“I’m worried about you,” my momma told me tonight with lots of empathy thrown in. “You always call me everyday and you haven’t been doing that lately. And you didn’t get your sodas today as well. That’s something you haven’t missed in years when you are well. They are still sitting on the porch.”
“It’s just a touch of depression,” I told my mother playing it off so she wouldn’t worry too much. “It will pass in a week or two.”
I drove over to get my sodas after getting off the phone with mom just to assuage some of her worries. I didn’t mean to miss that. I’ve just had lots of things on my mind lately. I’ve been very preoccupied for some reason – mainly my new volunteer position. Juggling all my responsibilities can be a full time job for me in and of itself. If I miss or do anything out of the ordinary for me, the family mental illness klaxons go to sounding loudly. Kinfolks seem to come running out of the woodwork to put out the proverbial fires.
“How did I, a seasoned underachiever, get born in a family of gross overachievers?” I asked dad tonight when he stopped by after work. “My last life must have been a karmic mess and disaster, and I am paying for it in this life. Couldn’t I have at least been born average? Or slightly above average?”
7 comments:
You don't fail at life - you simply have more challenges than other people do - but we all have our own issues, problems, and fears. You're brave enough to confront them and share them with us. For that I appreciate you very much.
it really must be hard to be you sometime , something none of us can really understand . do you think relaxing yoga would help? just a suggestion , keep well
hugs
:)
How many of those overachievers have had to deal with severe mental illness and alcohol addiction though? You're doing fine.
Hey Andrew - Be careful of taking on too heavy a schedule with the volunteer job. Are you going every day? That might be too much. You don't want to get burnt out which is really easy with volunteering, and you also want to be able to have enough time to do what you need/want to keep yourself balanced. Just my 2 cents. :)
Please don't compare yourself to anyone else. Life is not a contest where you're in competition to achieve more than the next person. Just be yourself. Remember that you're unique and, that you have skills that others don't have. I couldn't rebuild or repair a computer if my life depended on it. You're a good, kind person - keep reminding yourself of your excellent qualities.
Everybody has baggage, regardless of what their lives may appear to be. Some of us have heavier bags than others. Maybe it's karma, maybe it's just random fate. But you do all you can, where you are, with what you've got, and it looks like that's what you're doing. That's all any of us can do. Stop beating yourself up, Jonathon, and be kind to yourself. You are intelligent, gifted, and caring. That doesn't suck.
Please be a little easier on yourself. I would never consider you an under- achiever. What work you have done to get your life on track has been tremendous and very successful. Helping folks become literate is one service to your community that everyone benefits from. Friend, you are not a failure.
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