the next time this happened. She is 74 and not getting younger, and takes lots of medications. Dad would give her the personal care she needed and I also hoped dad would see that Mrs. Florene and George are good people. He gives me a hard time about going over there.
Shameless Self Promotion for Dad…
We had finished eating breakfast, Mrs. Florene, George and I. Suddenly Mrs. Florene started to feel dizzy and flushed.
“I think I forgot to take my blood pressure medication last night. I am almost out,” she said.
“Go ahead and take another, mom,” George chimed in.
I watched as Mrs. Florene slowly made her way to her bedroom. This really alarmed me and it did George too. She walked back in in the kitchen and took the pill with a glass of water.
“You should really trade with dad,” I told her. “You could have called him even on a Sunday to see what to do. You couldn’t do that with Wal-Mart.”
“You can really call your dad on the weekends?” Mrs. Florene asked surprised.
“Of course,” I replied. “The number is listed. Dad will even fill prescriptions on Sunday in an emergency.”
I had convinced Mrs. Florene to change over to dad’s pharmacy. I really didn’t do this on purpose, but I wanted her to be able to call her pharmacist the next time this happened. She is 74 and not getting younger, and takes lots of medications. Dad would give her the personal care she needed and I also hoped dad would see that Mrs. Florene and George are good people. He gives me a hard time about going over there.
Loneliness is a State of Mind…
I sat two hours yesterday talking to mom. I get so lonely in that house of mine despite Maggie. Maggie went with me and lay on the floor beside me listening to every word and watching the cat on mom’s bed warily. Mom was in the bed with her cat Muffin on top of her. We talked mainly of small talk; a subject I am still mastering. It was good practice. It also gave me a good excuse to drink all the cokes I wanted. Every time I would run out of a drink, mom would suggest I get another out of the fridge. Bliss! That doesn’t happen often.
“Mom, do you think I am doing better?” I asked at one point.
“You’re still obsessive compulsive, but your doing better than you ever have before,” she replied.
That made me feel better. Sometimes, you just to have to hear it from someone else. We really haven’t had any episodes out of me lately for a long time.
Soon, dad was home from work. He gets off at 2 PM on Saturdays.
“I see I’ve got my whole crew here today,” he said with a smile.
“We’ve been talking for hours, “ mom said excitedly. “We’ve had the best time.”
“When you were drinking,” dad said. “You would never do that. You would only be thinking about getting drunk. You would never give time to your mother or I.”
He was right. Drinking was the be all and the end all.
Eggs, Bacon, and Sobriety…
This Sunday morning we have our traditional breakfast with Mrs. Florene and George. Mrs. Florene already told me she was cooking scrambled cheese eggs, bacon, and biscuits for breakfast last night on the phone.
“Monday, George will be two weeks sober,” she told me proudly. “He really is like a different son. He is just much more responsible and thoughtful.”
“Alcoholism is he epitome of selfishness,” I told her glibly.
My heart goes out to Mrs. Florene. She is a saint. For years, she’s put up with George’s alcoholic antics like running over the mailbox, pissing all over himself, puking till his guts about hang out, pissing in the bed and coming home mad and screaming and hollering at his mother. Etc.
Reading List…
Well, I finished Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight Saga. For a series of books written for girl tweens and teens, I really enjoyed it. My favorite character in the end was Jacob. I just loved his snarky wit, and what is there not to like about a good hearted and good natured werewolf? The ending of book four left you hanging. Which, I hope, means more sequels on the way. The rumor has it that Mrs. Meyer wrote a sequel and it escaped out on the Internet. It is now a new eBook free to download on her website.
I am currently listening to Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follet. I much prefer audiobooks cause I can pace the house all the while smoking copiously and drinking Wal-Mart orange drink. It is a ritual of mine and good exercise. So far the book has taken a sad turn for the worse and I hope it improves for the main characters.
Next on the agenda, it the Harry Potter audiobooks. Mom, my librarian, gave me the choice to listen to them or read them. You already know what I picked. Mom disliked the books saying they were childish. I hope I fare better.
Loneliness is a State of Mind…
I sat two hours yesterday talking to mom. I get so lonely in that house of mine despite Maggie. Maggie went with me and lay on the floor beside me listening to every word and watching the cat on mom’s bed warily. Mom was in the bed with her cat Muffin on top of her. We talked mainly of small talk; a subject I am still mastering. It was good practice. It also gave me a good excuse to drink all the cokes I wanted. Every time I would run out of a drink, mom would suggest I get another out of the fridge. Bliss! That doesn’t happen often.
“Mom, do you think I am doing better?” I asked at one point.
“You’re still obsessive compulsive, but your doing better than you ever have before,” she replied.
That made me feel better. Sometimes, you just to have to hear it from someone else. We really haven’t had any episodes out of me lately for a long time.
Soon, dad was home from work. He gets off at 2 PM on Saturdays.
“I see I’ve got my whole crew here today,” he said with a smile.
“We’ve been talking for hours, “ mom said excitedly. “We’ve had the best time.”
“When you were drinking,” dad said. “You would never do that. You would only be thinking about getting drunk. You would never give time to your mother or I.”
He was right. Drinking was the be all and the end all.
Eggs, Bacon, and Sobriety…
This Sunday morning we have our traditional breakfast with Mrs. Florene and George. Mrs. Florene already told me she was cooking scrambled cheese eggs, bacon, and biscuits for breakfast last night on the phone.
“Monday, George will be two weeks sober,” she told me proudly. “He really is like a different son. He is just much more responsible and thoughtful.”
“Alcoholism is he epitome of selfishness,” I told her glibly.
My heart goes out to Mrs. Florene. She is a saint. For years, she’s put up with George’s alcoholic antics like running over the mailbox, pissing all over himself, puking till his guts about hang out, pissing in the bed and coming home mad and screaming and hollering at his mother. Etc.
Reading List…
Well, I finished Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight Saga. For a series of books written for girl tweens and teens, I really enjoyed it. My favorite character in the end was Jacob. I just loved his snarky wit, and what is there not to like about a good hearted and good natured werewolf? The ending of book four left you hanging. Which, I hope, means more sequels on the way. The rumor has it that Mrs. Meyer wrote a sequel and it escaped out on the Internet. It is now a new eBook free to download on her website.
I am currently listening to Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follet. I much prefer audiobooks cause I can pace the house all the while smoking copiously and drinking Wal-Mart orange drink. It is a ritual of mine and good exercise. So far the book has taken a sad turn for the worse and I hope it improves for the main characters.
Next on the agenda, it the Harry Potter audiobooks. Mom, my librarian, gave me the choice to listen to them or read them. You already know what I picked. Mom disliked the books saying they were childish. I hope I fare better.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Man Food on Helen Friday…
Helen cooked what I requested. Dad was laughing last night and said I am meatloaf obsessed. I could eat it once a week if it were up to me! Interestingly, my favorite part of today’s meal was the biscuits. They were so fluffy and tender. Helen makes the best biscuits!
Man Food on Helen Friday…
Helen cooked what I requested. Dad was laughing last night and said I am meatloaf obsessed. I could eat it once a week if it were up to me! Interestingly, my favorite part of today’s meal was the biscuits. They were so fluffy and tender. Helen makes the best biscuits!
And Then There was Rest…
Maggie kills me sleeping on the couch cushion like this. She is single handedly destroying my couch cushion. This is also where we watch “doggie TV”.
And Then There was Rest…
Maggie kills me sleeping on the couch cushion like this. She is single handedly destroying my couch cushion. This is also where we watch “doggie TV”.
Sunrise…What a Better Time to Walk…I think…
I was laying in the bed this morning half in and out of sleep when Maggie started mewling next to the bed. I moved over and pulled the covers to the side. This usually invites her to get on the bed with me. That wasn’t what she wanted. Then more whimpering and mewling.
“What is it girl?” I asked sitting on the edge of the bed rubbing my eyes.
Maggie got excited and started to wiggle and rear up on her hind legs. I walked into the laundry room to check her food and water. She had plenty.
“Not a walk this early,” I finally said.
Being the softie I am, I pulled on my sweat pants and a hoodie. I grabbed the leash and hooked Maggie up. Maggie was beside herself. “Who owns who?” I thought. I looked like a mess, my hair all disheveled. I was the frumpy walker.
We only walked around the neighborhood all the while with me yawning wildly. Maggie had to greet all the neighborhood dogs, tail wagging wildly, and sniffing noses. She was having the time of her life.
“We’ve got to synchronize our internal clocks,” I told her as we stepped back into the house.
I feel better now and am wide awake. Soon, I will crawl into the shower and complete the wakeup process. I can hear Maggie crunching on her nibbles as I write this. That was all she wanted; a short walk to get out of the house. I fear she gets cabin fever. Well, let me go lather up and wash this medusa like monstrosity that is my bed head.
Sunrise…What a Better Time to Walk…I think…
I was laying in the bed this morning half in and out of sleep when Maggie started mewling next to the bed. I moved over and pulled the covers to the side. This usually invites her to get on the bed with me. That wasn’t what she wanted. Then more whimpering and mewling.
“What is it girl?” I asked sitting on the edge of the bed rubbing my eyes.
Maggie got excited and started to wiggle and rear up on her hind legs. I walked into the laundry room to check her food and water. She had plenty.
“Not a walk this early,” I finally said.
Being the softie I am, I pulled on my sweat pants and a hoodie. I grabbed the leash and hooked Maggie up. Maggie was beside herself. “Who owns who?” I thought. I looked like a mess, my hair all disheveled. I was the frumpy walker.
We only walked around the neighborhood all the while with me yawning wildly. Maggie had to greet all the neighborhood dogs, tail wagging wildly, and sniffing noses. She was having the time of her life.
“We’ve got to synchronize our internal clocks,” I told her as we stepped back into the house.
I feel better now and am wide awake. Soon, I will crawl into the shower and complete the wakeup process. I can hear Maggie crunching on her nibbles as I write this. That was all she wanted; a short walk to get out of the house. I fear she gets cabin fever. Well, let me go lather up and wash this medusa like monstrosity that is my bed head.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
The Death and Destruction Channel. A Rant…
I used to love The Weather Channel. I could watch for hours. Those days are long gone with it’s acquisition by NBC. I was talking to dad last night about my frequently calling it the death and destruction channel these days. It is increasingly becoming a news channel and not a weather channel.
“Death and destruction draws viewers and sells advertisement slots,” dad said in response.
“I know,” I replied miffed. “But I want a detailed forecast and the radar. Not wall to wall destruction in Haiti. It seems The Weather Channel’s parent company, NBC, has a better infrastructure in Haiti than the whole of that nation’s government these days.”
Dad laughed.
It’s true, though. Last night’s Weather Center only had a smidgen of instances of forecasts or local weather. They concentrated on panning out to Mike Sidel in California who was on mudslide watch; just waiting for houses to slide off the hillside. And the gross hyperbole? Don’t get me started. Alexandra Steele you should be ashamed.
Well, I will quit this rant. I feel better now. At least channel 12 out of Montgomery has a 24 hour radar with NOAA weather radio playing in the background. It has been my saving grace these days as far as my weather news consumption is concerned. I also wouldn’t know what to do without Internet weather these days as well.
The Death and Destruction Channel. A Rant…
I used to love The Weather Channel. I could watch for hours. Those days are long gone with it’s acquisition by NBC. I was talking to dad last night about my frequently calling it the death and destruction channel these days. It is increasingly becoming a news channel and not a weather channel.
“Death and destruction draws viewers and sells advertisement slots,” dad said in response.
“I know,” I replied miffed. “But I want a detailed forecast and the radar. Not wall to wall destruction in Haiti. It seems The Weather Channel’s parent company, NBC, has a better infrastructure in Haiti than the whole of that nation’s government these days.”
Dad laughed.
It’s true, though. Last night’s Weather Center only had a smidgen of instances of forecasts or local weather. They concentrated on panning out to Mike Sidel in California who was on mudslide watch; just waiting for houses to slide off the hillside. And the gross hyperbole? Don’t get me started. Alexandra Steele you should be ashamed.
Well, I will quit this rant. I feel better now. At least channel 12 out of Montgomery has a 24 hour radar with NOAA weather radio playing in the background. It has been my saving grace these days as far as my weather news consumption is concerned. I also wouldn’t know what to do without Internet weather these days as well.
Off to See Connie…
Maggie has frayed and worn out her new harness. That’s Wal-Mart made in China for you. Well, mom has soft tissue therapy this morning and I am going with her. We are swinging by Pet Smart on the way home to get a sturdier harness. Mom called me this morning to remind me.
“Have you measured Maggie’s neck and girth?” mom asked me.
“Every time I go to measure her, she acts all funny, runs outside, and sits in the rain,” I replied. “She thinks I am going to do something weird to her.”
Mom chuckled and then I bet you could see a frown on her face. The devils in the details for her as I have often said.
“What are we going to do?” mom asked sounding frustrated.
“Next time she comes in, I am going to shut the laundry room door so she can’t escape out the dog door. Then I will get the measurements.”
“Call me back when you do,” mom replied. “I can’t go back to sleep unless I know you have them.”
This is serious business folks for mom. Going to Connie is serious business and getting Maggie a FITTING harness is serious business as well. Mom worries that Maggie is not wearing her rabies tags with the old harness off. She thinks Maggie will be captured and put to sleep.
Well, let me get some breakfast started. I am going to scramble two eggs, fry two pieces of bacon, and have some buttered toast. I might even get wild and eat a banana or an apple or two! lol
Off to See Connie…
Maggie has frayed and worn out her new harness. That’s Wal-Mart made in China for you. Well, mom has soft tissue therapy this morning and I am going with her. We are swinging by Pet Smart on the way home to get a sturdier harness. Mom called me this morning to remind me.
“Have you measured Maggie’s neck and girth?” mom asked me.
“Every time I go to measure her, she acts all funny, runs outside, and sits in the rain,” I replied. “She thinks I am going to do something weird to her.”
Mom chuckled and then I bet you could see a frown on her face. The devils in the details for her as I have often said.
“What are we going to do?” mom asked sounding frustrated.
“Next time she comes in, I am going to shut the laundry room door so she can’t escape out the dog door. Then I will get the measurements.”
“Call me back when you do,” mom replied. “I can’t go back to sleep unless I know you have them.”
This is serious business folks for mom. Going to Connie is serious business and getting Maggie a FITTING harness is serious business as well. Mom worries that Maggie is not wearing her rabies tags with the old harness off. She thinks Maggie will be captured and put to sleep.
Well, let me get some breakfast started. I am going to scramble two eggs, fry two pieces of bacon, and have some buttered toast. I might even get wild and eat a banana or an apple or two! lol
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Maggie LOVES Dead Things…
My neighbors directly across the street intrigue me. Charlie says the father made a fortune in his early days writing and selling children’s books. He always wears a flannel shirt and khaki pants, and has the handsomest silver grey hair. You would never know they have money by the cars they drive though. Every car they own is missing a hubcap and this pushes some button within me. They recently bought a new to them car and it has extensive wreck damage. They must have gotten a good deal. They must also be into the frugality lifestyle. They’re the ones with the chickens within city limits.
Maggie and I got our six mile walk in before the rain started. There was a dead armadillo in the road at one point and Maggie went wild. I let her walk out in the road with the hopes that she would sniff it and be satiated. She bit the tail and pulled it completely in half. I reeled in disgust!!! At least she got half of the monstrosity off the road. I had to pop her to let go of what was left.
I’ve been busy today. I’ve been a cleaning fool. I have this big library case in my computer room. I organized all my Model Railroader and Wired! magazines and made it look neat and tidy. It took several hours. Mom said I could come get books out of the garage to fill the empty cubby holes. It will look so nice when I am finished and I will get a photo up.
I am currently waiting on dad to arrive. I had to ration my cigarettes today to make it this far. Dad is bringing a carton. I will probably see him around 9:30 when he leaves the pharmacy for the night. Well, I am off to play Oblivion. I am trying to get back into computer gaming to pass the time. Mom also said she would buy me one new game every month thus the incentive to play and get interested again. I will post a video of me playing Oblivion in a few short ones. Good night good friends and I hope you’ve all had a wonderful day.
Maggie LOVES Dead Things…
My neighbors directly across the street intrigue me. Charlie says the father made a fortune in his early days writing and selling children’s books. He always wears a flannel shirt and khaki pants, and has the handsomest silver grey hair. You would never know they have money by the cars they drive though. Every car they own is missing a hubcap and this pushes some button within me. They recently bought a new to them car and it has extensive wreck damage. They must have gotten a good deal. They must also be into the frugality lifestyle. They’re the ones with the chickens within city limits.
Maggie and I got our six mile walk in before the rain started. There was a dead armadillo in the road at one point and Maggie went wild. I let her walk out in the road with the hopes that she would sniff it and be satiated. She bit the tail and pulled it completely in half. I reeled in disgust!!! At least she got half of the monstrosity off the road. I had to pop her to let go of what was left.
I’ve been busy today. I’ve been a cleaning fool. I have this big library case in my computer room. I organized all my Model Railroader and Wired! magazines and made it look neat and tidy. It took several hours. Mom said I could come get books out of the garage to fill the empty cubby holes. It will look so nice when I am finished and I will get a photo up.
I am currently waiting on dad to arrive. I had to ration my cigarettes today to make it this far. Dad is bringing a carton. I will probably see him around 9:30 when he leaves the pharmacy for the night. Well, I am off to play Oblivion. I am trying to get back into computer gaming to pass the time. Mom also said she would buy me one new game every month thus the incentive to play and get interested again. I will post a video of me playing Oblivion in a few short ones. Good night good friends and I hope you’ve all had a wonderful day.
The Gift of the Gab…
My nurse, Rebecca, is so gregarious. As soon as we enter the examining room to administer my shot, she is small talking a hundred miles an hour. To my sensitive nature about such things, it can be an onslaught. I’ve learned to watch and listen though; to learn something that just doesn’t come natural to me. My father is the master of small talk. I’ve never met a more able bodied individual with regards to that subject. I get better as time goes by and it is less painful. Still, I can be awkward.
This morning as I was waiting on dad to fill my prescription for my injection, his employee, Judy, came up to me.
“I ordered your caffeine free diet Cokes,” she said. “I couldn’t get them in the case, but did get them in the six pack. I will get Tim to load them into your car.”
Dad was listening as he stood behind the counter at the computer.
“No!” he said laughing to Judy. “Andrew is like Barney Fife. He’s only allowed one bullet for his gun. He can only have six cokes at a time.”
Judy had this confused look on her face. I can only imagine what she thought. A 37 year old man having the amount of caffeine free diet cokes limited in his diet. It embarrassed me to a point.
As I was leaving, dad wanted me to step on the pay scales in his store to weigh. He is keenly interested in my bulimia and the weight loss and gain. When I saw my psychiatrist two weeks ago, I weighed 167 pounds. Dad put a penny in the scales and we watched as the dial spinned upwards. I weighed 175.
“Our goal weight is 185,” dad said relieved I had gained weight. That was a very, very good indicator that I’ve been on the straight and narrow with regards to practicing my bulimia. I’ve just learned not to eat big meals. I can’t feel too full or it will trigger it something immensely. I eat small meals all throughout the day.
Ole!
Every Tuesday night, mom eats dinner with an old friend, Sandra, at the Mexican restaurant. They’ve been doing it for years and years; probably as long as that restaurant has been in existence. Mom always brings me by a to-go order and I tell her to surprise me. Tonight, she brought chicken fajitas. It was the most food I have ever seen. There were chips and salsa. Chicken fajitas and tortillas. Refried beans and cheese. Mexican rice. And guacamole salad. Wednesday is grocery day and my cupboards are always bare about this time so it is so welcomed.
I am going with mom to get groceries today. I already have what I need planned out in my mind. You better bet I am going to spend the whole $85 dollars I am allotted. I am getting…
- Windex window cleaner
- One 200 watt light bulb
- A pack of four Bic cigarette lighters.
- Two loaves of Sunbeam bread.
- Two packs of sliced roasted chicken
- Two packs of sliced American cheese
- Ten Lean Cuisine frozen meals.
- One large box of unfrosted strawberry toaster Poptarts.
- A bunch of bananas.
- Four granny smith apples.
- A dozen eggs.
- Two packages of Black Label bacon.
- Blue Bonnet margarine.
You rang?
Mom was at a doctor’s appointment yesterday morning when I called the house. Helen answered the phone.
“What you need, baby?” she asked. “Your momma’s at the doctors.”
“I’ll call back later when mom gets home,” I replied.
“While I have you on the phone,” Helen said. “What do you want for supper Friday evening? I have to get the groceries Thursday.”
“Meatloaf, meatloaf, meatloaf,” I started to chant. “And some of your delicious biscuits, creamed potatoes, and English peas.”
It was my favorite meal after all. Helen laughed and said dad would like that meal as well.
“I’ll put an extra piece of meatloaf on your plate when I prepare it,” Helen said.
“Thank you sweetheart,” I replied.
Helen hung up the phone. I can’t wait until Friday.
EUPHORIA!!!
About three hours after my injection, I got that familiar feeling of extreme euphoria. It is like the most prolonged and intense orgasm. I sat in my quiet house, in my lazy boy, as I smoked cigarette after cigarette all the while sipping on my preferred orange drink. Before I knew it, six hours had passed. For six short hours, I was lost in my thoughts. Grinning. Daydreaming about various topics and where my life could go in three or more years time.
The Gift of the Gab…
My nurse, Rebecca, is so gregarious. As soon as we enter the examining room to administer my shot, she is small talking a hundred miles an hour. To my sensitive nature about such things, it can be an onslaught. I’ve learned to watch and listen though; to learn something that just doesn’t come natural to me. My father is the master of small talk. I’ve never met a more able bodied individual with regards to that subject. I get better as time goes by and it is less painful. Still, I can be awkward.
This morning as I was waiting on dad to fill my prescription for my injection, his employee, Judy, came up to me.
“I ordered your caffeine free diet Cokes,” she said. “I couldn’t get them in the case, but did get them in the six pack. I will get Tim to load them into your car.”
Dad was listening as he stood behind the counter at the computer.
“No!” he said laughing to Judy. “Andrew is like Barney Fife. He’s only allowed one bullet for his gun. He can only have six cokes at a time.”
Judy had this confused look on her face. I can only imagine what she thought. A 37 year old man having the amount of caffeine free diet cokes limited in his diet. It embarrassed me to a point.
As I was leaving, dad wanted me to step on the pay scales in his store to weigh. He is keenly interested in my bulimia and the weight loss and gain. When I saw my psychiatrist two weeks ago, I weighed 167 pounds. Dad put a penny in the scales and we watched as the dial spinned upwards. I weighed 175.
“Our goal weight is 185,” dad said relieved I had gained weight. That was a very, very good indicator that I’ve been on the straight and narrow with regards to practicing my bulimia. I’ve just learned not to eat big meals. I can’t feel too full or it will trigger it something immensely. I eat small meals all throughout the day.
Ole!
Every Tuesday night, mom eats dinner with an old friend, Sandra, at the Mexican restaurant. They’ve been doing it for years and years; probably as long as that restaurant has been in existence. Mom always brings me by a to-go order and I tell her to surprise me. Tonight, she brought chicken fajitas. It was the most food I have ever seen. There were chips and salsa. Chicken fajitas and tortillas. Refried beans and cheese. Mexican rice. And guacamole salad. Wednesday is grocery day and my cupboards are always bare about this time so it is so welcomed.
I am going with mom to get groceries today. I already have what I need planned out in my mind. You better bet I am going to spend the whole $85 dollars I am allotted. I am getting…
- Windex window cleaner
- One 200 watt light bulb
- A pack of four Bic cigarette lighters.
- Two loaves of Sunbeam bread.
- Two packs of sliced roasted chicken
- Two packs of sliced American cheese
- Ten Lean Cuisine frozen meals.
- One large box of unfrosted strawberry toaster Poptarts.
- A bunch of bananas.
- Four granny smith apples.
- A dozen eggs.
- Two packages of Black Label bacon.
- Blue Bonnet margarine.
You rang?
Mom was at a doctor’s appointment yesterday morning when I called the house. Helen answered the phone.
“What you need, baby?” she asked. “Your momma’s at the doctors.”
“I’ll call back later when mom gets home,” I replied.
“While I have you on the phone,” Helen said. “What do you want for supper Friday evening? I have to get the groceries Thursday.”
“Meatloaf, meatloaf, meatloaf,” I started to chant. “And some of your delicious biscuits, creamed potatoes, and English peas.”
It was my favorite meal after all. Helen laughed and said dad would like that meal as well.
“I’ll put an extra piece of meatloaf on your plate when I prepare it,” Helen said.
“Thank you sweetheart,” I replied.
Helen hung up the phone. I can’t wait until Friday.
EUPHORIA!!!
About three hours after my injection, I got that familiar feeling of extreme euphoria. It is like the most prolonged and intense orgasm. I sat in my quiet house, in my lazy boy, as I smoked cigarette after cigarette all the while sipping on my preferred orange drink. Before I knew it, six hours had passed. For six short hours, I was lost in my thoughts. Grinning. Daydreaming about various topics and where my life could go in three or more years time.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
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