Got Gas???

“Have you got gas?” my mother just called and asked very seriously.

All I could think of was intestinal gas and started to laugh giddily – never letting a good bathroom joke pass me by.

“Thankfully, no,” I replied. “I don’t have gas.”

“Not that kind of gas, silly!!!” mom exclaimed. “Your father is going to fill up his car and I thought you might need gasoline as well.”

I met dad at Fat Albert’s.  He was surly and serious.

“I am worried about you,” he said. “This bulimia deal is driving me nuts!!!”

It pissed me off.  There is always some kind of drama involving me and my father and it gets old.  I quietly got in my car and drove home without getting gas.  Dad called me on his cellphone.

“What happened???” he asked cluelessly. 

“I am tired of that kind of shit every time I see you,” I replied.  “I am tired of these emotional and mental games you play with me.  I came home to go back to bed.”

He hung up the phone and I am going back to bed. 

Got Gas???

“Have you got gas?” my mother just called and asked very seriously.

All I could think of was intestinal gas and started to laugh giddily – never letting a good bathroom joke pass me by.

“Thankfully, no,” I replied. “I don’t have gas.”

“Not that kind of gas, silly!!!” mom exclaimed. “Your father is going to fill up his car and I thought you might need gasoline as well.”

I met dad at Fat Albert’s.  He was surly and serious.

“I am worried about you,” he said. “This bulimia deal is driving me nuts!!!”

It pissed me off.  There is always some kind of drama involving me and my father and it gets old.  I quietly got in my car and drove home without getting gas.  Dad called me on his cellphone.

“What happened???” he asked cluelessly. 

“I am tired of that kind of shit every time I see you,” I replied.  “I am tired of these emotional and mental games you play with me.  I came home to go back to bed.”

He hung up the phone and I am going back to bed. 

This and That…

• Lately, I tend to sleep for twenty hours and am awake for about four.  It is not the life I envisioned for myself.   The symptoms of my schizophrenia are controlled, but I am too sleepy to enjoy the experience. 
• Late in the day, I pick out a CD from my collection and ride around in my car as I smoke and listen to it.  The driving tends to keep me alert and awake.  
• Maggie has adjusted to our new schedule quite well – content to sleep her days away.  
• Charlie brought Maggie and I ribeye steaks last night.  It was a nice and much needed treat.  Helen cooked cubed steak Friday and it was also nice.  I am still eating the pan of biscuits she cooked especially for me.  I toast them in my toaster oven with lots of butter. 
• My father keeps talking of putting me in a “home” for people who are mentally ill.  I finally got tired of hearing it and abruptly told him to hush.  “I am a grown man and you can’t put me in a home against my will unless I am deemed mentally incompetent!”   He would have put my mother in a home years ago if he could have gotten away with it which reassures me that these are idle threats to “keep me inline”. 
• The Zyprexa keeps me ravenously hungry.  I went through all my groceries in just a few days this week.  This reignites my tendency to practice bulimia to keep from getting fat again.   This has been a source of contention between dad and I this week.  I had to ask for extra food yesterday. 
• I get a new letter in the mail from George almost daily.  Sadly, I have been terrible about writing back.  I know how much written mail means to someone in jail.  Mrs. Florene has told me she has also been remiss at writing back. 
• I have only been on the Internet twice since last Monday.  I have completely lost all zest for the medium. 
• I have been recording lots of TV shows for later viewing.  I am especially interested in the series on “Hoarders” on the Discovery Health channel. 
• The weather here lately has been a weather lover’s dream such as myself.  We are in a pattern with lots of thunderstorms in the afternoons during the heating of the day.   I always seem to be in bed, though, as these storms erupt.   Damn good sleeping weather.  

This and That…

• Lately, I tend to sleep for twenty hours and am awake for about four.  It is not the life I envisioned for myself.   The symptoms of my schizophrenia are controlled, but I am too sleepy to enjoy the experience. 
• Late in the day, I pick out a CD from my collection and ride around in my car as I smoke and listen to it.  The driving tends to keep me alert and awake.  
• Maggie has adjusted to our new schedule quite well – content to sleep her days away.  
• Charlie brought Maggie and I ribeye steaks last night.  It was a nice and much needed treat.  Helen cooked cubed steak Friday and it was also nice.  I am still eating the pan of biscuits she cooked especially for me.  I toast them in my toaster oven with lots of butter. 
• My father keeps talking of putting me in a “home” for people who are mentally ill.  I finally got tired of hearing it and abruptly told him to hush.  “I am a grown man and you can’t put me in a home against my will unless I am deemed mentally incompetent!”   He would have put my mother in a home years ago if he could have gotten away with it which reassures me that these are idle threats to “keep me inline”. 
• The Zyprexa keeps me ravenously hungry.  I went through all my groceries in just a few days this week.  This reignites my tendency to practice bulimia to keep from getting fat again.   This has been a source of contention between dad and I this week.  I had to ask for extra food yesterday. 
• I get a new letter in the mail from George almost daily.  Sadly, I have been terrible about writing back.  I know how much written mail means to someone in jail.  Mrs. Florene has told me she has also been remiss at writing back. 
• I have only been on the Internet twice since last Monday.  I have completely lost all zest for the medium. 
• I have been recording lots of TV shows for later viewing.  I am especially interested in the series on “Hoarders” on the Discovery Health channel. 
• The weather here lately has been a weather lover’s dream such as myself.  We are in a pattern with lots of thunderstorms in the afternoons during the heating of the day.   I always seem to be in bed, though, as these storms erupt.   Damn good sleeping weather.  

This and That…

• I refused to take my Zyprexa last night.  Sadly, I fear dad is only worried about medications that will make me more malleable and controllable.   My mother and I are easier to handle when we are sleeping all the time.  I don’t want to live the rest of my life in a drowsy haze or funk.  I would rather be crazy and deal with the symptoms of mental illness.  So were are back to square one again and have a doctor’s appointment for Wednesday morning.   Dad was irate last night throwing about all sorts of insinuations and threats.  I wouldn’t budge. 
• I started painting last night.  The outside will wait until we get some sub ninety degree days.  I am currently painting all this natural looking pine trim in my home.  I hate the way it looks.   Charlie was dismayed at my decision to do this.  He thinks this pine trim is one of the better aspects of my home’s interior.   I think it looks ugly and dated.
• While I slept all last week, I hung heavy, thick curtains in my back bedroom.  Dad began calling it the “cave”.  This is Maggie’s new favorite spot to snooze during the day.  It is quiet, cool, and dark.  
• In a strange twist of events, dad actually told me to stop going to AA.  He thought it was too much pressure on me.  He told this to my psychiatrist last week and Dr. K got wide eyed.  “He just can’t do all that!” he told the doctor.

This and That…

• I refused to take my Zyprexa last night.  Sadly, I fear dad is only worried about medications that will make me more malleable and controllable.   My mother and I are easier to handle when we are sleeping all the time.  I don’t want to live the rest of my life in a drowsy haze or funk.  I would rather be crazy and deal with the symptoms of mental illness.  So were are back to square one again and have a doctor’s appointment for Wednesday morning.   Dad was irate last night throwing about all sorts of insinuations and threats.  I wouldn’t budge. 
• I started painting last night.  The outside will wait until we get some sub ninety degree days.  I am currently painting all this natural looking pine trim in my home.  I hate the way it looks.   Charlie was dismayed at my decision to do this.  He thinks this pine trim is one of the better aspects of my home’s interior.   I think it looks ugly and dated.
• While I slept all last week, I hung heavy, thick curtains in my back bedroom.  Dad began calling it the “cave”.  This is Maggie’s new favorite spot to snooze during the day.  It is quiet, cool, and dark.  
• In a strange twist of events, dad actually told me to stop going to AA.  He thought it was too much pressure on me.  He told this to my psychiatrist last week and Dr. K got wide eyed.  “He just can’t do all that!” he told the doctor.

An Army of Action…

There was an army of action over at my parent’s house this morning.  J.W. was working in the backyard gathering downed pecan tree limbs.  Chemlawn was spraying the front yard for weeds and fertilizing it.  Helen was cleaning the basement.  Reed’s lawn service was cutting my late grandmother’s lawn. 

“How did dad get you to do such a arduous task today?” I asked Helen.

“He’s paying me forty extra dollars to do it!” she replied with a smile.

Helen was whistling as she swept the basement floor.  I headed straight to one of the fridges downstairs to get two extra drinks that were cold. 

“What did you think of my fried chicken Friday?” Helen asked.

“I could eat a whole fried chicken of yours it was so delicious,” I told her.

Helen got the biggest smile on her face.  She was beaming with pride.  I gathered my drinks and left.  I was very keen on getting home to get on the computer while I drank my diet colas. 

An Army of Action…

There was an army of action over at my parent’s house this morning.  J.W. was working in the backyard gathering downed pecan tree limbs.  Chemlawn was spraying the front yard for weeds and fertilizing it.  Helen was cleaning the basement.  Reed’s lawn service was cutting my late grandmother’s lawn. 

“How did dad get you to do such a arduous task today?” I asked Helen.

“He’s paying me forty extra dollars to do it!” she replied with a smile.

Helen was whistling as she swept the basement floor.  I headed straight to one of the fridges downstairs to get two extra drinks that were cold. 

“What did you think of my fried chicken Friday?” Helen asked.

“I could eat a whole fried chicken of yours it was so delicious,” I told her.

Helen got the biggest smile on her face.  She was beaming with pride.  I gathered my drinks and left.  I was very keen on getting home to get on the computer while I drank my diet colas. 

Some Things Going On…

• I vehemently tried to warn my father and doctor that going on Zyprexa would cause me to be so drowsy I couldn’t function.  I have stayed in the bed for a week – so drowsy I could barely keep my eyes open.   Some of that initial drowsiness had started to wear off.   I feel as if I have rejoined the land of the living.  I personally want to try some of the newer anti-psychotics like Geodon and Abilify.  
• I began today with plans to paint the outside and inside of my house.   Dad and I are going soon to the hardware store to buy paint, drop cloths, ladders, and brushes.   I am very excited about this new goal of mine.  Dad said if I would paint, then he would fund it.  I already have the colors in mind.  Bone white for all the pine trim inside and a nice dark tan for the outside which is currently a faded grey.  I am extremely afraid of heights so it will be interesting me getting up on the ladder to paint the back of the house. 
• Today is one of the first times I have been on the internet in a week.  I expected a lot of blog posts to eagerly read written by my friends.  Sadly, it seems everyone was like me and have been quiet. 
• I have a week’s worth of Coast to Coast AM shows to listen to.  I will listen to them as I paint the trim on the inside. 
• Mom was very alarmed when I quit coming over every morning at 4am or 5am to get my Cokes.   She has been hand delivering them everyday.  
• The Zyprexa made me ravenously hungry and I have consumed all the food in my house.  I have one frozen meal to last me until Wednesday.  

Some Things Going On…

• I vehemently tried to warn my father and doctor that going on Zyprexa would cause me to be so drowsy I couldn’t function.  I have stayed in the bed for a week – so drowsy I could barely keep my eyes open.   Some of that initial drowsiness had started to wear off.   I feel as if I have rejoined the land of the living.  I personally want to try some of the newer anti-psychotics like Geodon and Abilify.  
• I began today with plans to paint the outside and inside of my house.   Dad and I are going soon to the hardware store to buy paint, drop cloths, ladders, and brushes.   I am very excited about this new goal of mine.  Dad said if I would paint, then he would fund it.  I already have the colors in mind.  Bone white for all the pine trim inside and a nice dark tan for the outside which is currently a faded grey.  I am extremely afraid of heights so it will be interesting me getting up on the ladder to paint the back of the house. 
• Today is one of the first times I have been on the internet in a week.  I expected a lot of blog posts to eagerly read written by my friends.  Sadly, it seems everyone was like me and have been quiet. 
• I have a week’s worth of Coast to Coast AM shows to listen to.  I will listen to them as I paint the trim on the inside. 
• Mom was very alarmed when I quit coming over every morning at 4am or 5am to get my Cokes.   She has been hand delivering them everyday.  
• The Zyprexa made me ravenously hungry and I have consumed all the food in my house.  I have one frozen meal to last me until Wednesday.  

This and That…

• I woke up to the wonderful sound of rain falling.  The first thing I did was open my porch door and stand at the threshold listening.  It was a very humid, but wonderful night.   Maggie decided this was a good time to sit on the porch and bark, spoiling the wonderful sound of rain falling. 
• “Mom?  How could I talk dad into buying me a new stereo receiver with HDMI inputs and outputs?” I asked last night on the phone.  “You could tell him the one you have is broken and you can’t live without one!” mom replied.  I laughed it was so dastardly and conniving.  “Mom!” I exclaimed.  “I didn’t know you could be so diabolical!”
• I drove over at 5am this morning to get my six diet Cokes.   As usual, they were sitting on mom and dad’s porch in a plastic sack.  A note inside read, “Don’t drink them all at once.  You will get a panic attack!”  I drove home and drank them all at once just like a crack addict on cocaine.
• This morning I will call dad and remind him very vehemently about my camera SD card reader.  Hopefully, he will get Tricia to order it today.  I am sorely missing my camera.   
• A goal today is to get over to mom and dad’s this morning to raid their pantry and fridge for food.  I am completely out of food at home and it is still several days away from grocery day.  Some of Helen’s leftover spaghetti would hit the spot.   I would also like some more of dad’s vegetable beef soup.  Maybe I can get Helen to cook me a big pan of cornbread today if she is not too busy. 
• This morning’s Coast to Coast AM was about the war on drugs.  Yawn.  I wanted something a little more fantastical and unbelievable to scoff at while I listened. 
• Maggie had to pee something terribly while it was raining earlier.  She came back in looking like a wet rat.  I had to police her to make sure she didn’t use the bed as a towel.  She is currently preening on the back of the couch. 
• Thankfully, no long calls from Mrs. Florene last night.  I dread her calls like the plague as I am stuck on the phone for such a long time and it is extremely uncomfortable.  I abhor the phone, period.  I would do without one if it were not for mom obsessing over being able to reach me.   
• It is 6am and the first light of dawn is on the horizon.  My, have the days grown so long.   I wonder when then the summer solstice arrives.  I can’t be far off. 
• “The Homeless Guy” wrote a post this morning about questioning the veracity of homeless advocates – basically about most homeless advocates being full of shit.   But if you question him, he will delete your comment!  What gives?

This and That…

• I woke up to the wonderful sound of rain falling.  The first thing I did was open my porch door and stand at the threshold listening.  It was a very humid, but wonderful night.   Maggie decided this was a good time to sit on the porch and bark, spoiling the wonderful sound of rain falling. 
• “Mom?  How could I talk dad into buying me a new stereo receiver with HDMI inputs and outputs?” I asked last night on the phone.  “You could tell him the one you have is broken and you can’t live without one!” mom replied.  I laughed it was so dastardly and conniving.  “Mom!” I exclaimed.  “I didn’t know you could be so diabolical!”
• I drove over at 5am this morning to get my six diet Cokes.   As usual, they were sitting on mom and dad’s porch in a plastic sack.  A note inside read, “Don’t drink them all at once.  You will get a panic attack!”  I drove home and drank them all at once just like a crack addict on cocaine.
• This morning I will call dad and remind him very vehemently about my camera SD card reader.  Hopefully, he will get Tricia to order it today.  I am sorely missing my camera.   
• A goal today is to get over to mom and dad’s this morning to raid their pantry and fridge for food.  I am completely out of food at home and it is still several days away from grocery day.  Some of Helen’s leftover spaghetti would hit the spot.   I would also like some more of dad’s vegetable beef soup.  Maybe I can get Helen to cook me a big pan of cornbread today if she is not too busy. 
• This morning’s Coast to Coast AM was about the war on drugs.  Yawn.  I wanted something a little more fantastical and unbelievable to scoff at while I listened. 
• Maggie had to pee something terribly while it was raining earlier.  She came back in looking like a wet rat.  I had to police her to make sure she didn’t use the bed as a towel.  She is currently preening on the back of the couch. 
• Thankfully, no long calls from Mrs. Florene last night.  I dread her calls like the plague as I am stuck on the phone for such a long time and it is extremely uncomfortable.  I abhor the phone, period.  I would do without one if it were not for mom obsessing over being able to reach me.   
• It is 6am and the first light of dawn is on the horizon.  My, have the days grown so long.   I wonder when then the summer solstice arrives.  I can’t be far off. 
• “The Homeless Guy” wrote a post this morning about questioning the veracity of homeless advocates – basically about most homeless advocates being full of shit.   But if you question him, he will delete your comment!  What gives?

Two More Klonopin Please?

I was laying on mom and dad’s couch yesterday.  I wasn’t feeling good.  Mom was tiresomely asking me one hundred questions as my heart beat furiously in my chest.  I was trying to calm down.  I was on the verge of a panic attack.   Dad was in the kitchen cooking vegetable beef soup and cornbread.   In a few moments, Charlie walked inside the kitchen door to eat with us. 

“You look terrible,” Charlie said as he rubbed my hair.  “Is their anything I could do for you?”

“Buy me a six pack of ice beer,” I said jokingly. “I would forget what ails me.”

Charlie laughed.  You could hear dad laugh in the kitchen as he said, “No beer for you silly!”

“Seriously, though,” I told Charlie. “Tell dad to give me two more Klonopin to take.  I badly need them right now.  I fear the two I took is not enough to stop this attack.”

“Johnny?” my mother said. “Give Andrew two more Klonopin!”

A few moments later, Charlie walked into the den with two pills in his hand. 

“Don’t say I never did anything for you,” Charlie said handing me two more Klonopin. 

You could hear the feel good police, dad, grumble from within the kitchen.

It took thirty minutes, but then I was feeling as right as rain.  I put on my shoes.  Dad fixed me a bowl of soup.  And I drove home.   I was in the bed at eight and slept until four this morning.   It literally takes an act of Congress for me to get extra medications for when I am feeling ill.   And I am prescribed these extra medications just for these events.  

Two More Klonopin Please?

I was laying on mom and dad’s couch yesterday.  I wasn’t feeling good.  Mom was tiresomely asking me one hundred questions as my heart beat furiously in my chest.  I was trying to calm down.  I was on the verge of a panic attack.   Dad was in the kitchen cooking vegetable beef soup and cornbread.   In a few moments, Charlie walked inside the kitchen door to eat with us. 

“You look terrible,” Charlie said as he rubbed my hair.  “Is their anything I could do for you?”

“Buy me a six pack of ice beer,” I said jokingly. “I would forget what ails me.”

Charlie laughed.  You could hear dad laugh in the kitchen as he said, “No beer for you silly!”

“Seriously, though,” I told Charlie. “Tell dad to give me two more Klonopin to take.  I badly need them right now.  I fear the two I took is not enough to stop this attack.”

“Johnny?” my mother said. “Give Andrew two more Klonopin!”

A few moments later, Charlie walked into the den with two pills in his hand. 

“Don’t say I never did anything for you,” Charlie said handing me two more Klonopin. 

You could hear the feel good police, dad, grumble from within the kitchen.

It took thirty minutes, but then I was feeling as right as rain.  I put on my shoes.  Dad fixed me a bowl of soup.  And I drove home.   I was in the bed at eight and slept until four this morning.   It literally takes an act of Congress for me to get extra medications for when I am feeling ill.   And I am prescribed these extra medications just for these events.  

This and That…

• Mrs. Florene giving me a big Tupperware container of cheese straws was a bad idea.   I can’t quit eating them.  They are so delicious and delightfully spicy.  She is such a wonderful cook.
• We have an eighty percent chance of storms today.   I am so excited.  Can’t wait for some thunder and torrential rain.
• Mom called me three times yesterday worried about my father.  He never showed up after work.  It was almost eleven when he arrived at my house for our medication ritual.  He said he had a wedding to go to and then a good customer called and needed his help.   I noticed dad was driving his truck yesterday.  His Honda must have been getting serviced.  The BMW X5 is only driven on special occasions. 
• As I had feared, dad had forgotten to order the SD card reader for my camera and computer.  “I’ve just been so busy with the first of the month,” he told me.   I was sorely disappointed.   He assured me he would order it Monday.
• “The Homeless Guy” is back to writing his blog.  I am overjoyed at having interesting new posts to read.  I often disagree with him, but find him a fascinating creature.   I worry he is going to be homeless again most likely.  In the past two years of having an apartment, he has done nothing to assure he will have a place to stay once his current charity runs out. 
• I hope it starts storming soon so I can procrastinate further about mowing my lawn.  It is my least favorite task of home ownership. 
• I am still having the most vibrant and vivid dreams – dreams where I wake up almost out of breath they are so realistic.   

This and That…

• Mrs. Florene giving me a big Tupperware container of cheese straws was a bad idea.   I can’t quit eating them.  They are so delicious and delightfully spicy.  She is such a wonderful cook.
• We have an eighty percent chance of storms today.   I am so excited.  Can’t wait for some thunder and torrential rain.
• Mom called me three times yesterday worried about my father.  He never showed up after work.  It was almost eleven when he arrived at my house for our medication ritual.  He said he had a wedding to go to and then a good customer called and needed his help.   I noticed dad was driving his truck yesterday.  His Honda must have been getting serviced.  The BMW X5 is only driven on special occasions. 
• As I had feared, dad had forgotten to order the SD card reader for my camera and computer.  “I’ve just been so busy with the first of the month,” he told me.   I was sorely disappointed.   He assured me he would order it Monday.
• “The Homeless Guy” is back to writing his blog.  I am overjoyed at having interesting new posts to read.  I often disagree with him, but find him a fascinating creature.   I worry he is going to be homeless again most likely.  In the past two years of having an apartment, he has done nothing to assure he will have a place to stay once his current charity runs out. 
• I hope it starts storming soon so I can procrastinate further about mowing my lawn.  It is my least favorite task of home ownership. 
• I am still having the most vibrant and vivid dreams – dreams where I wake up almost out of breath they are so realistic.   

Accosted…

“Excuse me, sir!  Excuse me, sir!”  A very strange looking black fellow hollered my way as I walked out of Kroger a moment ago. I was bored and went to survey this week’s Blu-Ray disc offerings – planning to get mom to get me a few more movies on grocery day.   The fellow sped up and began to walk beside me.  “Will you buy me some sandwich bread and some bologna?”

“You don’t want money?” I asked, surprised.

“I am just hungry,” he replied. “I haven’t eaten in a month.”

I didn’t believe he hadn’t eaten in a month, but he did look destitute.   His eyes were bloodshot red revealing he had spent a night either drinking or using drugs.  Just take my word for it. 

“Man,” I said. “You picked the most penniless white guy in town to ask for help.”

He looked at me strangely.   From the car I drove and the clothes I was wearing, I looked like I would have some money.  Appearances can certainly be deceiving. 

“You’re shitting me!” he said.

“I would love to buy you and I both some food,” I replied. “I want to buy some movies myself.”

“Damn,” the guy said looking confused.  “Everybody is cheap in this town.  Not one person has helped me this morning.”

I felt terrible for the guy, but there was little I could do.  I told him that persistence pays off and soon he would get something to eat.  I am almost tempted to make some ham sandwiches, wrap them in aluminum foil, and carry them back to the guy.  

Accosted…

“Excuse me, sir!  Excuse me, sir!”  A very strange looking black fellow hollered my way as I walked out of Kroger a moment ago. I was bored and went to survey this week’s Blu-Ray disc offerings – planning to get mom to get me a few more movies on grocery day.   The fellow sped up and began to walk beside me.  “Will you buy me some sandwich bread and some bologna?”

“You don’t want money?” I asked, surprised.

“I am just hungry,” he replied. “I haven’t eaten in a month.”

I didn’t believe he hadn’t eaten in a month, but he did look destitute.   His eyes were bloodshot red revealing he had spent a night either drinking or using drugs.  Just take my word for it. 

“Man,” I said. “You picked the most penniless white guy in town to ask for help.”

He looked at me strangely.   From the car I drove and the clothes I was wearing, I looked like I would have some money.  Appearances can certainly be deceiving. 

“You’re shitting me!” he said.

“I would love to buy you and I both some food,” I replied. “I want to buy some movies myself.”

“Damn,” the guy said looking confused.  “Everybody is cheap in this town.  Not one person has helped me this morning.”

I felt terrible for the guy, but there was little I could do.  I told him that persistence pays off and soon he would get something to eat.  I am almost tempted to make some ham sandwiches, wrap them in aluminum foil, and carry them back to the guy.  

This and That…

• My mother called me last night after dad had left completing our medication ritual.  “How are you feeling?” she asked.  “I am having some trouble adjusting to these new medications,” I replied.  “I did get dad to give me two extra Klonopin to take.”  Mom was astonished dad would do that.  “He must be really worried about you!” she exclaimed.   I took 4mg of Klonopin and slept from 8pm last night to 7am this morning.  It was some much needed rest.  I still feel shaky this morning though.  Not too bad, but I am scared it is going to be a mentally interesting day.
• I just drove over to get my six diet Cokes for the day.  The humidity here is so thick you can almost cut it with a knife.  Even the inside of my house feels humid.  I am very cold natured and am debating on whether to turn the air conditioning on or not.  I will probably be the only man in town sitting inside in a warm pullover and long pants on a hot spring day today.  The air conditioning will remove the humidity, but will make me very cold.  I am extremely cold natured. 
• We have a chance of rain and storms today.   That will keep me busy watching the Weather Now channel.  I get so excited at any deviation from the weather norms.
• I am currently listening to Coast to Coast AM shows from January this year.  I can sit in my lazy boy and listen all day.  I love that show despite most of it being a tad bit too fantastical.  I just finished a show this morning discussing leprechauns, unicorns, pixies, and elves.  The guest firmly believed they are real.  I had a smile of disbelief on my face as I listened.  
• I completely rearranged the furniture in my den and it threw Maggie for a loop.   She has just now settled down on the couch for the morning across from me sleeping.  I like being able to look over at her as she sleeps.  It is comforting.  I still say the best thing dad has done for me in years was to bring me Maggie when she was a puppy.  I think all mentally ill people should have companion pets if they are responsible with their well being and upkeep.  
• Mrs. Florene is cooking cheese straws for a church luncheon today.  She called me last night and said she is doubling the recipe to bring me a big container of them.  I love cheese straws especially if they are spicy.   Mrs. Florene assured me she would add some extra cayenne and Tabasco to the second batch just for me. 
• My weight this morning was 183.   I have lost 4 pounds since my last p-doc appointment.  I just haven’t been that hungry for the last few days and have been skipping meals.   Do you think this has something to do with me feeling mentally interesting?   I worry it does. 
• Helen’s spaghetti supper was wonderful.   She brought me by my plate around four.  She used a small amount of chili powder in her spaghetti sauce and I was pleasantly surprised when I took that first bite.  It was delicious.  I especially loved the Caesar salad.   Helen added such things as boiled eggs, grated parmesan cheese, and lots of croutons.    
• I have a DTS (digital theater surround) disc of a thunderstorm and I listen to it off and on throughout the day.  I will close my eyes and it will almost put me to sleep.  You feel as if you are sitting in a living room of someone’s home as a thunderstorm rages outside.  With my surround sound system, you can hear the storm approach from the West, move overhead, and then die off to the East.  It is fascinating.    

This and That…

• My mother called me last night after dad had left completing our medication ritual.  “How are you feeling?” she asked.  “I am having some trouble adjusting to these new medications,” I replied.  “I did get dad to give me two extra Klonopin to take.”  Mom was astonished dad would do that.  “He must be really worried about you!” she exclaimed.   I took 4mg of Klonopin and slept from 8pm last night to 7am this morning.  It was some much needed rest.  I still feel shaky this morning though.  Not too bad, but I am scared it is going to be a mentally interesting day.
• I just drove over to get my six diet Cokes for the day.  The humidity here is so thick you can almost cut it with a knife.  Even the inside of my house feels humid.  I am very cold natured and am debating on whether to turn the air conditioning on or not.  I will probably be the only man in town sitting inside in a warm pullover and long pants on a hot spring day today.  The air conditioning will remove the humidity, but will make me very cold.  I am extremely cold natured. 
• We have a chance of rain and storms today.   That will keep me busy watching the Weather Now channel.  I get so excited at any deviation from the weather norms.
• I am currently listening to Coast to Coast AM shows from January this year.  I can sit in my lazy boy and listen all day.  I love that show despite most of it being a tad bit too fantastical.  I just finished a show this morning discussing leprechauns, unicorns, pixies, and elves.  The guest firmly believed they are real.  I had a smile of disbelief on my face as I listened.  
• I completely rearranged the furniture in my den and it threw Maggie for a loop.   She has just now settled down on the couch for the morning across from me sleeping.  I like being able to look over at her as she sleeps.  It is comforting.  I still say the best thing dad has done for me in years was to bring me Maggie when she was a puppy.  I think all mentally ill people should have companion pets if they are responsible with their well being and upkeep.  
• Mrs. Florene is cooking cheese straws for a church luncheon today.  She called me last night and said she is doubling the recipe to bring me a big container of them.  I love cheese straws especially if they are spicy.   Mrs. Florene assured me she would add some extra cayenne and Tabasco to the second batch just for me. 
• My weight this morning was 183.   I have lost 4 pounds since my last p-doc appointment.  I just haven’t been that hungry for the last few days and have been skipping meals.   Do you think this has something to do with me feeling mentally interesting?   I worry it does. 
• Helen’s spaghetti supper was wonderful.   She brought me by my plate around four.  She used a small amount of chili powder in her spaghetti sauce and I was pleasantly surprised when I took that first bite.  It was delicious.  I especially loved the Caesar salad.   Helen added such things as boiled eggs, grated parmesan cheese, and lots of croutons.    
• I have a DTS (digital theater surround) disc of a thunderstorm and I listen to it off and on throughout the day.  I will close my eyes and it will almost put me to sleep.  You feel as if you are sitting in a living room of someone’s home as a thunderstorm rages outside.  With my surround sound system, you can hear the storm approach from the West, move overhead, and then die off to the East.  It is fascinating.    

Life’s Little Punctuations…

I sometimes wonder why I still write a blog.  My life is rather, or I should say, very boring these days.  Long gone are the days spent drinking down at the shopping center with George and the gang.   It’s life’s little punctuations that keep me writing I think.

One punctuation today was mom’s uncanny second sense about the level of paper towel and toilet paper I have in the house.  I ran out of both today and, low and behold, mom came by with a backseat full of both.

“How did you know I was out?” I asked her amazed at the second sense ability she has about that.

Well, this gets Maggie excited.  I get excited at seeing my mother – any break in the monotony that can be my and Maggie’s day is like candy to a kid.  We all have a good time during the delivery of such sundry items.   The excitement is similar to when George would bring me Cokes after a night of work as a surprise.   I would also get excited when George would sit with me as he got drunk and I could “drink” very vicariously through  his morning after-work ritual.   I always knew when we hit the ninth ice beer as George would begin to slur his words.  

Today, I want to go to Wal-Mart for home theater cables.   I said to mom, “Let me know if you go to Wal-Mart in the next few weeks as I want to go!”   This usually means it will be on the forefront of my mother’s mind as she gets her hair fixed today.   She will often drive back over to pick me up to “get it over with.”  Heh!  I hope so.  It’s these little punctuations that make my life so interesting these days in a sea of blandness that can be my everyday existence.   I get to “play” for a few short hours with the darling of my heart these days, my home theater. 

Well, I am off to shake the dew off my lily ergo take a pee.  It seems the six diet Cokes I just drank and that made me very chilly on a ninety degree day have passed on and are ready to be let loose again in another form.   Excuse me while I take a leave of absence from this blog post. 

Life’s Little Punctuations…

I sometimes wonder why I still write a blog.  My life is rather, or I should say, very boring these days.  Long gone are the days spent drinking down at the shopping center with George and the gang.   It’s life’s little punctuations that keep me writing I think.

One punctuation today was mom’s uncanny second sense about the level of paper towel and toilet paper I have in the house.  I ran out of both today and, low and behold, mom came by with a backseat full of both.

“How did you know I was out?” I asked her amazed at the second sense ability she has about that.

Well, this gets Maggie excited.  I get excited at seeing my mother – any break in the monotony that can be my and Maggie’s day is like candy to a kid.  We all have a good time during the delivery of such sundry items.   The excitement is similar to when George would bring me Cokes after a night of work as a surprise.   I would also get excited when George would sit with me as he got drunk and I could “drink” very vicariously through  his morning after-work ritual.   I always knew when we hit the ninth ice beer as George would begin to slur his words.  

Today, I want to go to Wal-Mart for home theater cables.   I said to mom, “Let me know if you go to Wal-Mart in the next few weeks as I want to go!”   This usually means it will be on the forefront of my mother’s mind as she gets her hair fixed today.   She will often drive back over to pick me up to “get it over with.”  Heh!  I hope so.  It’s these little punctuations that make my life so interesting these days in a sea of blandness that can be my everyday existence.   I get to “play” for a few short hours with the darling of my heart these days, my home theater. 

Well, I am off to shake the dew off my lily ergo take a pee.  It seems the six diet Cokes I just drank and that made me very chilly on a ninety degree day have passed on and are ready to be let loose again in another form.   Excuse me while I take a leave of absence from this blog post. 

Enter The Helen…

Helen just called me.  I was busy hanging curtains in my bedroom to make the room dark for Maggie to sleep during the day. 

“What do you want for supper, baby?” Helen asked. “Your daddy didn’t leave me a list today.”

I thought for a long second.  I have been craving a spaghetti supper, but dad’s words that Helen doesn’t cook well with recipes was in the back of my mind.

“Helen?  Do you ever cook spaghetti?” I asked.

“Sure sweetheart,” she said. “My son loves my spaghetti.”

“Cook that, some toasted garlic French bread, and a Caesar salad.”

“That sounds good!” Helen exclaimed as she then told me she was heading to the grocery store.

I haven’t done much today.  I got up at four as is my usual custom and listened to the tail end of Coast to Coast AM.   I was back in the bed around five and slept until ten.   I am now waiting on my diet Cokes to get cold in the freezer before I imbibe.   It is supposed to be really hot today – around ninety degrees.  This will keep me and Maggie inside I am sure.  

Enter The Helen…

Helen just called me.  I was busy hanging curtains in my bedroom to make the room dark for Maggie to sleep during the day. 

“What do you want for supper, baby?” Helen asked. “Your daddy didn’t leave me a list today.”

I thought for a long second.  I have been craving a spaghetti supper, but dad’s words that Helen doesn’t cook well with recipes was in the back of my mind.

“Helen?  Do you ever cook spaghetti?” I asked.

“Sure sweetheart,” she said. “My son loves my spaghetti.”

“Cook that, some toasted garlic French bread, and a Caesar salad.”

“That sounds good!” Helen exclaimed as she then told me she was heading to the grocery store.

I haven’t done much today.  I got up at four as is my usual custom and listened to the tail end of Coast to Coast AM.   I was back in the bed around five and slept until ten.   I am now waiting on my diet Cokes to get cold in the freezer before I imbibe.   It is supposed to be really hot today – around ninety degrees.  This will keep me and Maggie inside I am sure.  

This and That…

• I used to sit in front of the computer for hours every day.  That has changed.  I have grown bored with the Internet.  My computer is now merely a blogging machine and a way to periodically check the NWS website for the weather. 
• I was recently overjoyed when I realized my Wii will accept a standard USB keyboard.   I now exclusively use my Wii to browse blogs during the day as I listen to the radio.  
• I was also recently overjoyed when I realized my Wii will play all my old GameCube games.  I am currently having fun with Super Mario Sunshine. 
• Mrs. Florene called last night and talked for thirty minutes.   She has decided to buy her sister’s half of her mother’s property they own together.  She doesn’t want to sell it as her sister is insisting they do.  I tried my hardest to feign interest in the topic at hand, but I was dozing off pretty badly last night. 
• Paranoia stuck badly last night.  I fear my father is lying to me about the computer part I need to get my camera working.  He assures me he got Tricia at the pharmacy to order it, but I fear he is just saying that to placate me.   He has done this before so it is not unprecedented.  I could tell my mother about the part and get her involved.  Dad would be angry, but I assure you the part would be here in a matter of days with mom nagging dad constantly.   As I’ve said before, my mother hates for me to have to do without and will go to great lengths to correct this.   I can’t get too angry at dad because I inherited his strong tendency to procrastinate.  Why do today when you can put it off till morrow?
• Supper last night was a Lean Cuisine meal – chicken in peanut sauce.   I find myself heavily salting these Lean Cuisine meals as they can taste so bland.  I guess I am defeating the health benefits of eating these meals they so tout in their commercials.  I love the Lean Cuisine Asian selection of meals though.   My before bed snack was a handful of Cheeze-its.   Lots more salt in my diet.    Cheeze-its are a snack I just about can’t put down or stop eating.   Maggie will not eat them, though, strangely. 
• I am experiencing this extreme feeling of uneasiness and restlessness with the Haldol I am taking.   It started yesterday.   I asked dad last night if we need to call my p-doc, but he insisted we wait another week to see how I do.  I have a strong aversion to feeling uncomfortable so this is hard for me to do.  There is much talk by dad of putting me on Zyprexa again, but I told him firmly last night I wouldn’t take it.  I don’t want to get fat again and sleep my life away.   His reasoning is that my mother does so well on it and we should genetically have similar brain chemistry.  I try to tell him he is not a doctor nor my doctor for that matter.
• The meter reader came yesterday and Maggie barked for two hours straight.   She was a coward yesterday and ran inside barking when he entered the fence.  Usually, she is nipping at his heels.  I try to anticipate him coming and have told him to knock on the door so I can get her inside.  
• I really want to go to Wal-Mart to buy more cables for my home theater.  I want two optical digital cables (in and out) for my minidisc deck player.  They are expensive at about $12 dollars a piece.   I also need more RCA component cables to complete all my hookups.  
• Dad remarked last night how clean my house was.   “It is a direct barometer of how well you are doing,” he told me.  I worry my house smells like stale cigarette smoke, but dad assured me it was a pleasant smell akin to the way his childhood home always smelled when he was growing up.  His father was a heavy smoker.  
• I reinstated all my digital cable channels with a quick call to the cable company yesterday.   I have about a month of guilt free viewing until dad gets the next cable bill.  I fear he is going to get angry with me for doing this.  I want to get adamant that it is my money and I should have some say in how it is spent.   I am still marveling at the picture quality and sound of HDTV.   It just doesn’t get old to have 5.1 Dolby digital sound with my favorite television shows like Law and Order.  

This and That…

• I used to sit in front of the computer for hours every day.  That has changed.  I have grown bored with the Internet.  My computer is now merely a blogging machine and a way to periodically check the NWS website for the weather. 
• I was recently overjoyed when I realized my Wii will accept a standard USB keyboard.   I now exclusively use my Wii to browse blogs during the day as I listen to the radio.  
• I was also recently overjoyed when I realized my Wii will play all my old GameCube games.  I am currently having fun with Super Mario Sunshine. 
• Mrs. Florene called last night and talked for thirty minutes.   She has decided to buy her sister’s half of her mother’s property they own together.  She doesn’t want to sell it as her sister is insisting they do.  I tried my hardest to feign interest in the topic at hand, but I was dozing off pretty badly last night. 
• Paranoia stuck badly last night.  I fear my father is lying to me about the computer part I need to get my camera working.  He assures me he got Tricia at the pharmacy to order it, but I fear he is just saying that to placate me.   He has done this before so it is not unprecedented.  I could tell my mother about the part and get her involved.  Dad would be angry, but I assure you the part would be here in a matter of days with mom nagging dad constantly.   As I’ve said before, my mother hates for me to have to do without and will go to great lengths to correct this.   I can’t get too angry at dad because I inherited his strong tendency to procrastinate.  Why do today when you can put it off till morrow?
• Supper last night was a Lean Cuisine meal – chicken in peanut sauce.   I find myself heavily salting these Lean Cuisine meals as they can taste so bland.  I guess I am defeating the health benefits of eating these meals they so tout in their commercials.  I love the Lean Cuisine Asian selection of meals though.   My before bed snack was a handful of Cheeze-its.   Lots more salt in my diet.    Cheeze-its are a snack I just about can’t put down or stop eating.   Maggie will not eat them, though, strangely. 
• I am experiencing this extreme feeling of uneasiness and restlessness with the Haldol I am taking.   It started yesterday.   I asked dad last night if we need to call my p-doc, but he insisted we wait another week to see how I do.  I have a strong aversion to feeling uncomfortable so this is hard for me to do.  There is much talk by dad of putting me on Zyprexa again, but I told him firmly last night I wouldn’t take it.  I don’t want to get fat again and sleep my life away.   His reasoning is that my mother does so well on it and we should genetically have similar brain chemistry.  I try to tell him he is not a doctor nor my doctor for that matter.
• The meter reader came yesterday and Maggie barked for two hours straight.   She was a coward yesterday and ran inside barking when he entered the fence.  Usually, she is nipping at his heels.  I try to anticipate him coming and have told him to knock on the door so I can get her inside.  
• I really want to go to Wal-Mart to buy more cables for my home theater.  I want two optical digital cables (in and out) for my minidisc deck player.  They are expensive at about $12 dollars a piece.   I also need more RCA component cables to complete all my hookups.  
• Dad remarked last night how clean my house was.   “It is a direct barometer of how well you are doing,” he told me.  I worry my house smells like stale cigarette smoke, but dad assured me it was a pleasant smell akin to the way his childhood home always smelled when he was growing up.  His father was a heavy smoker.  
• I reinstated all my digital cable channels with a quick call to the cable company yesterday.   I have about a month of guilt free viewing until dad gets the next cable bill.  I fear he is going to get angry with me for doing this.  I want to get adamant that it is my money and I should have some say in how it is spent.   I am still marveling at the picture quality and sound of HDTV.   It just doesn’t get old to have 5.1 Dolby digital sound with my favorite television shows like Law and Order.  

Two Peas in a Pod…

“What day is today?” my mother just called and asked.

I love these calls.  It always makes me chuckle.  Mom isn’t about to ask dad what day it is because he will think she is taking too much of her Xanax. 

“Well,” I replied. “I am not exactly sure.  We are not doing so well, are we?”

With me not working, all my days seem to run together as well.

“Your father was off yesterday so it must be Thursday,” mom told me.

“Is that a good thing?” I asked.

“Yes,” mom said with a sigh of relief. “I have nothing to do today, but lie in the bed.  I am going to rest all day.”

“Did you sleep well?” mom then asked.

“Mom, I am having the most vivid using dreams,”  I replied. “I dreamed y’all were chasing me trying to get my beer away from me.”

“We’ve actually had to do that before in real life, ya know?”

I burst out laughing.  Yes, I’ve had the beer police after me a few times in life.  My parents are doggedly determined for me not to go back to life of alcoholism I lived for years. 

“Who’s that?” I asked as I could hear someone else talking in the room.

Mom let out a loud sigh.

“Helen wants to change my sheets.”

“I’ll let you go,” I said with a smile.

It must be a hard life if your Thursday of rest is interrupted by your maid wanting to wash and change your sheets.  You would think the Pope asked mom to say twenty hail Mary’s the way mom blew into the phone.   I love my mother.  We are a lot alike. 

Two Peas in a Pod…

“What day is today?” my mother just called and asked.

I love these calls.  It always makes me chuckle.  Mom isn’t about to ask dad what day it is because he will think she is taking too much of her Xanax. 

“Well,” I replied. “I am not exactly sure.  We are not doing so well, are we?”

With me not working, all my days seem to run together as well.

“Your father was off yesterday so it must be Thursday,” mom told me.

“Is that a good thing?” I asked.

“Yes,” mom said with a sigh of relief. “I have nothing to do today, but lie in the bed.  I am going to rest all day.”

“Did you sleep well?” mom then asked.

“Mom, I am having the most vivid using dreams,”  I replied. “I dreamed y’all were chasing me trying to get my beer away from me.”

“We’ve actually had to do that before in real life, ya know?”

I burst out laughing.  Yes, I’ve had the beer police after me a few times in life.  My parents are doggedly determined for me not to go back to life of alcoholism I lived for years. 

“Who’s that?” I asked as I could hear someone else talking in the room.

Mom let out a loud sigh.

“Helen wants to change my sheets.”

“I’ll let you go,” I said with a smile.

It must be a hard life if your Thursday of rest is interrupted by your maid wanting to wash and change your sheets.  You would think the Pope asked mom to say twenty hail Mary’s the way mom blew into the phone.   I love my mother.  We are a lot alike. 

This and That…

• I am adjusting to my new medications quite well.  Dad told me not to get my hopes up as it make take several weeks to get acclimated to this new medication regimen.   It seems I had grown resistant to the extremely high levels of Risperdal I was taking.   We had to go back to square one and start over. 
• I am on a decaf coffee kick right now.  I drink decaf coffee throughout the day.   Nothing tastes better than a cigarette and a cup of coffee.  Don’t berate me for writing that and feeling that way.
• Maggie and I are still walking one mile everyday despite my doctor’s strong urgings just to stay home and rest. 
• My biggest side effect of my new medications is extreme drowsiness.  I am constantly sleepy these days. 
• My father ordered the part I need to get my camera working.   It should be here any day now.  I have missed making my attitude of gratitude videos.  It was a good way to start the day on a positive note. 
• We’ve had very bland weather here for days.  I am ready for something exciting like the usual diurnal pop-up thunderstorms that are so characteristic for the South in summer. 
• No news from George which I am praying is a good thing and not a bad thing.
• I have been attending lots of online AA meetings lately.   I just haven’t felt up to the long drive to LaGrange this week for real world meetings.
• Every morning I start with a prayer to my higher power to make it another day sober.  Taking it one day at a time is much easier than comprehending a lifetime without beer.    I still have the most vivid drinking dreams though.   My dreams have been exceptionally vivid with these new medications I am on.

This and That…

• I am adjusting to my new medications quite well.  Dad told me not to get my hopes up as it make take several weeks to get acclimated to this new medication regimen.   It seems I had grown resistant to the extremely high levels of Risperdal I was taking.   We had to go back to square one and start over. 
• I am on a decaf coffee kick right now.  I drink decaf coffee throughout the day.   Nothing tastes better than a cigarette and a cup of coffee.  Don’t berate me for writing that and feeling that way.
• Maggie and I are still walking one mile everyday despite my doctor’s strong urgings just to stay home and rest. 
• My biggest side effect of my new medications is extreme drowsiness.  I am constantly sleepy these days. 
• My father ordered the part I need to get my camera working.   It should be here any day now.  I have missed making my attitude of gratitude videos.  It was a good way to start the day on a positive note. 
• We’ve had very bland weather here for days.  I am ready for something exciting like the usual diurnal pop-up thunderstorms that are so characteristic for the South in summer. 
• No news from George which I am praying is a good thing and not a bad thing.
• I have been attending lots of online AA meetings lately.   I just haven’t felt up to the long drive to LaGrange this week for real world meetings.
• Every morning I start with a prayer to my higher power to make it another day sober.  Taking it one day at a time is much easier than comprehending a lifetime without beer.    I still have the most vivid drinking dreams though.   My dreams have been exceptionally vivid with these new medications I am on.

My Thoughts for the Blogging Day…

Big Changes Medicinally

My doctor made some major changes to the medications I am taking during our visit Monday.  I am now on Depakote instead of lithium.  He also put me on EffexorXR for the depressed moods that sometimes plague me.  I was very alarmed when he prescribed me Haldol – an ancient and seldom now used anti-psychotic.   I have heard horror stories about it, but my only side effect so far is extreme drowsiness and a little bit of restlessness.  My mind is very quiet and clear for the first time in weeks and for that I am thankful. 

Grocery Day…

“Surprise me,”  I told my mother when she asked what groceries I would like yesterday.  “Shop as if you were shopping for yourself.”

Well, I didn’t think out this course of action clearly enough.   Mom likes to snack all through out the day instead of eating three regular meals.  She decided to do my grocery shopping last night and got me all kinds of snack and junk foods.   It was kind of like giving a kid a hundred dollar bill and telling him or her to go shopping.   I got stuff like hotdogs, Chex mix, ice cream, and all kinds of snack crackers.  Mom also got me a big assortment of candy to eat.  I am sure I will weigh ten more pounds come my next P-Doc appointment. 

My Thoughts for the Blogging Day…

Big Changes Medicinally

My doctor made some major changes to the medications I am taking during our visit Monday.  I am now on Depakote instead of lithium.  He also put me on EffexorXR for the depressed moods that sometimes plague me.  I was very alarmed when he prescribed me Haldol – an ancient and seldom now used anti-psychotic.   I have heard horror stories about it, but my only side effect so far is extreme drowsiness and a little bit of restlessness.  My mind is very quiet and clear for the first time in weeks and for that I am thankful. 

Grocery Day…

“Surprise me,”  I told my mother when she asked what groceries I would like yesterday.  “Shop as if you were shopping for yourself.”

Well, I didn’t think out this course of action clearly enough.   Mom likes to snack all through out the day instead of eating three regular meals.  She decided to do my grocery shopping last night and got me all kinds of snack and junk foods.   It was kind of like giving a kid a hundred dollar bill and telling him or her to go shopping.   I got stuff like hotdogs, Chex mix, ice cream, and all kinds of snack crackers.  Mom also got me a big assortment of candy to eat.  I am sure I will weigh ten more pounds come my next P-Doc appointment. 

Attitude of Gratitude…

I have a lot to be thankful for today.  I have a kind and proactive shrink.  Tonight is Mexican Tuesdays and that will be a nice treat.  I am still enthralled with my home theater and have had the most fun lately toying with it.  Maggie is happily going about her life and it makes me smile to watch her ever busy antics.  She’s always into something in the backyard. 

I am under strict orders by my doctor to just rest, relax, and sleep.   That’s why the blog has been so quiet.  I’ve felt so mellow and spent so much time in my home that I just haven’t had much to write about lately.

I hope you all are having a good day.  I will try to get up a proper blog post tomorrow. 

Attitude of Gratitude…

I have a lot to be thankful for today.  I have a kind and proactive shrink.  Tonight is Mexican Tuesdays and that will be a nice treat.  I am still enthralled with my home theater and have had the most fun lately toying with it.  Maggie is happily going about her life and it makes me smile to watch her ever busy antics.  She’s always into something in the backyard. 

I am under strict orders by my doctor to just rest, relax, and sleep.   That’s why the blog has been so quiet.  I’ve felt so mellow and spent so much time in my home that I just haven’t had much to write about lately.

I hope you all are having a good day.  I will try to get up a proper blog post tomorrow. 

Shaky is the Word for the Day…

“You’re still not feeling up to snuff are you son?” dad asked after opening their back door and me telling dad I was feeling unwell.

I couldn’t get mom and dad on either phone and knew they were home.  I drove over to get my medications early hoping that would calm me as it usually does.

“I feel like I am going to jump out of my skin!” was my reply.

Dad had been cooking a brunch of bacon and biscuits.  He fixed me a plate and told me to sit down and eat a bite.  He then walked out to his car to get my medications in their blister packs which he keeps in the trunk of his Honda.

“What’s wrong?” mom asked, walking into the kitchen in her nightgown.  “You look pained.”

“Oh, it’s just my typical mental illness bullshit,” I replied. “It’s a curse I have to bear.”

Mom hungrily fixed a plate of bacon and biscuits, and sat down with me to eat. 

“Here. Take this,” dad said upon arriving back inside.

He handed me my handful of medications and I took them.

“You will get to feeling better in thirty minutes.”

“I hope so,” was my weak reply.

“What’s Maggie been doing?”

“Oh, she was still in the bed when I left the house.”

“It’s a dog’s life,” dad said laughing.

“She will be going strong about my bedtime no doubt,” I replied with a weak laugh.

Suddenly, my head began to swim and I felt dizzy.  My heart began to pound.

“I’ve got to lie down!”

I lay on the couch for thirty minutes while mom asked me a hundred questions.

“Jesus! Mom! I don’t feel well!” I finally exclaimed.

“How do you feel now after thirty minutes?” dad asked.

“I feel like I can drive home now,” I replied as I sat up to put on my shoes.

“You will feel better in about thirty more minutes,” dad said. “Give your medications time to take effect.”

“It’s my fault,” mom said internalizing the problem.  “You got my terrible genes.  I shouldn’t have had children.”

I sighed.  I just wanted to get home and lie down for a few hours.  Quiet solitude is what I sought out the most.  I realized going over to get my medications was a bad idea.  Dad is hard of hearing and the television was turned up super loud.  Mom was asking me a thousand questions as is her usual custom.  Mom’s cat was hungry and was crying loudly.  The phone was ringing and ringing and nobody was answering it for fears dad would have to make a run to the pharmacy for a customer.   Argghhh!  I was so glad to get home and on my bed where the only sound was that of Maggie snoring softly as she snoozed in my warm covers. 

Shaky is the Word for the Day…

“You’re still not feeling up to snuff are you son?” dad asked after opening their back door and me telling dad I was feeling unwell.

I couldn’t get mom and dad on either phone and knew they were home.  I drove over to get my medications early hoping that would calm me as it usually does.

“I feel like I am going to jump out of my skin!” was my reply.

Dad had been cooking a brunch of bacon and biscuits.  He fixed me a plate and told me to sit down and eat a bite.  He then walked out to his car to get my medications in their blister packs which he keeps in the trunk of his Honda.

“What’s wrong?” mom asked, walking into the kitchen in her nightgown.  “You look pained.”

“Oh, it’s just my typical mental illness bullshit,” I replied. “It’s a curse I have to bear.”

Mom hungrily fixed a plate of bacon and biscuits, and sat down with me to eat. 

“Here. Take this,” dad said upon arriving back inside.

He handed me my handful of medications and I took them.

“You will get to feeling better in thirty minutes.”

“I hope so,” was my weak reply.

“What’s Maggie been doing?”

“Oh, she was still in the bed when I left the house.”

“It’s a dog’s life,” dad said laughing.

“She will be going strong about my bedtime no doubt,” I replied with a weak laugh.

Suddenly, my head began to swim and I felt dizzy.  My heart began to pound.

“I’ve got to lie down!”

I lay on the couch for thirty minutes while mom asked me a hundred questions.

“Jesus! Mom! I don’t feel well!” I finally exclaimed.

“How do you feel now after thirty minutes?” dad asked.

“I feel like I can drive home now,” I replied as I sat up to put on my shoes.

“You will feel better in about thirty more minutes,” dad said. “Give your medications time to take effect.”

“It’s my fault,” mom said internalizing the problem.  “You got my terrible genes.  I shouldn’t have had children.”

I sighed.  I just wanted to get home and lie down for a few hours.  Quiet solitude is what I sought out the most.  I realized going over to get my medications was a bad idea.  Dad is hard of hearing and the television was turned up super loud.  Mom was asking me a thousand questions as is her usual custom.  Mom’s cat was hungry and was crying loudly.  The phone was ringing and ringing and nobody was answering it for fears dad would have to make a run to the pharmacy for a customer.   Argghhh!  I was so glad to get home and on my bed where the only sound was that of Maggie snoring softly as she snoozed in my warm covers. 

The Quest for Batteries…

“Do you need anything?” dad asked last night during our medication ritual.

I had noticed when dad handed me my medications that there were eleven pills.  I looked closely and there was an extra 3mg Risperdal.  I didn’t say anything and just took them with one gulp of Wal-Mart grape juice.  I figured the extra anti-psychotic would do me good and would help me sleep well for the night. 

I pointed at the eight home theater remote controls on my coffee table and said, “I really could use some batteries for all of these.”

“Come on,” dad said. “Let’s get in the car and drive to Kroger.”

Dad and I wandered around Kroger looking for batteries.  If mom was along, she would have been asking complete strangers where the batteries are kept.  Thankfully, dad is like me and we would rather just wander and look.  Cooler, less socially anxious inducing heads prevailed. 

“Blu-Ray discs,” I said wantonly as we passed near the magazine rack.

“Pick you out a movie,” dad said. “Get you something you will enjoy.”

I tend to enjoy war themed movies and picked out a recent one that got decent reviews.

“What kind of treat do you and your mother usually get Maggie?” dad then asked. 

“Beef jerky,” I replied. “But it’s expensive.”

“How expensive?” dad asked.

“About ten dollars expensive!”

“Oh hell,” dad replied. “Let’s live high on the hog tonight. Let’s get the Mag dawg something good to eat!”

We finally found the batteries and I sheepishly reached for a package of twenty Duracell AA batteries.

“Too expensive?” I turned to dad and asked with a wince.

“Ah shit,” dad said throwing caution to the wind. “Get you enough batteries to last you awhile.”

I really had a good time shopping with my father last night.  I had a little tinge of anxiety during the experience as Kroger was very busy for a Saturday night.  Lot’s of people were shopping.   The hardest part was waiting in the 20 items or less line that had grown very long.  I was so relieved when we arrived back at the safety of dad’s car and I could relax as he drove. 

On the drive home, dad and I talked about I learning to live a normal life.

“I need help, a mentor, to do so,” I told him. “It is normal for me for my life to be chaotic and in disarray.  It always has been.”

“You’re my project,” dad said as he laughed and smiled. “We are just going to keep trying till we get things right.  Don’t ever give up!”

I smiled as we turned into my driveway.  I kept thinking of that often said line in AA about all us alcoholics being a work in progress.  My life is a far cry better life than it was just a few years ago.  There are setbacks and tumultuous times, but we seem to learn and grow from them.  Long gone are the days were we all struggled against the current and now go with the flow that can be my mentally interesting days.  We go to the doctor, get medications, sedate me, and we all rest.   There is no screaming or hollering as in the old days – the accusations that I must be doing something wrong to cause my mental illness.   I think dad is finally coming to terms that I and mom’s mental illnesses are actually a disease and not a defect in character.  

The Quest for Batteries…

“Do you need anything?” dad asked last night during our medication ritual.

I had noticed when dad handed me my medications that there were eleven pills.  I looked closely and there was an extra 3mg Risperdal.  I didn’t say anything and just took them with one gulp of Wal-Mart grape juice.  I figured the extra anti-psychotic would do me good and would help me sleep well for the night. 

I pointed at the eight home theater remote controls on my coffee table and said, “I really could use some batteries for all of these.”

“Come on,” dad said. “Let’s get in the car and drive to Kroger.”

Dad and I wandered around Kroger looking for batteries.  If mom was along, she would have been asking complete strangers where the batteries are kept.  Thankfully, dad is like me and we would rather just wander and look.  Cooler, less socially anxious inducing heads prevailed. 

“Blu-Ray discs,” I said wantonly as we passed near the magazine rack.

“Pick you out a movie,” dad said. “Get you something you will enjoy.”

I tend to enjoy war themed movies and picked out a recent one that got decent reviews.

“What kind of treat do you and your mother usually get Maggie?” dad then asked. 

“Beef jerky,” I replied. “But it’s expensive.”

“How expensive?” dad asked.

“About ten dollars expensive!”

“Oh hell,” dad replied. “Let’s live high on the hog tonight. Let’s get the Mag dawg something good to eat!”

We finally found the batteries and I sheepishly reached for a package of twenty Duracell AA batteries.

“Too expensive?” I turned to dad and asked with a wince.

“Ah shit,” dad said throwing caution to the wind. “Get you enough batteries to last you awhile.”

I really had a good time shopping with my father last night.  I had a little tinge of anxiety during the experience as Kroger was very busy for a Saturday night.  Lot’s of people were shopping.   The hardest part was waiting in the 20 items or less line that had grown very long.  I was so relieved when we arrived back at the safety of dad’s car and I could relax as he drove. 

On the drive home, dad and I talked about I learning to live a normal life.

“I need help, a mentor, to do so,” I told him. “It is normal for me for my life to be chaotic and in disarray.  It always has been.”

“You’re my project,” dad said as he laughed and smiled. “We are just going to keep trying till we get things right.  Don’t ever give up!”

I smiled as we turned into my driveway.  I kept thinking of that often said line in AA about all us alcoholics being a work in progress.  My life is a far cry better life than it was just a few years ago.  There are setbacks and tumultuous times, but we seem to learn and grow from them.  Long gone are the days were we all struggled against the current and now go with the flow that can be my mentally interesting days.  We go to the doctor, get medications, sedate me, and we all rest.   There is no screaming or hollering as in the old days – the accusations that I must be doing something wrong to cause my mental illness.   I think dad is finally coming to terms that I and mom’s mental illnesses are actually a disease and not a defect in character.  

Downtime…

“You’re doing too much too soon!” dad told me scolding me a moment ago on the phone. “Your mother just called and said you went and got an estimate for that black lady's car.  You need to let her family handle all that.”

“Yes sir,” I replied.  Dad is right.  I am an all or nothing fellow and went from 0 to 60 in a matter of a day. 

“Rest for a week,” he said. “Listen to your music.  Enjoy your home theater.  Just relax and let your medications work.  I told your mother not to get y’all up something to do either like she will often do.   She’s resting as well.  I ordered you both some downtime.  I will see you at three or four with your medications for the day.”

Downtime…

“You’re doing too much too soon!” dad told me scolding me a moment ago on the phone. “Your mother just called and said you went and got an estimate for that black lady's car.  You need to let her family handle all that.”

“Yes sir,” I replied.  Dad is right.  I am an all or nothing fellow and went from 0 to 60 in a matter of a day. 

“Rest for a week,” he said. “Listen to your music.  Enjoy your home theater.  Just relax and let your medications work.  I told your mother not to get y’all up something to do either like she will often do.   She’s resting as well.  I ordered you both some downtime.  I will see you at three or four with your medications for the day.”

Busy Morning So Far….

I got up at 3am and cleaned and cleaned until my house was almost spotless.  The cleanliness of my living environment is a direct reflection of my mental health.  My house can go to hell if I am feeling mentally interesting.   Dad came by about seven before work and gave me my morning dosage of Risperdal and exclaimed, “Dear God! This looks so good!  You can really do things when you set your mind to them!”  My house does look nice.  I am tired from doing all that this morning, but it feels good.  I don’t want to live in the filth I did when I was married to Rachel.  We constantly fought over cleaning.  My mother says she was sloppy and a slob.

Next on the agenda was Maggie’s walk.  We took a quick 45 minute jaunt around the neighborhood just as the sun was rising good in the sky.  It was chilly, but not cold.  Maggie was overjoyed to be resuming this usual routine of ours.  She walked with a certain strut in her step – her tail held high and her head erect.  We stopped at every interesting little thing to sniff and investigate.  It was her first walk in over a week. 

There is a body shop down the street from my home.  I ran by Mrs. Florene’s house to get the Skylark and took it for an estimate.  They want $300 dollars to take the dent out of the fender and to repaint it.  Mrs. Florene was so pleased I was saving her $200 dollars off the original estimate.  She cooked me a quick breakfast of some sausage biscuits.  She cooked for an army and I had a big bag of sausage biscuits to carry home with me.   No new news from George though.  Mrs. Florene is worried about him and keeps hoping he will call or write.   She asked me if I would drive her down to visit George in Atmore on the visitation days.  I told her I couldn’t do all that, and that she would have to ask George’s cousin, Monte, to do it.   I just don’t think I am up to driving 5 hours just yet.  I can get nervous just driving across town to my parent’s house.  It is hard to believe I used to drive an 80,000 pound big rig for a living at one point in my life!  Now?  A 3,000 pound Honda CR-V scares the bejeebus out of me!   

Busy Morning So Far….

I got up at 3am and cleaned and cleaned until my house was almost spotless.  The cleanliness of my living environment is a direct reflection of my mental health.  My house can go to hell if I am feeling mentally interesting.   Dad came by about seven before work and gave me my morning dosage of Risperdal and exclaimed, “Dear God! This looks so good!  You can really do things when you set your mind to them!”  My house does look nice.  I am tired from doing all that this morning, but it feels good.  I don’t want to live in the filth I did when I was married to Rachel.  We constantly fought over cleaning.  My mother says she was sloppy and a slob.

Next on the agenda was Maggie’s walk.  We took a quick 45 minute jaunt around the neighborhood just as the sun was rising good in the sky.  It was chilly, but not cold.  Maggie was overjoyed to be resuming this usual routine of ours.  She walked with a certain strut in her step – her tail held high and her head erect.  We stopped at every interesting little thing to sniff and investigate.  It was her first walk in over a week. 

There is a body shop down the street from my home.  I ran by Mrs. Florene’s house to get the Skylark and took it for an estimate.  They want $300 dollars to take the dent out of the fender and to repaint it.  Mrs. Florene was so pleased I was saving her $200 dollars off the original estimate.  She cooked me a quick breakfast of some sausage biscuits.  She cooked for an army and I had a big bag of sausage biscuits to carry home with me.   No new news from George though.  Mrs. Florene is worried about him and keeps hoping he will call or write.   She asked me if I would drive her down to visit George in Atmore on the visitation days.  I told her I couldn’t do all that, and that she would have to ask George’s cousin, Monte, to do it.   I just don’t think I am up to driving 5 hours just yet.  I can get nervous just driving across town to my parent’s house.  It is hard to believe I used to drive an 80,000 pound big rig for a living at one point in my life!  Now?  A 3,000 pound Honda CR-V scares the bejeebus out of me!   

My Thoughts at the End of the Blogging Day…

There’s a Difference…

There’s a difference in dad these past few episodes of mental illness I have experienced.  He is kinder, gentler and far, far more forgiving of my foibles.  He is quick to tell me he loves me and Johnny-on-the-spot about getting me medical attention. 

“You need cigarettes?  Don’t you?” dad just called and asked.  “It’s been a week since you last asked for any.  And be sure to drive over to go get your diet Cokes tonight.  It is driving your mother crazy that you haven’t gotten them in days.”

I talked for a minute and dad interrupted and said, “Thank God!  You sound like a different man.  You’re coherent now!  I don’t think you realized it, but you were talking some crazy and wacky stuff for a few days there.”

“What makes you so want to be homeless when you get like that?” dad then asked. “You have such a nice, comfortable home.”

“It’s my social anxieties,” I replied. “Out in the woods is where no one could find me.  The phone wouldn’t ring and the constant knocking at my home’s door would stop.  I could relax knowing I was a safe human free space for the most part.”

“Well, I am just glad you’re better.  You sound so different.  I will bring your cigarettes tonight.  I love you,” dad said in closing. 

Dad’s usual reaction when I get mentally ill is to search my home for signs of beer or over the counter medications.  He didn’t do that this time.  We both talked about how hard I have been trying with regards to my addictions – that I have been religiously going to AA up until I had this recent episode with my schizophrenia.   We both remarked about how my life used to be constantly like it was these past few days years ago – that I had much more mentally ill days than I did good days.   So there is hope and I hope I am getting better.   We all now know how to better react when these situations arise – no screaming and hollering.  No accusations of untoward doings.   Just simply getting medical attention as promptly as possible before things get worse or spiral out of control.   

Warning Will Robinson!

This is how crazy my mind works sometimes.  My psychiatrist weighed me during Wednesday’s emergency visit.  I weighed 186 pounds.  My last visit three months ago, I weighed 167.  I was extremely mentally ill and still freaked out about my weight.   Dad was just ecstatic.  My bulimia for some reason hits a sore spot with him and he worries about it deeply.   All I could think about was that I was getting fat again.  At one time in my life, I weighed 277 pounds at it’s highest.  I was a chunk!  So I have been obsessing today about my weight.  I have cut my portion sizes in  half and have put myself on a diet.  I am going to have delicately break it to my doctor that weighing with every visit is not a good idea for someone who struggles with bulimia.  It freaks us out!

Miss My Camera!

The part I need for my camera is only around ten to twenty bucks so why do I still not have a working camera?   Because it is an extreme hassle to get dad to get “The Girls” to order it for me.  I talked to dad before this recent episode of mental illness and he said he would order the part.  I just have to get it together enough to write down the item number on piece of paper so he can get Tricia down at the pharmacy to order it.  I could be dastardly and get mom involved.  But that would certainly piss dad off.  LOL   Mom is so obsessive compulsive about such things that she wouldn’t let my father rest until the part got here and was in my hands.  She thinks we have already gotten the part at Wal-Mart the other week.

My Thoughts at the End of the Blogging Day…

There’s a Difference…

There’s a difference in dad these past few episodes of mental illness I have experienced.  He is kinder, gentler and far, far more forgiving of my foibles.  He is quick to tell me he loves me and Johnny-on-the-spot about getting me medical attention. 

“You need cigarettes?  Don’t you?” dad just called and asked.  “It’s been a week since you last asked for any.  And be sure to drive over to go get your diet Cokes tonight.  It is driving your mother crazy that you haven’t gotten them in days.”

I talked for a minute and dad interrupted and said, “Thank God!  You sound like a different man.  You’re coherent now!  I don’t think you realized it, but you were talking some crazy and wacky stuff for a few days there.”

“What makes you so want to be homeless when you get like that?” dad then asked. “You have such a nice, comfortable home.”

“It’s my social anxieties,” I replied. “Out in the woods is where no one could find me.  The phone wouldn’t ring and the constant knocking at my home’s door would stop.  I could relax knowing I was a safe human free space for the most part.”

“Well, I am just glad you’re better.  You sound so different.  I will bring your cigarettes tonight.  I love you,” dad said in closing. 

Dad’s usual reaction when I get mentally ill is to search my home for signs of beer or over the counter medications.  He didn’t do that this time.  We both talked about how hard I have been trying with regards to my addictions – that I have been religiously going to AA up until I had this recent episode with my schizophrenia.   We both remarked about how my life used to be constantly like it was these past few days years ago – that I had much more mentally ill days than I did good days.   So there is hope and I hope I am getting better.   We all now know how to better react when these situations arise – no screaming and hollering.  No accusations of untoward doings.   Just simply getting medical attention as promptly as possible before things get worse or spiral out of control.   

Warning Will Robinson!

This is how crazy my mind works sometimes.  My psychiatrist weighed me during Wednesday’s emergency visit.  I weighed 186 pounds.  My last visit three months ago, I weighed 167.  I was extremely mentally ill and still freaked out about my weight.   Dad was just ecstatic.  My bulimia for some reason hits a sore spot with him and he worries about it deeply.   All I could think about was that I was getting fat again.  At one time in my life, I weighed 277 pounds at it’s highest.  I was a chunk!  So I have been obsessing today about my weight.  I have cut my portion sizes in  half and have put myself on a diet.  I am going to have delicately break it to my doctor that weighing with every visit is not a good idea for someone who struggles with bulimia.  It freaks us out!

Miss My Camera!

The part I need for my camera is only around ten to twenty bucks so why do I still not have a working camera?   Because it is an extreme hassle to get dad to get “The Girls” to order it for me.  I talked to dad before this recent episode of mental illness and he said he would order the part.  I just have to get it together enough to write down the item number on piece of paper so he can get Tricia down at the pharmacy to order it.  I could be dastardly and get mom involved.  But that would certainly piss dad off.  LOL   Mom is so obsessive compulsive about such things that she wouldn’t let my father rest until the part got here and was in my hands.  She thinks we have already gotten the part at Wal-Mart the other week.

Mental Health Woes and Homeless Ideation…

“You can’t drive when you are like this,” dad told me the other day as he yanked my car keys from my hand.  “You are outta your gourd as far as your mental illness is concerned.  You don’t even know what day of the week it is.”

I was busily packing up my car with all the things I needed to live successfully on the few thousand acres of land my family owns.   I had put so much in the car that you couldn’t see out the rear view mirror and back window.   I was going live homeless in the woods where no one could find me or bother me – my social anxieties had been screaming for a break from life for days.   I was also extremely delusional my father told me.  “You were making up some wild and convoluted stories that just did not make sense.” 

Wednesday rolled around and dad and I sat in my psychiatrists office.  Dad went on and on about how I always want to be a homeless man when I get very mentally ill. 

“He says he is going to live off the land!” dad told the doctor excitedly. “He says he is tired of people and just wants to escape.”

“I suggest we hospitalize him to get him stable,” Dr. K told my father.

“No! No! No!” I exclaimed as I interjected and started to get up and leave.  “You’re not putting me in the psych ward for a few weeks where I can’t smoke.”

A compromise was reached where dad would come by every morning and give me an extra 3mg Risperdal on top of the six milligrams I was already taking at night.  That did the trick.  I felt better and better yesterday and am now back to normal now.  Now comes the arduous task of unpacking my car.  I literally got so much junk in my car that you wouldn't believe it.  I was going to be one of the most best equipped homeless men in the state.  

Mental Health Woes and Homeless Ideation…

“You can’t drive when you are like this,” dad told me the other day as he yanked my car keys from my hand.  “You are outta your gourd as far as your mental illness is concerned.  You don’t even know what day of the week it is.”

I was busily packing up my car with all the things I needed to live successfully on the few thousand acres of land my family owns.   I had put so much in the car that you couldn’t see out the rear view mirror and back window.   I was going live homeless in the woods where no one could find me or bother me – my social anxieties had been screaming for a break from life for days.   I was also extremely delusional my father told me.  “You were making up some wild and convoluted stories that just did not make sense.” 

Wednesday rolled around and dad and I sat in my psychiatrists office.  Dad went on and on about how I always want to be a homeless man when I get very mentally ill. 

“He says he is going to live off the land!” dad told the doctor excitedly. “He says he is tired of people and just wants to escape.”

“I suggest we hospitalize him to get him stable,” Dr. K told my father.

“No! No! No!” I exclaimed as I interjected and started to get up and leave.  “You’re not putting me in the psych ward for a few weeks where I can’t smoke.”

A compromise was reached where dad would come by every morning and give me an extra 3mg Risperdal on top of the six milligrams I was already taking at night.  That did the trick.  I felt better and better yesterday and am now back to normal now.  Now comes the arduous task of unpacking my car.  I literally got so much junk in my car that you wouldn't believe it.  I was going to be one of the most best equipped homeless men in the state.  

Quirks About Coast to Coast AM…

With my subscription to Streamlink, I can listen to Coast to Coast AM shows from years ago.  I am listening to a show right now where the guest says he has had visions that Yellowstone will blow any day now then.  It never did.  This is a common theme with Coast to Coast AM – calamities.  With 2012 growing ever closer, more and more programming is being devoting to the so called end of the world.  I am far too cynical to believe such tripe.  2012 is just simply the end of the Mayan calendar.  Nothing more.  Nothing less.  My analytical mind tells me that scientists today are far more likely to predict a major change in the earth than some ancient culture that didn’t even have electricity or the ability to fly.   Of course, this gets the wackadoos all stirred up and they will call into the show with their opinions on the subject.  I will probably get flamed, but these people are most likely mentally ill to a degree.  I find a lot of the callers sound mentally ill more so than I do on a bad day. 

Another common theme with Coast to Coast AM is the paranormal.  I just don’t believe in extraterrestrial UFOs or ghosts.  My ex-wife swore she saw a UFO once. “It was floating lights in the sky,” she would say.   She was a believer and had me build a fast computer just to run SETI@Home – a mass computer project years ago devoted to the search for extraterrestrial signals in the sky.   “Just because it was an unidentified flying object didn’t necessarily mean it was from another world,” I would tell her.  

That said, I still love the show.  It is fascinating in a way to listen to these people go on and on about things that aren’t real – much more fascinating then listening to Glenn Beck bitch about “Obama Care”.   My favorite shows are when they discuss science, space, or physics.  You just can’t find this type of deep science related material on popular radio without the help of Coast to Coast AM.  

Quirks About Coast to Coast AM…

With my subscription to Streamlink, I can listen to Coast to Coast AM shows from years ago.  I am listening to a show right now where the guest says he has had visions that Yellowstone will blow any day now then.  It never did.  This is a common theme with Coast to Coast AM – calamities.  With 2012 growing ever closer, more and more programming is being devoting to the so called end of the world.  I am far too cynical to believe such tripe.  2012 is just simply the end of the Mayan calendar.  Nothing more.  Nothing less.  My analytical mind tells me that scientists today are far more likely to predict a major change in the earth than some ancient culture that didn’t even have electricity or the ability to fly.   Of course, this gets the wackadoos all stirred up and they will call into the show with their opinions on the subject.  I will probably get flamed, but these people are most likely mentally ill to a degree.  I find a lot of the callers sound mentally ill more so than I do on a bad day. 

Another common theme with Coast to Coast AM is the paranormal.  I just don’t believe in extraterrestrial UFOs or ghosts.  My ex-wife swore she saw a UFO once. “It was floating lights in the sky,” she would say.   She was a believer and had me build a fast computer just to run SETI@Home – a mass computer project years ago devoted to the search for extraterrestrial signals in the sky.   “Just because it was an unidentified flying object didn’t necessarily mean it was from another world,” I would tell her.  

That said, I still love the show.  It is fascinating in a way to listen to these people go on and on about things that aren’t real – much more fascinating then listening to Glenn Beck bitch about “Obama Care”.   My favorite shows are when they discuss science, space, or physics.  You just can’t find this type of deep science related material on popular radio without the help of Coast to Coast AM.