From 0 to 100 mph in an Instant…

I could hear harsh and loud knocking on my front door at 8am as I quickly put on some clothes and took off my pajamas.  My heart was just pounding something fierce at the sudden arrival of a visitor and being woken up so abruptly from a very, very deep sleep. I felt disorientated.

“Maid service!” Charlie said laughing as he was carrying a small toy poodle in his hand.  “I promised your father that we will get your house interior in an immaculate state today.”

This made me nervous.  I had been overly abruptly woken up.   And I didn’t think my house was that dirty.  But, of course, my eyesight is pretty bad and terrible as well, and I guess I wasn’t seeing all the dirt and dog hair.

Charlie and I worked all morning doing dishes, scrubbing and mopping floors, washing counters, cleaning bathrooms and doing laundry.

Maggie was so fascinated by the little toy poodle named Candy as well.  The poodle was about a fourth of Maggie’s size. There was lots of mutual tail wagging going on.   

Plumbers Named James and Yard Care…

I had been telling my father that I thought my toilet was leaking. I had a suspicion that I could hear it dripping.  I was under the house yesterday going through some old vinyl records of mine and I saw water dripping from the ceiling where the toilet is.  Charlie was immediately dispatched by dad to find us a plumber.  His name was James and boy was he a character.  I almost cried when I pulled out my wallet to pay him for his services, though.  My cars and my house are going to make me go broke.

“If you help me get my yard cut and clean, then we will do yours,” dad told me mustering up the cavalry before I got off the phone. 

Dad and I worked for hours and hours cutting grass, trimming hedges and pulling down vines,  Our yards now both look pristine in the bright sunshine of this morning.  It is a good feeling to walk outside and feel so, so much pride in your achievement and handiwork. We worked our asses off in the heat of the day.

Furniture Shopping At Fort Benning… 

Dad, Charlie, and my mother are going to look for furniture down in Columbus, Georgia for their dens this morning at the Laz-E-Boy Memorial Day sales event.  Dad asked me if I wanted the couch and chairs currently in their den. They are certainly beautiful, but I declined.  “I fear It is to big to fit in my den,” I told my father.  “And besides, Maggie likes to sit on the back of our current couch. It’s her guard dog perch.”

Doris to the Rescue…

My neighbor, Mr. Ed, fell and broke his hip Friday night.  His three adopted children were in town to help see about him and take care of his affairs while he is in the hospital.  Dad opened the fence without thinking about Maggie and Maggie bolted out of the gate.

“Shit!” dad exclaimed. “We will never get her now. Son of a Bitch!”

Doris, Ed’s daughter, was walking through Joyce's yard to come and see us.  Maggie ran straight to her and Doris picked her up despite her weighing thirty pounds. It was like a miracle happened I told my father later.

“Thank you so very, very much,” I told Doris. “She doesn’t understand or fear cars and getting in the road.”

A Day With a Steak is a Good Day Indeed…

The evening ended with mom and dad both bringing Maggie and I grilled steaks special delivered from Charlie.  There was a big bag of table scraps for Maggie which elated her. 

Oh, Don’t Mind Me if I Show Up and Raid Your Fridge…

I was certainly dead set at lunchtime to get more of Helen’s wonderful, extra special fried chicken and her scrumptious macaroni and cheese.  My father hollered from down the hall as I was down in the basement, “What are you doing son?”

“I am raiding your fridges of Helen’s leftover cooking!” I said joyfully.

You could hear dad chuckle even from that far away.

“Leave your mother some, okay?” my father told me.

I have never ever seen my father eat leftovers.  He wants his meals to be freshly prepared and cooked. I personally think some meals are even better the next day than when they are first cooked. Pizza comes to mind.

Smile! It’s a Sunny Sunday…

And a time to celebrate if you have a well mind.  If you have your sanity and your wits about you then you are so very, very blessed in these travels through life.   Luckily, I have done pretty well these past few weeks (a respite) despite having the odds stacked against me.  But like the weather, my condition could change without notice and with a scary and abrupt suddenness.  I never know what lurks around the corner in my eccentric brain’s fickle winds. That’s the hardest part of being mentally eccentric – not knowing what is going to happen next, or what lurks around the corner.

Good God It’s Gorgeous Outside…

I took Maggie for her long lamented and way past due walk today on a day which is turning out to be one of the more pleasanter and prettiest days in recent memory.  I promised myself I was going to make this a regular ritual for Maggie’s sake come rain, snow or sunshine.  We were only gone for an hour and before I knew it we were back home after walking a few blocks.  Maggie likes to meet and greet with all the other neighborhood dogs which sets the pace. It seems like every other house on my street has a dog in a fence and they all have totally diverse and distinct personalities. Just like people.   

Clouds Overcome a Bright Sun…

I am in music discovery mode today and am listening to lots of John Mayer.  For about every tenth song I love, the rest are just meh!  I need to see if he has and if I can order a greatest hits compilation.  I still hesitate buying and downloading them as mp3s though.  I want an actual physical backup compact disc in my hands and in my collection thanks to Amazon.

Mom just stopped by in what we affectionately call “the battle tank” within the family. My late grandmothers huge car.  I know dad gulped nervously when he handed the keys over to my mother yesterday. She had Helen’s meal for me.  I finally got my much coveted Helen’s macaroni and cheese and I wasn’t disappointed.  I called mom and told her to be sure and save any leftovers for me and Maggie.  She said she would.

The Eccentricity of Me…

“Your mother is certainly on a high these days and you seem to be on a lowest of lows,” my father told me last night as we sat on my couch. (more psychoanalysis that I grow tired of)  I assured him there is no rhyme nor reason to our insanity.  Lately, I’ve blatantly taken to calling myself eccentric rather than mentally ill and I told dad this.  Sounds better I hope? It makes me feel better. Dad agreed. There is so, so much stigma surrounding true mental illness and I tend to shy away from it.

“I want to be like my cousin Sarah,” I told my father as I glanced over towards him,  “Everybody knows she is mentally ill and they just politely call her very interesting instead.” 

“Your mother had another flat tire yesterday,” dad then told me exasperated changing the subject.  “There was a hole the size of a silver dollar in the sidewall.”

“What is mom driving now?” I asked my father.

“Your late grandmother’s huge Buick,” dad said as he very visibly winced.   

Last night, dad was all excited about the Falkland island war between Argentina and Great Britain.  He was surprised at what I knew about a war that happed during my early childhood.  I pulled up the Falkland Island incident via Wikipedia in seconds on my iPad and dad had the best time reading about it.

“This is revolutionary how easy you can find things and information on the Internet,” dad told me.

“It certainly is a game changer,” I replied with an approving grin. 

Andrew’s Ice Cream Day…

I had told mom to quit this since I can just drive down to the Piggly Wiggly and pay for this myself. She insists on doing this once a week.  I thought I would never grow to say this, but I am tired of ice cream.  Mom wanted to know what flavor to get today and I told her chocolate.     

Come On In. The Water is Warm…

You know? For a crazy person who battles with social phobias, I sure have a lot of people in my daily life these days.  Most of these friendships just came out of nowhere.  Dad tells me I have quite a gift for getting on the “social stage” and a panache for small talk. I feel like I am a fish out of water, though. It is one of the most uncomfortable situations I deal with in life. But this is mostly fodder for my therapist and I won’t bother you with the details.

Grand Plans Said the Man…

I’m kind of excited and antsy tonight.  A special treat is on its way to me.  My father just called and said he is bringing by a plate of food from a dinner he hosted tonight.  I absolutely relish home cooked meals. Dad said he used his mother’s recipe for the squash casserole.  I look forward to that the most.  Squash casserole is in my top ten favorite casseroles and I am a casserole man. I asked him if he used Vidalia onions in it and he said yes. Hot Damn!

From Eight to Twelve, That’s When They Have Me…

“Can I play Texas hold ‘em poker on this computer?” a brave young man asked me early this morning.

I passed the buck and told him to ask my administrator first.  I could hear Mrs. Pauline sharply admonish him that the computers were for improving literacy skills only.  I smiled.  At least, he had the courage to ask.  I would have never gotten that far. 

I spent most of the morning installing Linux Ubuntu on two of the very oldest and most ancient of our computers.  It installed and those computers are just almost like new again – very snappy.  I have been seriously contemplating installing Ubuntu on my home computer again, also.  I just can’t live without Windows Live Writer for writing my blog.  That is what is holding me back. 

Be Nice… Play Nice…

My mother called me after a short visit to her psychiatrist today. She was upset and distraught. You could hear her sniffle from across the phone line. 

“I’ve gained ten pounds in the past three months,” she said woefully of the doctor weighing her.  “I thought I had lost some, but I have been too shy to weigh at home.  Your father was not very happy about it at all.”

“He’s just worried you will get diabetes and has said so many times,” I told my mother. “Zyprexa is noted for causing high blood sugar problems and diabetes.”

Sun Down, Sun Up…

That seems to be my steadfast schedule these days.  I go to bed when it gets dark and wake up to the light of dawn on the horizon.  Much, much less disorienting than working nights.  And I am sleeping very well I might add, also. 

I woke up this morning with arm dangling off the bed and Maggie was busily licking my fingers and hand.  She was already going strong and there was still just a sliver of light on the horizon. I checked her food and water bowls and she was just hungry. Mom switched Maggie to a new lamb and rice formula dog food and she loves it amazingly.  She can’t get enough of it.  

Back to San Diego They Go…

My brother got another promotion in the Navy and they are headed back to San Diego from Washington D.C. for the time being.   Dad and Charlie are going to help drive their cars across the nation (imagine that drive?).  Helen will be doing most of the cooking and cleaning for mom while dad is gone.

Hemorrhaging Money…

It seems that every time I turn around that is another expense.  Yesterday, I took my Honda in to get five new tires put on.  It badly needed doing though,  Even the spare tire had begun to go flat.  

A Good Ole Soul Comes Back Home to Us…

Helen was dutifully at work this early morning as I was getting ready to leave for my volunteer position. She was cooking some scrambled cheese eggs and had some biscuits in the oven. Soon, the smell of frying sausage would be upon the air. 

“Are you okay?” I asked as I gave her a big heartfelt bear hug. 

“My diverticulitis was acting up,” Helen replied with a pained look on her face.  “I haven’t been very careful with what I have been eating lately. That will teach me not to do that anymore. I felt terrible.”

Mom ambled into the kitchen just about as I was leaving for work out the back door. 

“It’s good to have her back,” she joyfully said of Helen as she poured her a large glass of orange juice.

Yes.  Yes, it was.  I was very worried about her.

The Modesty Is Not With Us…

Dad’s mom, my grandmother, was like this as well.  They have no qualms about embarrassing a family member with their lack of modesty.  I knocked on mom and dad’s kitchen door late last night to get my iPad I had left ever there earlier in the day.  Dad answered the door in just a towel draped around his waist. 

“Good God dad!” I said laughing nervously. “Put some clothes on. You have no modesty whatsoever.”

The Rapture Passed Without Event…

The Rapture that was supposed to happen yesterday was the trending event all across the Internet and social networks yesterday – lots of tongue in cheek jokes going on.  Move along, Move along. Nothing to see here.  Now we have 2012 to see how adept the Mayans were at predicting our demise. 

Swimming With Sharks…

That’s how I feel sometimes – often lately – like swimming with sharks we are all so competitive and ladder climbing when it comes to life, work and our jobs. It’s a dog eat dog world out there that I haven’t really taken a part of in years other than my last job working third shift..  Luckily, I don’t get paid so that takes much of the pressure off me. It also makes me much less threatening to my coworkers by volunteering. I seldom, if at all, get shunned which I see from time to time at work. It reminds me of classic schoolyard politics with a little bit of playground bullying thrown in.

I Can Read You Like a Book…

“What’s wrong with you dad?” I asked my father as we sat on my couch last night talking. “You just seem so worried and preoccupied.”   

“Is it that obvious?” dad asked me back.  “You and your mother seem to have a second sense when it comes to feelings and emotion. She asked me the same thing before I drove over here.  She thought I was mad at her.”

“It comes from a lifetime of tiptoeing around other people’s feelings and emotions and then personalizing or making them your own.” I told my father,  “It’s a rather miserable intuition and condition. One that I don't wish upon anybody.”

Fraught with Felines…

The local indigenous population of homeless cats is driving Maggie crazy this morning. If a cat walks through our yard then the crap hits the fan.  She has barked for hours and hours making me walk outside to see if my car is still there (my biggest fear).  I know my neighbors hate me now.  Maybe I can go coax Maggie inside with some ham and cheese.  That usually works like charm. 

A Domesticated Weekend…

Just popped a poppy seed (will it make me high? hehe) and chicken casserole in the oven.  It already smells wonderful since it started cooking around 30 minutes ago. It was my Aunt Jean’s recipe and my father highly recommended it. My father said he was going to stop by after work and eat lunch with me.  I’m not getting my hopes up too high, though. The drugstore has been closed an hour and still no sign of him yet. There has been many a meal eaten at my kitchen table with just Maggie and I. I will survive. Actually it will a load off my shoulders. I’ve had enough psychoanalysis for a life time these days.  

It’s a Merl’s Kind Of Night…

Helen reluctantly called in sick around noon to all of our surprise and disappointment.  I don’t think Helen has called in once in the ten years she has worked for my father which is what really caused us to worry about her. .

Dad had picked the menu the other night over at my house with my help.  We were going to have fried chicken, pear salad, and macaroni and cheese. Dad was going to pick the vegetables – whatever looked fresh in the produce department.  I had asked for steamed broccoli and dad thought that sounded good as well with a lemon/butter sauce. Alas, it was just not to be.

I had just got out of my nightly shower a moment ago when mom’s horn blared outside by the road. Maggie went bananas at her arrival as I quickly put on a t-shirt and shorts to see what was going on with mom.  Mom had brought two fried catfish plates from Merl’s Diner for Maggie and I. I gave mom a big hug with lots of glowing praise.  I was not expecting that at all and that made it all the sweeter and much more appreciated.

“Thank you for doing that for Maggie and I,” I told my mother as she drove off to go feed dad his own box of fried goodness.      

Practice Makes Perfect…

I had a very young man who asked me this morning how to get certified to work on personal computers.  He is working now on getting ready to take the GED exam – honing his reading and writing skills. 

“Lots of hands on experience is the key,” I answered very honestly. “Lots of studying and determination as well.”

I told him to drive down to the bookstore and buy a workbook that guides you through taking the A+ certification exam.  It is a study guide of sorts. 

“It is a gigantic and thick book so don’t get discouraged!”

A lot of it will be archaic computer information, but a lot of it will be relevant as well.  You have to take the good with the bad. I told him if he had any more questions then I would be glad to help him in anyway I could. 

7:00 PM

It is ten after seven, near to twilight, and my father has closed his pharmacy for the day. Charlie and Horsefly have also arrived in the Chevrolet that just doesn’t quit and they have locked the doors and turned on the alarm. Horsefly will fixate on some oral hygiene product like mouthwash and carry it around while Charlie does the books and reconciles the cash registers for the day. They’ve done this routine for as long as I can remember and that is a very long time. You can also catch my father watching trashy TV in his back office from time to time as well. It’s his way of winding down at the end of a busy day.

I’ve tried to make Maggie’s and I’s evening perfect for us. Maggie and I both got a Brunswick stew and barbeque pork sandwich meal from Roger’s. It is expensive, but oh so delicious.  Worth every penny paid. Maggie is now zonked out with a full belly at the bottom of my chair and at the foot of my feet. She’s one happy pup and out like a light for the night. 

Dad will be by around 9:30  to 10:00 PM to check on Maggie and I. Maggie always alerts me to his presence and to quickly put on some pants and put my cap on. I will have been asleep for up to an hour or so. I never complain about it.  We have to make sure Maggie has fresh food and water and my father also asks me various questions about current events trying to keep me on my toes. He will ask me questions like what is the day and what is the time. I always surprise him with what I will know. I am not living in a vacuum here.

Let’s Lock ‘em Down, Baby!

I’ve spent most of this beautiful and sunny morning setting up administrator and guest accounts on the Literacy Center’s computers.  You now have to have my password or my director’s approval to install any extraneous programs on our computers. That’s one way to nip it in the bud as older versions of Windows will grow more and more unstable the more junk is installed.  The registry becomes bloated, conflicted and corrupt.

Every morning one of us brings in a sweet treat breakfast to share with the whole gang.  Today was my turn and I bought in two big boxes of assorted Krispy Kreme donuts. They were a hit and I just finished off the last of the donuts myself.  What makes donuts so addictive? Especially still warm and fresh donuts? Pure manna from heaven I say. 

Record Lows Set…

I was already in the bed last night when my father called. I fumbled for the phone in the dark of my bedroom.

“Lagrange had a record low last night,” he told me excitedly. “It was 36 degrees.”

“It seems we went from spring right to fall and forgot about summer,” I said with a pained air to my voice.

Summer is my favorite time of the year. I told dad to visit a few Internet weather sites and they all show the lower nineties next week for high temperatures. 

Covert Operations…

My mother called me a few moments ago. It was good to hear her voice.  She sounded quite well and upbeat today.  She had put my sodas on the back porch for the evening.  As I was pulling into the back driveway to my parent’s house, I could see that my father’s Honda was in the driveway.

“Shit,” I muttered very harshly under my breath as I turned down my car stereo in preparation for a stealthy operation. .

I was hoping to avoid my very influential father today.  My father makes me an utter nervous wreck lately for some reason. I guess I am scared of him still after all these years. Dad keeps trying to psychoanalyze me and it is growing tiresome. He asked me the other night what was the hardest most tumultuous event I went though as a child. He wouldn’t like what I had to tell him and I kept it for myself, but it would be of no use to anybody anyway.  Water under the  bridge as they say – go forward or go mingle with the past.  I chose to go forward. Lord knows, I have made quite a few mistakes myself over the years that’s for sure.  I just hope I have the good sense to realize when I am wrong and promptly admit it.

I noticed the backdoor was wide open as I crept up the steps.  I also know dad was hoping to catch me unaware as I came up the steps of the deck. I stealthily grabbed my plastic sack of six sodas and got the hell outta Dodge faster than a greased pig at a county fair. 

Lift Thine Spirits…

It never seems to totally amaze me more than the fact that you get to be my age in life and can still be mostly illiterate.  This is not a third world country we are living in.This is 21st century America. I should feel lucky as I got an excellent public school education. Most of these people just helplessly fell through the cracks of what is supposed to be gaining literacy skills. I will say that most do have rudimentary reading and writing skills which does make things much, much easier. They just need some basic help to hone their reading and writing attributes.  “Never give up hope,” was what I was telling a discouraged coworker earlier. Something that can ring true with regards to my life as well.  Never give up. There is always a sun filled, cloudless day on the horizon. 

I = Fail at Life…

“I’m worried about you,” my momma told me tonight with lots of empathy thrown in. “You always call me everyday and you haven’t been doing that lately. And you didn’t get your sodas today as well.  That’s something you haven’t missed in years when you are well.  They are still sitting on the porch.”

“It’s just a touch of depression,” I told my mother playing it off so she wouldn’t worry too much. “It will pass in a week or two.”

I drove over to get my sodas after getting off the phone with mom just to assuage some of her worries.  I didn’t mean to miss that.  I’ve just had lots of things on my mind lately. I’ve been very preoccupied for some reason – mainly my new volunteer position.  Juggling all my responsibilities can be a full time job for me in and of itself.  If I miss or do anything out of the ordinary for me, the family mental illness klaxons go to sounding loudly. Kinfolks seem to come running out of the woodwork to put out the proverbial fires. 

“How did I, a seasoned underachiever, get born in a family of gross overachievers?” I asked dad tonight when he stopped by after work. “My last life must have been a karmic mess and disaster, and I am paying for it in this life. Couldn’t I have at least been born average? Or slightly above average?”

You Can Rotisserie Me!

Mom just called me from inside the grocery store. The store sounded really busy on this end of the call.

“They have rotisserie chickens on sale for $4.99 in the deli,” she told me.  “Do you want one? That’s a great price.”

Maggie and I are going to eat like Queens and Kings this afternoon. I am also out of mayonnaise and reminded mom to get me some along with some good fresh wheat bread.  I am looking forward to some leftover roasted chicken sandwiches tomorrow for lunch.

“Mom, don’t forget my Vienna sausages.  You got me hooked on those and Maggie, too!”

I thought about asking mom to also get me potted meat and crackers, but I feared I would be pushing my luck too far.

Butterflies Galore…

Today, I was terribly, terribly nervous for no apparent reason about coming into the literacy center this morning (social anxiety?).  I can sometimes have this feeling of impending doom and this acute feeling of sadness from time to time like today.  It is all I can do to fight this feeling and to go about my day, I wonder if people with depression feel this way as well? It “colors” my writing also. I am noticing a pattern to my madness – a feeling of rapid cycling – of great and exuberant joy and happiness interspersed between moments of deep dark despair and depression. And it can change on a whim at any time with little notice.

A Teacher I am Not…

I was telling my director this morning that we need some kind of typing class to teach the skills of typing.  I’ve seen and heard far too many people pecking away at their keyboards lately. Computers and typing are the wave of the future.

“Do you want to teach it?” my director asked with a very warm and very encouraging smile. 

I shied away from teaching it myself although I have fond memories of Mrs. Burnside teaching us to type during high school and all it entails.

Tranquility Base…

Having a pleasant if overcast afternoon of music and way too many sodas. Charlie's cooking ribeyes [Charlie is the patron saint of grilling steaks] on the grill and he told me he or dad would be by this afternoon with a “care package.” That can only mean ribeyes for Maggie and I, and it also means getting to see mom and dad both together at the same time which is rare these days as they will be bringing the goodies most likely.  This will thrill Maggie so much. She will be so excited and beside herself to see two of her favorite people together in the same room. .

What I really have terrible cravings for is chocolate today. Reese’s peanut butter cups would be oh so nice for my almost childlike taste bud palette. I don’t want to ruin my supper. I might have to make a midnight run to Fat Albert’s for something sweet tonight to satiate these cravings, though. A couple of warmed up honey buns sounds nice about right now.

Coordination is the Key…

I was talking to mom earlier about my groceries.  She goes about this task seriously as if she were a neurosurgeon operating on a brain.  I just told her to get me what I got last week.  That will make it easier on her.  You could hear her very audibly sigh in relief on the other end,  My only special request was a big bag of “fun size” Snickers bars. I didn’t send her on some crosstown scavenger hunt like she did to find me acceptable frozen biscuits.  . 

Billy, My Billy…

I bet you’ve all heard of The Smashing Pumpkins, right?  Do you know Billy Corgan, the lead singer, broke off to form a new band called Zwan? The album does not disappoint. I have always loved Billy Corgan’s voice. He was the heart and soul of The Smashing Pumpkins. Zwan is kind of like Smashing Pumpkins 2.0.

My afternoons are spent listening to music everyday lately. I curl up in my Laz-E-Boy with a soda and my iPod and I am in heavenly bliss. It is just one of many obsessions I have every so often  I have been known to doze off and wake up several hours later as well. I’ve gotten some of the best sleep in years dozing off in that old, but soft reclining chair.

Yesterday, Helen cooked a tasty meal of fried pork cutlets, steamed cabbage, butterbeans. carrot salad, and cornbread.  I used to would never eat carrot salad as a young man and child, but I love it now.  Who thought that carrots, mayonnaise, and raisins would go together so well?

Possibly Maybe…

I was jamming out to Bjork’s pure electronic music bliss on the way home from volunteering. The guy with the raucous hip hop blaring next to me jeered at me when he pulled up at the red light. My new car stereo from Jimmy’s absolutely rocks! Every time I hear Bjork’s music, I always think of her assaulting that person of the press who got way too close to her children in that airport.  Don’t screw with Bjork!  She went wild like a madwoman! One of the more flagrant gaffs in rock and roll or music in general.

Riding down fast-food lane, I picked Maggie and I up some double cheeseburgers. I also got what my father calls my “big ass” coke. Fat Albert’s would call it a “big gulp” soda.  I didn't let her eat them just yet, though.  I deserved some me time with my pup.  I got down Indian style on the floor and she got one of the best back scratches in the whole wide world.  The smells coming from that McDonald’s bag only fueled the frenzy.  I didn’t disappoint her my dear sweet soul.  She got the works for spending the morning all alone. Maggie was always just a one guy kind of gal anyway.  A tear rolled down my cheeks of some recent things that have occurred and I vowed to Maggie she would be safe with me.

“Just don’t go digging out of the fence you silly dog,” I said goodheartedly after scolding her at the same time I was choking back tears.

Learning to Write A Resume…

I stayed up way, way too late last night learning to write resumes again.  I probably haven’t written a resume in ten years and I wrote mine on an ancient typewriter, Remember word processors? I used those as well. This is going to be part of my “job” helping others to write a resume that would result in gainful employment. Now? It seems you email a resume and instead of bringing it with you to the interview. I printed out some good examples of resumes and I am going to bring them in with me this morning as templates. I now also have to make sure all the computers in the computer lab have Microsoft Office installed. I am praying the copies of Office we have are licensed for multiple computers. If not, then we will use Open Office.org which is free and open source.

Ambivalent to a Degree…

Over the many years of writing this blog, I have pretty much been an wide open book about my life sparing you only the grittiest of details. I have also seen many more readers go instead of sticking around. There have been times I have lost my voice and couldn’t speak as well. Still, there are certain things I just don’t want to talk about or share for that matter. That should be within my prerogative, right?  Private stuff for which my naysayers are saying I am hiding something about my or other aspects of my life. I have spoiled them with my candidness. This can get them crawling out of the woodwork with advice and criticism. It  grows rather tiresome, though, but I take a live and let live approach about these affairs, Most people mean well, but a few can get obsessively attached to me and my journal.  I just want to peacefully write a blog that is poignant and interesting for you as a reader. I get a lot of satisfaction just in the sheer joy of crafting and writing a blog. I am not making any money whatsoever by writing this blog daily.  It is a labor of love. Sometimes, a positive comment can make all the difference in the world and a hurtful comment can send me into deepest of despairs. Even my most long term readers, I know very little about. I tend to just regurgitate my life for the whole world to see. 

How Much Wood Could a Woodchuck Chuck?

I was just over at mom and dad’s home unabashedly raiding the fridge and fixing me a few leftover meatloaf and ketchup sandwiches. (leftover meatloaf sandwiches rock!) I walked outside to smoke to see a very large glistening and slick haired creature in the driveway that looked like a beaver. It was a woodchuck of course as I got Dad to look into the backyard but the woodchuck was long gone.  He was overly excited and glad he wasn't the only one who saw it as people were beginning to think he was crazy,

“We’ve also had a litter of foxes last week born in the backyard,” dad told me. “It was been an interesting spring. I feared they would kill Linda Spauford’s many cats, though.“

The Spaufords live next door to my father and my mother.  “Up on the hill,” as we would say. Royalty. They have a kind of tarnished reputation within the neighborhood and a very bitchy persona about them.  Dad loves to call them his majesty and her royal highness being facetious of course.

I’ve Got Those Flat Tire Blues…

Walked out of volunteering this morning to find my CR-V had a massive flat left front tire. I did my most painful looking face palm ever. I then begrudgingly got on the ground and began changing it.  I was a dirty and dusty mess when I was finished, but I did get to drive home without having to call a tow truck and spend those big bucks that would have entailed. That would have surely and most likely added insult to injury.  It will only cost me $25 bucks at West Point Tire and Auto to plug the leak.

The Civil War meets the Computer Age…

“What are you looking at?” my father inquisitively and nosily said as we sat on my couch with our iPads.

“I‘ve been keenly interested in the Civil War these past few days,” I replied.

Dad soon was looking for Civil War information as well.  Dad says him and I are two peas in a pod with regards to our eclectic and nerdy interests.  

Poor Ms. Winehouse…

I am currently enjoying listening to Amy Winehouse this afternoon after only recently discovering her a few days ago.  After doing some researching online for more juicy tidbits about her, I have read several to quite a few derogatory remarks made about the Jazz singer’s alleged promiscuity. “Whore” “Skank” “Slut” “Nasty.”  If it were a guy sleeping around then he would be lauded and given a pat on the back as some kind of ‘Don Juan hero.  Just one of my more cynical views and feelings about the double standard with regards to sexism in modern America. Sultry would be a better word to describe Ms.Winehouse rather than skank.

First Full Day is a Charmer…

My director handed me my new key to the walk-in parts closet and the main room of the computer lab when I got to work volunteering this morning. I was excited and upbeat – ready to get started. I even washed and dried a clean shirt just for the occasion.

“See if you can get any of those older computers working, please,” she said with her fingers crossed and I am sure hoping for the best, but expecting the worse.

Out of about six junked computers, I got three working again. My director was elated as was I to be so helpful to use a quite subdued term as the budget at the literacy center isn't exactly stellar.  I scavenged parts from the older computers (mainly hard drives) to get the newer ones working. I live for this kind of stuff.  My grandfather was a tinkerer as well.

What A Pleasant Day…

I wish all my days could be just like this one… pain and frustration free mentally and productive as far as my future and goals go.  I had my wits and some panache about me when I went to that interview at the literacy agency this morning, and I didn’t have to pop four or five Klonopin to make it through the ordeal of something that can be very nerve wracking and not too fun. Charlie going with me helped immensely as well. I kind of leaned on him for what to say and do.  He has been more of an uncle to me than my actual uncles hence we call him Uncle Charlie.  Dad likes to say that as well – our certain term of endearment for dear Charlie.  

Today was also grocery day.  I have all kinds of unique and interesting food to try this week. Mom is a sweetheart for doing that every Monday.  Maggie wants all the stuff she can’t have like cookies and stuff with chocolate in them. I try not to eat the chocolate chunk cookies when I am around her, but I think she can hear me chewing them from the far end of the backyard. I have also been absolutely hooked on V-8 vegetable juice for some odd reason.  I can’t drink enough of the stuff.  I am praying it is healthy for me, but a nutritionist would probably say it has too much sodium. That’s a way to kick the steps right out from under you and leave you hanging on.

Getting to be an Old Hat at This…

Charlie called me at 8:00am this morning. I had just stepped out of the shower and was smelling shirts for which one was the freshest smelling of the bunch. Typical bachelor like activity

“I am going with you on your first day and then I will have to drive to Dadeville to do my usual job. I gave Charlie a hug when he arrived at my house to follow me and I told him thanks.

“Charlie here says you are very, very proficient with computers. ” The Director of the literacy agency said with a warm and welcoming smile. I felt completely comfortable with her. Good vibes. 

“I like to think I am,” I replied as I blushed.. 

‘Don’t be so modest, “Charlie said, speaking up. “You can fix just about anything electronically.

We all smiled and laughed at my modesty of course.

“We’ll, I think I going to put you at working to keep our computers running in tip top shape.  You will also be helping clients with using the Internet for finding jobs online, applying for jobs and writing resumes. 

I was very excited when Charlie and I walked out of the front door of the building. I start in the morning and will be volunteering every morning for about four hours a day.  I will have Saturday’s and Sunday’s off. 

Maggie at Her Favorite Perch…

Two Very Long Days and Counting…

I was just met by my very sleepy and disheveled looking mother at their backdoor to get my cokes and cigarettes for the day. She gives me six regular Cokes and two packs of full flavored Doral Gold cigarettes every morning. She didn’t leave them out on the porch for some strange reason last night, though. They were still sitting in the hall. She must’ve forgotten which is unusual for her. I was terribly afraid I had already drank them and forgot. I guess I could always just go to Fat Albert’s and buy them, but mom would be a worried mess if I didn’t get the ones she puts out for me. 

“Are you nervous about your volunteer position?” mom asked me for the few short moments I was waiting at their backdoor over the raucous roar of cicadas. 

“I have terrible butterflies in my stomach and I am nervous and anxious,” I told my mother. “I am worried I am going to make a fool of myself.”

“You will do fine,” mom replied with much enthusiasm as she gave me a hug.

“If I can teach English to kids then any person can teach English,” mom said of her teaching days as she smiled,

My biggest fear is the intimacy involved in teaching someone to read.  Who knows?  I might just be emptying trashcans and mopping floors and am worrying for naught.  I may just be a lackey and errand boy. 

Field Peas Versus Beans…

I may need Tee’s help with this, but there is a distinct difference between a bean and a pea.  Peas tend to be very small compared to beans.  They are also very buttery tasting as well and go great with cornbread such as black eyed peas.  My favorite pea brand is the White Acre young early field peas.  I can’t fathom eating beans such as kidney beans that go into chili. Beans such as baked beans always taste chalky to me for some reason.  They are certainly not nearly as tasty as peas in my humble opinion.  

Dinner is Served…

Maggie is just now in the kitchen trying to find out where those delicious smells are coming from.  Luckily, for my and mom’s sake, my mother picked the menu for today. We had Helen's wonderful meatloaf, creamed potatoes, fried okra and field peas.

I Love My Covers…

“What did Horsefly just say?” my proverbial ears pricked up as I inquisitively asked Charlie that question as Horsefly vigorously paced through every room of my house – stopping only to turn the overhead lights on or off as he left each and every room. I could almost see furrows forming in my hardwood floors Horsefly was pacing so vigorously.

Horsefly's spoken language skills grow harder and harder to decipher and understand as the years go by. He seems to be devolving instead of evolving on those regards about language. He will soon be 40 years old as well this July. It will be twenty two years since he graduated from High School. Charlie worries about the acute lack of socialization Horsefly has in his life thus the degradation of his language skills we think. 

“He is saying he loves his covers and he wants to go back to bed,” Charlie replied, laughing.

A grin from ear to ear formed on my face. I loved Horsefly saying that. It was so simple, but struck a cord and rang true. I love my covers, indeed! Horsefly knows how to live large on a paupers budget!  Charlie soon left so Horsefly could go bowl until he was a sweaty mess and then eat at Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Vestiges of Work’s Past…

I am still up at odd hours lately. My body just loves to get up around 5am.  I am not complaining mind you as it gives me a good start to the day and I have traditionally always been an early riser.  And every day I am mentally fit is a blessing to behold and should be cherished as if it were my last. I have had some periods where I was just an absolutely miserable old soul with my diseased brain. I always thought that handful of medications dad would give me nightly made me mentally ill.

I asked George last night what happened to that 1981 Dodge Diplomat he drove for decades when he ran his fly-by-night taxi service.

“I sold it to some kid for a $1000,” George told me chomping on a cigar. “I still see it around town.” 

George and I had some good times in that car.  I seem to be waxing poetically this morning for some reason.  A little bit of nostalgia maybe? I would do anything these days to roll back to the time of those good moments and memories.

I Could Get Used To This…

I am getting a much better and sounder sleep sleeping at night instead of the day. Recently, I’ve had a little trouble with insomnia and now I am asleep moments after my head hits the pillow. This alone has been so nice and a welcomed addition in my daily life. The dogs seem to be enjoying having me around all the time as well. That will change next Monday when I start my volunteer position, but Charlie is hinting that I will be volunteering around 4 hours a day. So the dogs won’t be left alone all night to raise hell, drink beer, and play video games while I am gone. 

A Good Swift Kick in the Ass…

Is what I need… I am lamenting the fact I lost my job today.  Electronics is my forte and until I got sick again, I think I did a pretty darn good and awesome job. I understand that they need someone who comes into work on time and is coherent so I bid adieu to Wally World. It is still a bitter pill to swallow, though. It is the first time I have ever been fired in my life.

I also prayed with every fiber of my being that I wasn’t mentally ill – that all these countless medications were the culprits.  I always had to learn my lessons the hard way – always have and I always will. Dad has been known to say my noggin is three inches thick.  

The Very Definition of Impetuous…

If you looked for impetuous in a dictionary, you would find my mother in the definition.  Mom’s and my little dilettante ended up with us carrying both Maggie and Caramel out to the veterinarian for their annual booster shots and a checkup this afternoon.

“You will be glad to have it done,” mom told me patting me on the knee as we drove to Dr.Thomas’  I had vehemently complained that I didn't want to do this today earlier.  For some reason, I just haven’t felt entirely up to snuff and have found it hard leaving the threshold that is my front door. 

I will have to admit that mom was right, though.  I am glad to have that finished with for another year as it’s traumatic to the dogs and equally traumatic to their owner.

Chicken Livers Anyone?

I was just standing in Mrs. Florene’s bright yellow and cheery kitchen a moment ago as she was frying french fries and chicken livers on her stove. 

“Stay and eat with us!” Mrs. Florene begged. 

“I am fixing to head home,” I shyly replied as I waited for George to return from his room with some things he owes me.

“Do you like chicken livers?” Florene asked inquisitively.

“When I was younger, I loved them,” I told her. “But they have grown out of favor as I have gotten older. Their taste can me kind of overwhelming and strong.”  

Summer Asks…

“Your mom loves taking care of you and that makes me smile. I keep meaning to ask you how you are doing with your smoking. Have you been able to stop?”

Sadly, no, Summer. I haven't quit smoking.  I have drastically cut down on the amount I smoke, though.  I am only smoking a pack a day these days.  Mom gives me two packs a day and I usually only need one.  I have a freezer full of cigarettes at the moment.  I had a college roommate that swore one time that keeping the cigarettes in the freezer kept them fresher. Thus, the cigs in the fridge.

“After you wrote about the cicadas a few posts ago, I researched them on line. You must be getting the 13 year ones like we are supposed to get here. During a normal summer, I don't hear them until the end of June. I wonder if they will come early this year. Bzzzt!”

Aren’t the cicadas so characteristic of the South and Southern living? I am pleased you take such pleasure in these Southern idiosyncrasies as well. 

Excellence In Grocery Delivery…

It’s Monday again. Grocery day. My favorite day. They seem to come faster and faster the older I get – these Mondays. Weeks fly by at the drop of a hat, Tomorrow would also be the traditional day that I would get my injection of Risperdal in the old derrière. I shuddered at the thought of that. Let’s give praise that those days are over. I much prefer to take the pills. It was a nerve wracking “adventure” every two weeks to get those injections. 

“Hey!” Mom exuberantly said as she pulled up to the curb with my groceries and rolled down the driver’s side window. Maggie could hear her car several blocks over and alerted me she was on the way. I was waiting on mom outside when she pulled up. “I got you extra V-8 juice and hot sauce this time."

“Thanks, mom!”

I started to drag in my groceries as I told mom to look at the dogs yelping and barking on the back of the couch. They were so excited to see her.

“I guess this means I should come inside and see them,” mom said slowly and begrudgingly getting out of the car.

Any “accepted” visitors are warmly welcomed inside by Maggie and Caramel.  The guy trying to mow my lawn a moment ago got a good “Get the hell away!” maniacal barking session from Maggie and Caramel. 

Demon Spawn or Scooby Snack?

The cicada swarm has finally reached this end of town.  The sound of their calls are so loud it is about all you can hear outside and is easily heard inside over the din of my television.  I was trying to get a photo of the extremely loud ruby eyed bugs yesterday to put on the blog.  There were all ensconced deeply in the trees around us yesterday.  At least, that was what I thought. I was about to head inside as I heard a loud crunching noise.  It was Caramel getting some extra protein and nutrients as she munched down on a cicada.  Soon, Maggie joined in on the act and I threw up a little in my mouth.  “Well, old girl,” I thought of Maggie. “There goes your diet.”

Growing Excited at Life Again…

“What would you say about a new job volunteering and helping at-risk adults with literacy?” Charlie asked me late yesterday evening. 

“I would love that!” I exclaimed with a little apprehension and trepidation in my voice. “Could I handle this?” I worriedly thought.

Charlie is the director of a local community action agency for the government – a job he’s had for years and years and excels at it..

“Now, I am going to need you to be very steady,” Charlie told me growing very, very serious. “It will be like a job as far as that is concerned. They need people they can depend upon.”

“I will be Johnny on the spot!” I told Charlie excitedly. 

Luckily, the volunteer job is only a few miles from my house.  Actually, less than a mile as I just drove over there to look at their little blue/gray building.  This was a double bonus with gas prices so high.

“I figured you would want the volunteer job so you are signed up to start work next Monday,  They, at the agency, badly need some help so are excited at getting you!  I gave you glowing reviews so don’t let me down.”

I had so many thoughts after I got  off the phone with Charlie.   Will I be teaching English?  What kind of at-risk adults? How many hours per day? All pieces of the puzzle that will soon be put together for me I finally concluded. 

The Amazing Technological Johnny…

Dad didn’t realize you can install “apps” on your iPad.  He is still learning the ropes as far as that gadget of his goes.  We installed some Twitter, Facebook, and several other weather apps last night. He seemed pleased as we went to my computer room and signed up and registered him for a couple of the services. Dad wanted to find more out about Facebook the most he excitedly told me. I got him set up on Facebook and walked him through using it. 

“Be forewarned,” I told my father. “You are going to get a lot of old high school friends contacting you. And be doubly warned about Farmville!”

I chuckled about my Farmville remark. Dad didn’t get why it was so funny. He would soon find out on his own.

Dad seemed eager to get home and play with his new toys but before that we drove over to Sonic and got two chocolate shakes as a treat.

“It was $4 dollars for a freakin’ chocolate shake!” my father exclaimed.”That’s highway robbery!”

‘What’s one thing you would want the most if you could have anything?” my father asked as we sat in his car drinking our delicious shakes.

“I would hope and pray for good mental and physical health,” I replied to my father.  “Without your health, you have nothing. It puts everything into perspective.”

I could see dad ponder this thought as we drove home. He said his father said something similar as he was lying in the bed dying from an inoperable brain tumor in the sixties.