Maggie keeps coming into the computer room to see if is time for bed bless her beautiful little heart. The storm is still raging outside like I've never heard before. I’ve lost whole days lately – like drinking black outs. Music is timeless and has been my solace. Many afternoons have found me curled up on the bed listening to and an old James Taylor CD on my iPod. Thank you to those of you who never gave up on me and still read. My natural inclination was not to blog and hide, but I tried something different this time and you could see me crazy and all. It is obvious that I have a mental illness now. So where do we go from here? I am shying away from a medication solution. Most psychiatric drugs make you more miserable than the illness they are trying to cure.
Dad is itching and wringing his hands to take control again. He means well, but will keep my money and my SSDI money separate for the time being. I have a more healthy relationship when we keep some distance. I want to keep my current doctor who has me on 2mg Risperdal before bed. Today was the most stable day I’ve had in weeks.
One thing I hate about home ownership lately is the solicitation of said at my home. I have had a hundred people this week (I know I am exaggerating some here), but you get the point. The dogs go nuts. My anxiety levels go off the charts and I end of an anxious mess. Usually, I will go hide into the bathroom and Maggie signals the all clear. I know a simple no solicitation sign would help, but they are so ugly,
I saw my niece and nephew for the first time in over a year today.
“You know I would never hurt your children,” I told my sister and she gave me a hug.
They only let mom around them supervised. It embarrasses my mother deeply.
14 comments:
I'm glad to see all of it, actually. And yes, you do have a healthier relationship with dad now but especially with your doctor. I trust you have called her to tell her about this break? If not, please, please do so first thing tomorrow.
And I do know that meds can screw things up a lot with side effects, but perhaps something else -- added carefully and slowly -- will help these breaks. It sounds like this doc is much more apt to do this than dad's buddy, so dig in your heels and go see your own doc.
Glad you're safe and able to post, with all the awful storms in AL,GA, MS areas tonight. I've been reading about them.
I agree with Beth - keep your own doctor! That was one of the best decisions you ever made. Please stick to it.
If you go with dad to see the lawyer, make sure you carefully read whatever you are signing. You just need to know what kind of control you are giving dad! It would not be out of line to ask for a copy of anything you are signing. If dad is insulted that's too bad. It's your future at stake here!
So glad you're feeling better!
Love to you & the girls!
Grannie
Sounds like you are handling all of this so well. Good for you! I'm guessing you saw your doc, since I think you'd gone completely off meds and are now on 2mg. Seems like it's made a difference:) Maybe you just need a much lower dose than you'd been on.
That was me above, too many typos!!
I totally agree with the above. Keep your own doctor and don't let dad have too much control.
Take care of yourself and take good care of Maggie and Caramel as they are helpless to take care of themselves.
Also, get a No Solicitation sign for your front door or if that can't be done, lock your front gate.
Today I wish I were a woodworker/craftsperson. I would make you a "No Solicitors" sign that you would be proud to hang. You can't have those folks intruding on you all the time.
Looks to me like you're handling this crisis well. Take good care of yourself.
Thanks for continuing to blog, even when you are not as well as you'd like to be.
I agree with the others, keep your own doctor and follow her advice, not your Dad's. I'm sure he means well, but look how much better you've done since you started handling things yourself. While you're bound to have a setback every now and then, you're making much healthier and better decisions for yourself. Why would we give up on you, when we know you aren't giving up on yourself? Take care, this too shall pass. :)
I'm so sorry you've had a rough couple of weeks but it sounds like you're on the other side of it now. Plus you have been learning more about yourself. I guess the trick will be to try and find a level of meds that will be enough to keep you stable, but not enough to overwhelm you with side effects. That will be hard but you may have to put up with some of the side effects in order to stay stable.
Continued prayers and big hugs to you.
Sir:
Just a few thoughts to ponder:
1. Keep in mind ALL the wonderful progress you have been having in your life during the last year. Please do not get into the all-or-none thinking that could cause you to negate all that progress... the progress is valuable, is true, and is something to be proud of.
2. Please keep in close contact with YOUR mental health physician about any matter concerning your mental state. Please do not take other medications that people may want to give you that are not approved by YOUR mental health physician.
3. Rest when you feel like it, try to find something enjoyable when you do not wish to rest. Perhaps working with your camera?
Hope this helps some!
PipeTobacco
http://frumpyprofessor.blogspot.com
I think you're much better when your father isn't over-medicating you... in spite of this episode. It was worrying to read your recent posts, but then reassuring as you began to emerge from it. I'm so glad you're doing better.
It sounds like a good idea to contact your doctor. I am glad that you are feeling better. I am fortunate to live way out in the country so solicitation isn't an issue thankfully.
It is obvious you have done so well with YOUR doctor. Keep her and follow her orders! Lots of good advice here. Be very cautious about what you sign at your dad's lawyer. You want to keep control of your own life. You can get a small no solicitation sign at Home Depot or Lowe's. It would be well worth the small investment. Just remember you control your life.
So glad you survived the storms. We were up until after 2:00 a.m. this morning watching and waiting for them to pass through our area. I saw your little town was under direct hit for a tornado.
You will navigate your way through this as you have done for almost a year now. I think keeping your dr. is a good idea and that way perhaps keeping your meds to a level which is tolerable and has less side affects. Even with your break, you are doing ok. I know you are feeling it from the inside and we can't know what that is like, but you have been able to hold on somewhat and that shows a marked difference. Don't feel like you have thrown away all the progress you have made. When you get the meds kicked in and adjusted then it will be easier to figure out where to go from here.
On a side note, I have been trying an "alternative" therapy for my migraines and it is supposed to help with anxiety, depression and insomnia as well. It is called Alpha-stim and I will let you know how it works for me. It uses micro current and shouldn't harm you and you can at least ask your dr about it if I find it helps with the migraines. Only started yesterday so I will keep you posted after 3 or 4 weeks and let you know how it worked.
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