More of This and More of That…

• Y’all keep the Navaho Indian rain dances coming, or if your Christian then pray.  We’ve had a literal deluge of rain and thunderstorms lately and the grass is really growing fast which means much more business for me.  I’ve had two large lawns to mow these past few days – fifty more dollars for the coffers.  I don’t think I could stand another hot, dusty and rainless summer like we had last year. 
• Maggie's job as chief of backyard  security ended yesterday evening as she resigned effectively at midnight. She got the barkies one last time too many at such a late hour.  The dog door is getting locked until 7am every morning these days overnight.  “We’re closing down the kitchen for business for the night,” as my grandmother used to say. That always worried my brother when we were kids as there was no door to my grandmother’s kitchen
• As I was driving over to get my sodas this morning, I was listening to Edie Brickell's album Ghost of a Dog.  I hadn’t heard that album for years and it was like listening to it for the first time.  The CD has held up nicely over the years.
• I showed Helen she was on the internet using my iPad.  “Am I really on the internet??” she asked with a childlike innocence and exuberance. “I wish you would have taken a picture of me in my Sunday best!” Helen forlornly chimed in. “That makes me look fat!” 

What Makes My Mother Tick…

I was sitting reclined in the den comfortably reading the last of the Harry Potter books with the TV droning on almost inaudibly last night The Crackberry rang interrupting the silence. It startled me and I jerked in my chair. I had a moment of total stimulus overload for a second there. The room started to spin.

“Will you go with me to get gas for my car?” my mother asked me sounding urgent and ever impetuously. “I am almost out and I already have my pajamas on.”

This translated to I have a half full tank, but I am already obsessing about getting stuck somewhere out of fuel. Or they could sellout of gas in my mother’s mind. Mom said she was lying in the bed and it was all she could think of.  She couldn’t sleep for tossing and turning.  She was afraid an accident would happen and she wouldn’t have enough gas to get to me and my house.

Dad’s pharmacy has an account with a full service gas station just up the road.  They still check your oil, fill you car with gas, and wash your windshield. We filled up, charging it to dad’s account, and soon were on the way back up the Valley. You could very visibly see mom sigh and then relax. I hope she slept well and relieved last night. She just couldn’t handle all that last night so I took over.

George Foreman Who?

Yesterday evening, Helen was bearing gifts and dinner plates – one of those large bonus sized George Foreman grills.  Helen had also cooked her delicious chicken pot pie.

“It is good at making decent grilled cheese sandwiches,” Helen told me of the grill.  “But that about all it’s good for.  I know you like those cheese sandwiches.”

I was excited about getting it to have an array of toasted sandwiches in my arsenal of sandwich goodness.  I was already daydreaming of cheddar and ham on toasted rye bread. And I assumed it would amply fry sausage.

Doggone It’s Grocery Day…

Monday’s are my very most favorite day of the week because it is grocery day.It seems time slows down toward the end of the week in anticipation. The cornucopia is now open for business – overflowing with all manner of good things.  By Sunday, my cupboards are always looking bare. I am looking forward to preparing my mother’s delicious spaghetti and meat sauce later this week. Annabel would really, really enjoy that. We both can't stand beans in our chili as well.  We seemingly have kindred taste buds.

I don’t have much to do today at the Literacy Center so I am just going to hang out, goof off, and blog and browse the Net until lunchtime just in case someone needs me.

Mom has already called me three or more times fretting over my groceries. Mole hills into mountain tops should be mom’s motto. She’s worried about spending too much as I need a lot of groceries this week. She is so afraid my father is going to jump all over for doing that.

“Your daddy said I could only spend $75 dollars on you this week. “ said my mother. 

Traditionally, I have always gotten $85, and only rarely above $100 dollars once or twice. 

“You two do realize that disability money is mine?” I asked my mother with an aggravated air to my voice marking the beginnings of a possible revolt by the peasants.. “It is just entrusted to you and dad to be spent for my wellbeing and my needs. You both lose sight of that alarmingly often.”

Mom and dad long ago took to thinking that money was theirs.  

“Then spend some of that money on me!” I replied exasperated to my mother as she waffled over the affair.. “I don’t think Social Security or dad are going to begrudge you doing that.”

Throughout This Day I Wandered in No Direction…

A few short moments ago, a stately looking silver haired waitress walked over to my booth and asked if I wanted a refill of my soda. Bless her. The Waffle House was extra busy this afternoon.

“Yes, please,” I told her in return with a warm smile as I looked up at her.  (I tipped her five dollars for the excellent service.)

When my father was trying to inhibit the amount of sodas I was drinking, I would love to eat at the Waffle House for the free refills. Still do. Dad always believed I could get high off of caffeine.  I was sloshing I drank so much cola this afternoon.  It was my own very laughable version of civil disobedience against my father. 

I treated myself late this late afternoon to what my father and his mother would call “breakfast for supper.” It was a tradition of my family in my early days as a child. I ate the ham and cheese omelet with grits, hashbrowns, extra toast and extra bacon.  My father would also call that the heart attack on a plate.

I had no real direction in my life today and it was kind of nice and meandering – not having any responsibilities or pressures, Smooth sailing and no worries for the day. Tomorrow, it is back to the old grind. But I am excited to get back to volunteering. 

Sheesh, I Would Be Wishing to Be a Buddhist…

Helen had warned me last night that she would be very late today.

“You know us Baptist black folks,” she told me as she laughed. “We make Church an all day event every Sunday.”

Helen Says, “Hello!”

The Cat is Out of the Bag today. Helen let it loose. Dad is paying Helen to come and see about me on top of what he is paying her to fix lunch everyday for my mother and I.  I guess I should be grateful for such kind friends and caring people (it is the slightest bit unnerving, though that I need someone to look about out for me.).  Helen has just left after delivering me my lunch and spending over thirty minutes with me.  Bless her heart.  We were both talking like little chatterboxes today.

“I put onions in your mother’s tuna salad today,” Helen told me earlier. “She didn’t like it one bit!”

“My mother is a wildcard! And don’t throw away that extra tuna salad as I love onions in mine as well,” I told Helen with a sense of urgency.

Mom will put food like that straight into the garbage disposal pronto if you don’t quickly act on it to get it.

More Change is Afoot…

I just drove down to my father’ s pharmacy a moment ago.  They were getting ready to open for the day and everybody was busy doing their opening tasks.  The pharmacy is only open for three hours on Saturday much to everybody’s relief. Angie looked at me standing outside and thought something very bad had happened as I never go to my father’s pharmacy without him being there.  I don’t want to impose on my father’s employees in his absence. Angie came up front and unlocked the door to let me in.  Sandra, dad’s cashier, is going to put more of my lawn care business cards in each bag of prescriptions. I had to drop off more business cards.  I am going to give it a good concerted effort to reboot my lawn care business. It would be nice to have that extra or any income coming in this summer.  I don’t want to see my hard earned savings depleted. That’s my “play” money.

I asked Angie, my father’s long time chief co-pharmacist, if she is going to buy the drug store from dad when he retired.  She has worked for dad for over 20 years and is the logical choice.

“Oh no!” Angie said with a apprehensive took on her face and a nervous chuckle.  “This place will run you ragged. I don’t want all that responsibility.”

Macaroni and Meatloaf…

Helen asked me yesterday as she sat in my den about my favorite things she cooks.  It was hands down her meatloaf and creamy macaroni and cheese. Her fried chicken was a close third. 

“Oh!” Helen said with a sigh.  “I hate my meatloaf and can't understand why your father and you like is so much.”

I thought it was interesting to hear Helen say that about her own cooking. Don’t believe her as her meatloaf is divine.

“Now, my mother makes the best meatloaf I have ever tasted,” Helen fold me.

I was just shocked that Helen’s mother was still alive and still cooking. I’ve never heard Helen speak of her until yesterday.   

Is the Sky Falling?

Helen did something she rarely does yesterday.  She called me when she was getting off work at my parent’s house telling me to lock Maggie in the bedroom and that she was coming over to my house with my lunch. Helen is deathly afraid of dogs – even a dog as small, harmless and innocuous as Maggie is.

Helen brought me two tuna fish salad sandwiches wrapped in wax paper made with that fancy white meat Albacore tuna which was much less “fishy” than regular tuna.

“Now, don’t go missing lunch again,” Helen said with a warm smile as we sat in my den. “You are much better at conversation than your mother! It can get to feeling awful awkward with her.”

Helen also had to make sure Maggie had food and water via my father’s request.  This always makes me feel like a peon who neglects his pets. I have never, ever even given dad a reason to suspect this. Just another one of those tendrils of control I have yet to unravel – fodder for my therapist.

Obviously, my father, Charlie, my brother, and Horsefly have set out on their cross country trip to San Diego after flying to Washington DC.  I am thrown to the whims of Helen and my mother,  I hope they treat me kindly. Actually, I am pretty self reliant these days so everything should be A-Ok!

People Fascinate Me Many Times…

My vegan Twitter “princess” who is trying to live and eat a healthy life over this past two years is constantly afflicted with various ailments.  I eat what I want and never get sick.  I thought of mentioning to her to try a different course of action, but it would just offend her.  Other humans can be such fickle and finicky creatures.  She also keeps signing into 4square at her place of employment and that sends my alarm bells to clanging.  It is sheer stupidity and it makes me cringe something terribly when I see her do that. You might as well paint a red bull's-eye on your back. 

Freedom of Speech as Long as It is Aggrandizing…

Kevin “The Homeless Guy” Barbieux.is still up to his usual capricious behavior (much like me) that has plagued him all his life. He is back to writing his blog after a 2 year hiatus.  I am sure that this has more to do that his laptop computer is about to go kaput and he is going to start a begging campaign for a new one.  There is always an ulterior motive for The Homeless Guy for anything he does. His first post on his blog in forever was about freedom of speech and he has never allowed such a thing on his blog calling it “emotional abuse” ironically.

The Commandeer…

I chose the best computer where I volunteer as mine. he he  No ancient Pentium III computer for me.  Instead, I am having to get by with a less ancient and lowly 2 Ghz Pentium 4 which seems screamingly fast with a fresh install of Ubuntu. 

Recapturing that Yard Care Magic…

I still have four yards I mow every two weeks and they are all on my street which makes it easy.  Occasionally my “Benefactor” will call me with a handyman task and he always pays well.  I guess it is time to whip out more business cards and hit the neighborhood streets this afternoon.  I was so gung-ho about this last summer.  I want to rekindle that magic and that same feeling.

We’re Past Hump Day So No More Humping Till Next Week…

My music tastes are so variable and eclectic these days and run the gamut of interesting compositions.  This week I am addicted to movie soundtracks.  Especially John Williams who composed and directed the Star Wars theme songs and the rest of the music in those movies.  I also found an overture from an album called SelmaSongs that Bjork composed and I have listened to that theme literally hundreds of times. It is haunting.  Also, the Empire of the Sun soundtrack is absolutely stunning and fantastic, and is also composed and directed by John Williams as well. Any orchestrations composed by John Williams or James Horner are usually going to be top notch stuff.

Now That’s My Girl! Much Accolades…

Maggie was very quiet last night thank goodness. I think she may have been pouting with me.  I kind of planned ahead and locked the dog door around midnight just before retiring to the bed.  Maggie got in the bed with me and we slept till our usual 5am.

This morning she went tearing outside to use the bathroom when I opened the dog door.  She won’t let me see her, though.  Strange dog.  Of the five years we have cohabitated together, ever since she was a puppy, I’ve only seen her use the bathroom five times.  Most dogs aren’t nearly so modest. It is just one of Maggie's idiosyncrasies. I can be pretty modest as well unless you get six or more beers down my gullet. Then all bets are off.  

The Land of the Thousand Pound Roast Beef Sandwich (Hyperbole)…

Charlie stopped by again last night with one of those gigantic Arby’s roast beef sandwiches he often brings me. These sandwiches are huge and must cost a fortune.

“These sandwiches must certainly weigh a pound,” I told Charlie pulling out my wallet..

Charlie refused any payment citing it was I who taught Horsefly how to play with kids and talk. I essentially brought him out of his shell.

“I will never forget you for what you did for Horsefly all those years. I am forever indebted to you. Horsefly has some semblance of a normal life these days.”

Charlie then told me to get up my dirty clothes as he was going home to wash and dry them.  I could get spoiled with Charlie doing that every week.

What Next? Do You Expect Me to do Tricks?

There’s Life in that Thing Yet…

Good ‘ole Charlie and I put his nonfunctional and heavy as lead Sony Trinitron television on the kitchen counter as I put in the spare fuse and screwed the case back on.  I was ever cognizant of spare or remnant voltage. I used my voltage meter just in case.  I told Charlie to hit the on button on the remote control.  The screen flickered to life with a crackle and pop of static electricity as Charlie got all excited and vigorously patted me on the back.

“You know?” Charlie said with a broad grin.  “There is no reason why you can’t make a decent living doing this kind of thing.”

“We live in an age of throw away electronics,” I told Charlie forlornly of my aspirations to be a handyman. “It is cheaper to buy a new gadget than to fix the old. It’s our insidious gift from China, Taiwan, and Korea.”

It’s Five AM. Do You Know Where Your Blog Buddies Are? 

I am sure they are all in the bed.  Traditionally, I have always updated early in the morning.  JustLacey would always post a comment on those early mornings and I would appreciate her so much.  There were several of us up every morning at that time and I called us the early morning club. I remember Summer posting a lot as well.  It was a good start to the day.

It's Tough Being a Furkid Parent at Times...

Maggie started it again last night. This is about to get old -- that raucous barking in the middle of the night down in the corner of our fence near the neighbor’s house.  This time she had a tiny, newborn looking little baby possum cornered up in our pecan tree.

“Maggie! Get your little ass inside and quit that barking,” I hollered out the back door. "I want to go to bed!"

More Barking. I’ve learned you get much better results with less punishment and more positive reinforcement.

“Maggie? You hungry? Your want something to eat?” I then said.

Maggie definitely knows those words and she came tearing inside eager to get her sticks of Pupperoni.  I locked the dog door for another night and went back to bed.

Could I Become a Handy Man?

Charlie stopped last night with an older televsion that wasn't working.  I took the case off and checked the fuse.  It was blown. I wrote down the fuse I needed and gave it to Charlie.

"Where would I find a fuse like this?" Charlie asked.

"Radioshack will have it," I told him.

I hope it will be that simple as I would be so proud to be able to fix Charlie's television. He was about to throw it away.

It Feels Like a Sunny Sunday and not a Dreary Monday…

Well, it’s the beginning of another week of volunteering and work for most. Some will rejoice and others will be crying and sobbing with deep dread. This means transporting and tearing myself away from my online fantasy life and back to my more conventional, tedious and less simple existence. And not the meandering life I live when I have nothing to do and lots of idle time.  It all comes out even in the wash as they say I hope.

Yesterday was Father’s day as you all must certainly know.  I got dad a father’s day card with $20 iTunes gift card inside and later showed him how to use iTunes with his iPad.  He wanted to look up some Gregorian chant which is something I also love as well.  Dad and I are both closet nerds (or should I say history buffs to be kinder?) listening to medieval music and having deep discussions about the leaders of the Second World War and other similar topics.  Dad has a long held fascination with Winston Churchill and his speeches..

I’ve been marveling at how fast my father’s Internet service at times – it has blazing speed. We both have Knology, but dad’s Internet service seems twice as fast as my humble arrangement.  

“The account is a commercial enterprise class business service with the pharmacy footing the bill,” dad told me after much prying from me.

Must be nice. LOL  I am not jealous, I swear.  Well, maybe just a little bit.  Oh hell, I am actually terribly something envious. 

A Glorious Day is a Grocery Day…

Mom has called me several times so we are both on the same wavelength about groceries.  I told her I wanted more of those Hebrew National beef franks,   Those things are the best hotdog wiener I have ever tasted. Mom said she would be by at 3pm after her hair salon appointment is over. This is like Christmas for me and it happens every week. Aren't I lucky to be so blessed?

Shopping With Fellow Inmates…

I drove to Kroger with much trepidation earlier in the day to get Maggins and I something up for supper. It is the end of the week and my pantry has gotten pretty sparse in its contents and I know Maggie gets so tired of dog food day in and day out. I think I could hear both of our stomachs rumbling earlier in the day which spurred me onwards to social hell (the grocery store).  Honestly, It was like spending some hard time in a carefully guarded prison camp. I felt an acute sense of being watched causing me to feel felt guilty and I had done nothing wrong. I counted three security guards on duty and a new state-of-the-art surveillance system with cameras everywhere.

When I got home, I called Helen about frying some good cubed steak.

“It rather simple, baby,” she told me with lots of encouragement. “Just salt and pepper both sides of the steak and then coat them with flour. Just make sure they don’t get too overdone by cooking them too fast or the steak with be tough. If you cook them for an hour or more in a covered pan in its gravy on low heat then they will be extra tender after you fry them.”

What would the world be like if we didn’t have gravy? Or Helen for that matter?  I think am going to ask for a ornate gravy boat for Christmas this year.  I never did get my curtains from a few Christmas’ years ago. And yes, I am still mad about it!

Go Give Her a Poke!

This is Maggie doing what she does best. Napping.  The kid in me wants to go poke her and wake her up just to aggravate her.

The Devil is in the Details…

My mother arrived at my home late yesterday afternoon with lots of J.C. Penny shopping bags filled with new clothing for me.  I was so glad it was my mother that went and not my father. My father has a weird retrograde sense of style. He is also color blind. Shopping also always puts me into a deep coma anyway as far as what happens to me when I go with mom on these little outings and adventures.  So I gladly stayed at home. 

“Now, don’t go back to wearing in public all those ratty t-shirts with holes in them all the time, Please?” she told me and asked me as she was scolding me. “And maybe these pants won’t fall down to your ankles when you walk. I even bought you a nice leather belt.“

Yes, unfortunately my mother still dresses me.  She wants me to wear nicer clothes while I am out volunteering and about town.

The shirts and shorts were very fashionable and very contemporarily stylish. My mother has a good flair and intuition of what is modern and in style. She always has.

When I was growing up, my mother made all her own clothes with a pattern, a pair of scissors, thread, and a sewing machine.   That is certainly a lost art and craft these days.

Days of No Responsibility…

I can remember quite a few years ago when I had whole seemingly endless weeks with nothing to do.  Whole days would be spent on the computer browsing the web and writing blog posts as I would nurse a beer.  I would also walk down to the Piggly Wiggly and share lots of beer with George, Slop, Ferret and the gang.  I didn’t have the responsibility of a car so I rode my bike everywhere stuffing everything in my Wal-Mart backpack.. Some people would dream of such a life without responsibility, but it does grow old quickly. Quicker than you would think.  You begin to long for some meaningful purpose in your life – a reason to get out of the bed in the morning  -- a reason to make a difference in the world. Oh, and a 24 beer hangover is not very nice even on the mildest of days and you always had to drink more beer to escape that feeling. The best cure for a hangover is drinking more alcohol.

I also spent a lot more time in the mental/psychiatric wards of hospitals as well (shudders!). At least, East Alabama Medical Center has some of the best hospital food I have ever tasted and you could eat as much as you liked.  A boon for a person with eating disorders like me. Brief Intensive Treatment (B.I.T.) was also a place to find me if I wasn’t at home.  The only thing that is memorable about that place is I remember eating lots of fish sticks and watching lots of very bad TV while I was there.   And arguing with my then psychiatrist that I was ready to go home. I did leave against doctor’s orders a few times over the years.

The Fretting Fretter Beckons…

“I didn’t realize that soup was so old.  I can be so forgetful.  I was just trying to help you,” my mother told me last night very worriedly – sounding full of guilt. “Your father jumped all over me when he got home. He said I could’ve killed you.”

“Oh, it wasn’t that bad,” I told her trying to assuage her worries about my father’s hyperbole. “I was kind of disappointed I couldn’t eat the soup personally.  You know I love vegetable soup. Especially vegetable beef soup.  I was ready to make a big pan of cornbread and brown some ground beef.”

Mom chuckled with a more lighthearted air to her voice. You could hear the worry audibly lessen in her voice as she began to stop fretting.  

Mom told me she was going clothes shopping for me and herself today.  I used to wear a size 44 pants when I was 250 pounds and I am now down to a 34 size at 170 pounds.  All my pants are falling off my hips.  Mom noticed I was trying to hold my pants up with one hand as I was getting my groceries inside last Monday.  I guess I would fit in with the saggy pants trending crowd by pulling my underwear up higher.  I want to show the whole world I wear stark white Fruit Of The Looms!

The Maggins…

As is usual for Maggie and I, we started our morning off to our daily routine just like we do every morning.  Maggie runs outside barking furiously to clear the way for my departure in my car as I go and get my sodas. She sees me putting on shoes inside and knows that can only mean a few things.  Work or sodas. She will still be sitting by the gate of the fence until I return.  I usually have a treat to give to her when I come inside and she follows. This morning she got some Pupperoni sticks for taking care of the house while I was gone. I still think she is in shock from when the plumbers invaded the basement last week.

Pear Salad Down! Pear Salad Down! Call For Backup!

It was a meatloaf and buttery mashed potato night ala Helen.  My mother brought my heavy plate of food as is her usual custom just as it was coming up a cloud as my grandmother used to would say on a stormy night like tonight. The sky was growing as dark as night  with frequent flashes of lightning.  I got my plates of food off the backseat and a extremely strong gust of wind blew my ample plate of pear salad out into the road. Drat! (I said something a lot less nice!)

“I will go get you some more,” mom said apologetically as she started to drive off.

“No,” I told her firmly. “You go home! This is going to be one hell of a storm.”

My father says Charlie and my mother are both oblivious to the weather.   Charlie always tells me when I want to know the weather then just look out my window. “You don’t have to look at that damn The Weather Channel to know what is going on outside.”  I always chuckle when he says that. 

Commenting Away If I Can…

I’ve had the good fortune of having some really nice and likable people commenting on the blog over the years.  I’ve been trying to do the same in return for karma’s sake on certain blogs I like because comments certainly do make blogging more worthwhile and enjoyable. It is kind of like spreading the joy around.  I couldn’t comment on HappyOne’s blog and Cheryl’s blog as well tonight.  That was frustrating.  I did get a comment to go through the other day on Annabel’s blog, though.  That made me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside.   I love her blog and I really like her as a person as well. I also think I got a shout out to Lena at My Personal Lens as well. She is a super trooper for handling with aplomb what she is going through right now. 

Much Like the Company You Keep…

Someone on Twitter last night asked me what happened to George as I never write about him anymore.  Sadly, we went our separate ways for the time being.  George started to hang out with an unseemly crowd – a crowd of addicts and drunks no doubt egged on by that terrible scourge of a woman, his sometime girlfriend, Pookie.  I told him bluntly that he is certainly playing with fire. And I told him I wanted no role to play in his demise.  I did tell him he is still just a beer away from going back to prison, though.  I hope some of my advice wasn’t for naught. I will admit I miss my friend dearly, but I have to carefully guard my own sobriety and sanity as well.

The Great Vegetable Soup Fiasco…

Mom called me yesterday afternoon.

“Do want some large jars of homemade vegetable soup?” she asked. “Judy’s mother prepared them.”

Judy works for my father and has been employed in the pharmacy for years and years. I drove over anxiously to get the soup to carry home with me.  Later in the evening dad stopped by for his usual nightly visit.  Those jars of soup were on the kitchen counter.

“Did those come from our pantry?” my father asked.

“Yeah, mom gave them to me earlier in the day,.” I replied.

“Don’t eat it!” dad exclaimed. “That soup in our pantry is over ten years old!  You will get botulism.” 

I don’t know what the effects of botulism are, but I certainly don’t want it.  It sounds sinister. 

Maggie Was Not a Happy Camper…

Maggie hates getting her flea treatment.  I think it makes her smell weird or something, I held her tight as my father parted the hair on her neck last night between her shoulder blades and applied the solution.  You would think she was dying or being abused. I finally let Maggie go and she went flying out her dog door to hide.  I didn’t see her again until I woke up this morning and she was sleeping next to me on the bed..

Early Morning People That Completely Aggravate Normal People…

Charlie just has stopped by seeing my lights on in my house with tons of my laundered clothes ironed and on plastic hangers. The first inklings of dawn were on the eastern horizon. I had to help Charlie get them all inside.  My clothes smelled extra, extra wonderful as well and Charlie explained what I needed to get my clothes smelling like that.

“You are like me,” I told Charlie with a good hearted chuckle as I patted him on the back, “We never sleep!”

'”Horsefly got choked again this morning,” Charlie told me somberly with worry lines on his face.  “I was trying to feed him a bowl of bacon and grits and it didn’t stay down long.  He’s in the bed now and will sleep all day.”

I told Charlie if he ever needed to travel then Horsefly could stay with me.  I know how to handle him and his needs well.  Charlie thanked me profusely and told me he may need me when he helps my brother drive clean across the country to San Diego.  Charlie is still debating on whether or not Horsefly will go.

It Gave Me a Case of the Lonesomes…

I was chatting with an old girlfriend from high school last night over the Internet.  Oh, did I madly love her at one point in my life. I still have pangs from a broken heart to this day.  She left me without a date to the prom a week before it was scheduled.  Now?  I am very honest about what I have been through over the years and upfront about it.  There is no fake façade with me these days.  There will also be no surprises if you choose to date me.  This will probably mean I will never have another date again, though.  I am certainly damaged goods. I keep hoping someone will admire my honesty and recognize it for the virtue it is. What do you think?  Should I be honest about my mental illness and past or hide it?  I guess I could always put a new dating profile on No Longer Lonely.  A dating and friendship website for mentally ill people. 

The Niceties of a Porch…

My father asked me if we could go sit out on my screened-in porch awhile last night as dusk had grown very cool after sunset.  I was ever eager to oblige – my porch being my place of solitude during cooler times with my iPod in my pocket and my iPad in my hand.  It was 9:30pm and you could still see a sliver of sunlight on the western horizon which astonished me. 

My father had a hundred questions about my volunteer position telling me to do something nice for Charlie in return.  He also cautiously told me I should be looking for a part-time job very soon as my savings will soon be depleted.  He was just worried about me for a change.  At least we can now have rational serene discussions with me being treated as an adult and not a child.  It has taken us about a year to get to this point in our relationship with lots of family therapy sessions thrown in between.

It Gets Ever More Interesting…

No sooner had my father left then Charlie stopped by with gigantic Arby’s roast beef sandwiches and good friendly conversation. He was his usual busybody self as well.  Charlie had a new toilet seat for me as the plumbers forgot to install one.  And sitting on my current toilet seat is like taking a ride on a Slip and Slide.  I then followed Charlie into my laundry room. 

“Bring me all your dirty clothes,” he said. “We are going to try and keep your laundry from piling up.”

I saw Horsefly walk by at a furious gait with my shaving cream can in hand.

“I will buy you a new one tonight,” Charlie told me laughing contagiously. “But that can is Horseflies now.”

Charlie bagged up another load of laundry to take to his house to do overnight and they headed home. 

Hey Ya!

That song by Outkast was playing the night my mother told me to move into my late grandmother’s house and out of homelessness.  It was a pivotal point in my life and I will never forget it.  It was one of the few times I have ever heard my mother stand up to my father in the later years after she was diagnosed as schizo-affective and lost her dominant role in the family hierarchy.  Mom shows her love by actions and not words.  She always has.

It’s All Rather Intuitive I Hope…

I was worried and fretting this morning about our clients having a hard time navigating and using a new operating system like Ubuntu. That was one of Mrs. Pauline’s concerns as well   It is all rather intuitive though – a lot like using Windows in many and most ways. Open Office is also laid out just like Microsoft Office with identical features. I am just going to keep my fingers crossed and give extra help when I can.  

Beautifully Composed…

I am hooked on four songs right now.  The Engine Driver and Leslie Anne Levine by The Decemberists, Push by Avril Lavigne, and Hymn to the Fallen from the Saving Private Ryan Soundtrack.  I found them by accident just browsing around in iTunes.  Sometimes, that is the best kind of music to find – sonic masterpieces the are surprises.  I’ve had the best time lately finding new music to listen to. The Internet has revolutionized the way we listen to music and find entertainment.

Back in my Element…

“What are you doing up at 5am?” you may ask.  I am lamenting the fact that I went to bed at 8pm the previous night, but I have always traditionally been an early riser. I am wide awake now after driving over to get my sodas which were luckily on my parent’s porch this morning.  I still have hours to go before volunteering, but I am excited about being there this week.  I have some big plans today to make using computers at The Center to be a more enjoyable experience for all.  We are going to simplify the computing experience and uninstall all extraneous programs and clean up the hard drives.  I want to move all the computers to Ubuntu Linux and Open Office – all open source software and free. This will take all week for me to do.   I’ve already gotten permission to do this by my administrator as it will save us lots of money in the technology and computer budget. 

We Are All Crazy in Our Own Way…

Charlie always says that in my defense and I love to hear him say it. That we are all crazy in our own way and we all have certain idiosyncrasies.  He always cites his obsessive hoarding as an example.  The house Charlie bought next to me is just full of Charlie’s hoarding junk now.  You can barely move inside of it. 

My father and I drove down through the Valley and got us a burger late yesterday afternoon.  Dad was talking of my mother and her siblings and how they’ve all exhibited signs of mental illness over the years.

“Would you want to be married to your aunt?” dad asked me.

“Oh, no, no, no,” I replied as if I was repulsed and I was.

The biggest casualties of mentally ill parents and love on the battle field and marriage were the children dad and I both agreed upon.  There has been a lot of wrecked households on my mother’s side of the family – innocent children thrown to the fray of crazy, petulant and selfish parents.   Several of my cousins are already in and out of the legal system and addicted to substances. 

Will You See the Grand Canyon?

In two weeks my father embarks on another cross country drive to move my brother and his family from Washington DC to San Diego.  I don’t envy dad of  this task as I am scared of driving these days, but he is excited about it personally. 

“I am getting Helen to cook you and your mother a hearty meal everyday,” he told me. “Don’t miss it.”

Eat this Cake. Drink Some Milk. And Call Me in the Morning…

Well, I managed to go to the Juneteenth festival yesterday afternoon for a very, very short time before my social anxieties got the best of me. It was a beautifully sunny and cloudless day, and the temperature and humidity weren’t too oppressive – just perfect for such an outdoor event. I just couldn’t resist the temptation and bought one of Mrs. Florene’s decadently chocolate pound cakes after I arrived.  The last thing I did last night before I retired to the bed was to eat a thick slice of creamy chocolate pound cake goodness and drink a ice cold glass of milk.  Divinity!  Poor, poor Maggie just couldn’t understand why such a wonderful and delicious smelling thing couldn’t be shared with her as well. We share everything.  No chocolate for dogs, though!  I heard it directly from my veterinarian's mouth. I had to practice a little tough love yesterday evening which is not easy for me.  If I had kids or grandkids then they would run all over me I would be such a sappy softie.

I really hadn’t seen Mrs. Florene much in weeks so it was good to see her and give her a big hug.  “George was doing well,” she happily told me. “He hasn’t had a drink in what seems like years,” she also told me over enthusiastically.  Don’t push your luck and wake sleeping giants was what I thought of George and his drinking. I would never dare say that to Mrs. Florene, though. I wish George the best despite the odds being stacked against him these days.

A Drain By Any Other Name…

The plumbers completely freaked Maggie out yesterday. She stayed right by my side all afternoon worried about what was going on. It was the most excitement she had seen in years. It sounded like the house was being torn apart board by board as they installed new pipes under the house.  I have perfectly modern plumbing in my home now.  They got rid of the old cast iron pipes and substituted it with PVC.  I am hoping and praying that’s the end of my sewer issues and slow draining sinks. My house now reeks of that chemical and solvent smell of pipe joint sealant, though.

July 7th Approaches…

July 7fh of last year was the day I decided to change my life and regain my freedom.  Socially inept is one social aspect in I think I’ve grown away from the most this year.  I was determined though – determined not to be labeled as mentally ill.  I learned the hard way as I always have to do that you can’t just will things away like that just like cancer. You have to take your medications and work with a therapist.  I have one life to live and I am going to have to live it the best I only can.  Mental Illness or no. Damn the torpedoes and full speed ahead. 

I also realized that there is a price for freedom as well.  With freedom comes responsibility.  My recent plumbing expenditures are a good example of this.  But the home is mine and I didn’t have any qualms for those expenses treating it as if it were an investment.

The Juneteenth Festival…

I was listening to the infamous Amy Winehouse as I rounded the corner to my father’s and mother’s house this morning.  I had it up quite loud – reveling in the rustic jazz with interesting harmonies and raspy vocals.  The stereo I bought and had installed at Jimmy’s car stereo is quite the sonic marvel to behold.

“Don’t ride around with your music so loud,” dad said scorning me critically at his backdoor after I had knocked. I felt like a teenager all over again. “You’re going to wake up the neighbors.”  I guess what I was doing was teenager-esque after all. 

Like A Bat Outta Hell…

The previous night, dad and I couldn’t find Maggie and we both panicked.  We looked everywhere in the house and yard. Maggie never misses an opportunity to see my father. I strongly feared she had gotten out of the fence and was dead in the road somewhere.  I finally looked under the basement and there she was all wet.  The plumber must have shut her under there when he left.  I chuckled as she went flying out from under there to see Poppa. She came out from under that basement like a bat outta Hell.   

The Juneteenth Festival…

Mrs. Florene has already called me twice this week about her church’s Juneteenth festival.  She said she had some really good baked goods she was selling and wanted me to buy some as I would enjoy them the most. I had initially agreed to go, but now I just want to stay home and veg out. The idea of just getting bathed and dressed seems a gargantuan task just like Atlas holding the weight of the world on his shoulders.  I just drove by there getting my sodas for the day and the field by the church is already full of vendors cooking and getting ready for the festival. It starts at 11AM so I have a few hours to decide, but I am not going to let it stress me out as it normally would.

Casey Anthony…

Dad had asked me last night if I was watching the Casey Anthony trial.(“Who isn’t?” I thought)  He asked me what I thought.  I hadn’t watched much I told him honestly, but what I’ve seen reminds me of a sociopath just like that homeless guy in Nashville’s blog I follow. She’s getting her fifteen minutes of fame only to crash and burn at a later date with the day encroaching ever faster and faster.     

Learned Something New Today…

That my new neighbor across the street is a super cool down to earth guy and not just some haughty taughty doctor. We just spoke as I was out getting my mail out by the road.  His two kids were squealing and chasing each other through the yard with toy light sabers ala Star Wars.

“What did you get?” he asked me of my mail as he stood at his mailbox a few feet from me going through envelopes.

“Bills, bills, and more bills,” I replied stymied. “And mostly junk mail. Need some discounts on Kentucky Fried Chicken?”

“Seems to me that we both need to write the Post Master General about our same little predicament,” he said with a smirk on his face that turned into a smile and then a chuckle.  

I hope Joyce’s Soul is Resting Well…

They put Joyce’s, my deceased neighbor’s, house on the market today for the first time in years.  I hope good people buy it.  It is a humble home just waiting for a good family to move in.  It has been mighty quiet in my neighborhood for years now with the ousting of my drug dealing neighbor to the right and with the deaths of Joyce and now Ed.  I do hope that Joyce and Ed are eating turnip greens and cornbread together in Heaven.  

It’s Fried Chicken Time!!!

My father called me late last night just before I was retiring to bed. I was just reaching up to turn the bedside lamp off when the phone rang.  Maggie also gets excited when the phone rings so she went bounding off the bed to the stand with the phone.  Her tail was wagging something furiously as she could hear my father talking on the other end.

“What do you want our Helen to cook tomorrow?” he asked.

“Fried chicken,” I said back to dad excitedly as if I had been dwelling on it all day. “You pick the vegetables.”

Dad said he wanted some more of Helen’s sticky rice and gravy. He also mumbled something about having fried okra. 

My father finished by asking me if I wanted biscuits or cornbread. I chose biscuits as Helen’s cornbread can be kind of hit or miss at times.  I don’t know why, but Helen’s fried chicken sounded so good last night. Really good.  Mom will drop off my plate like clockwork usually around 3PM.

Model Railroading Certainly is Fun!

I was overjoyed yesterday afternoon when I got notices in the mail that my mother renewed my yearly subscriptions to Model Railroader and Railroad Model Craftsman.  I am purely an armchair participant in the hobby, but it is sure fun to get the surprise of a new monthly magazine in the mail. 

V8 Vegetable Juice to the Nth Degree…

Mom has been bringing me two quarts of ice-cream for months now around lunchtime on Fridays. About the time she gets out of getting her hair fixed.  Well, I thought I would never say this, but I am tired of ice cream.  I cautiously asked mom this morning to bring me two jugs of V8 juice and some Crystal Louisiana style hot sauce. I want to make some nonalcoholic and super spicy  bloody marys.  I bet it’s going to give me some terrible heartburn, though.

Shining Globes…

What a beautiful and gorgeous sunrise as I drove over the big hill by the elementary school early this morning to get my sodas – a start to the day to be remembered and to revel in.  Once again, Helen was in the kitchen preparing breakfast.  Dad was in the shower getting ready for work.  And mom was still in the bed with her cat Muffin waiting on Helen to tell her breakfast was ready. 

“Here baby,” Helen told me as I was leaving through the kitchen’s backdoor with my sodas and she handed me a brown bag with something quite substantial in it. “You will like these.”

Inside of it was two sausage biscuits with mustard just as I like them.  Carl in the movie Sling Blade liked his biscuits with mustard as well.  Just don’t compare me to Carl, okay?

Up and Down on the Roller Coaster of Life We Go…

I realized this morning I haven’t seen much of mom this week.  She hasn’t called much as well.  Dad said she is in one of her down swings as far as her mental illness is concerned.  For mom, this entails spending lots of time in the bed sleeping. 

“Our secretary is on sabbatical,” were my father’s exact words from last night.

Despite the many obstacles,conspiring against her, mom did manage to get Maggie’s heartworm medications sent to me via my father the other night.  So there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.

Andrew’s Day of Avoidance…

Didn’t work out quite like I had planned.  I was overjoyed when the FedEx guy showed up at my front door around lunchtime with my big package full of new compact discs I had ordered.  My elation deflated when the plumber stopped by later again and told me I was going to have to call the roto rooter guy to clear my sewage lines. They are coming today. Sigh, one more problem.  Then the plumber could get to work.  

“Owning a home and being responsible for it and keeping it up is a job and expensive,” my father told me bluntly without sympathy last night before I was to retire for the evening. I didn’t let my father’s harsh words get to me or get me down, though. There are also a lot of joys and freedoms from owning your own home as well.  The benefits outweigh the detriments in my humble opinion. 

Also, I almost panicked this morning when my new computer overheated and quickly shutdown. I quickly realized the problem which almost brought tears of joy to my eyes it was so simple.  A wire from my exertions the other day was blocking the fan from rotating.  I was so thankful it was something so simple.  I love, love my iPad, but don’t want it to be the sole source of ways to author my blog or write comments.   

I Don’t Wanna Do Anything Today…

Avoidance of any and all responsibility and human avoidance is the motto for the day.  I am going to do my my best for my four hour volunteering stint here at the center this morning and then just vegetate in front of the TV watching the weather with my iPad in my lap for the rest of the afternoon and night.  If anyone knocks on my front door today or calls then they are just shit out of luck. Royalty is just not receiving today as dad often puts it about my mother and I and these days we have that are like this. 

I woke up around my usual time of 7am and immediately drove over to pick up my sodas. That first soda from the freezer is always the best and I was anxious to get them.  The cokes weren’t out on the porch much to my dismay, but Helen was already busy cooking breakfast in the kitchen.  I knocked on the back door and she got my sodas out of the basement for me as I sat at the kitchen table. Helen was cooking cheese toast, scrambled eggs, and grits.  I wish I could’ve stayed for breakfast, but I was already running late.          

The Goal Was Two Steak Biscuits…

Oh, and I had a psychiatrist visit this morning in Opelika after volunteering at the center for a short while as well.  My doctor asked me what I was struggling with most these days as I sat down in her posh office which pleasingly and always smells of peppermint. 

“My eating disorders for the most part,” I told her very honestly, watching her reaction carefully and closely.

I told her it embarrasses me and I don’t like to talk about it much. “Guys just usually don’t have eating disorders other than getting fat.” She strongly urged me to bring this to the attention of my therapist.  My therapist and I are currently working on setting healthy boundaries for my family members and I. And I don’t want to disrupt this process.  I’ve seen the most personal and mental growth the likes of which I haven’t seen in years through this process.  I am finally learning to tell my father no and he complies – no more running roughshod through my life and affairs.    

Dilly Dallying…

Not much to really be said on this end of the spectrum this morning.  I spent most of the morning organizing the wiring in my new computer I built a few months back.  It was like a bird’s nest of wires inside the case restricting airflow. I also feel the more you toy with the insides of your computer then it exponentially increases the likelihood that something will go wrong so I didn't have the cover off for long.  Static electricity can be the bane of a computer repair person’s existence -- ruining internal components.

The Death Knell for the Elderly…

Mr. Ed., my very good neighbor, passed away late last night from complications from a broken hip and hip surgery.  Dad called me in the waning hours of last night with the somber news.  Mr. Ed would have been 90 years old next week.  I never knew he was that old and and how interesting his life was as well.  Did you know he was a professional standup comedian in his younger years? That astounded me when dad told me that about Ed’s life.

“He could put on quite a show in his younger and more animated days,” my father said to me last night. “He performed a show at the church one time and it was hilarious.” 

A Cauliflower Among Other Things…

“What do you want our Helen to cook tomorrow?” dad asked me as we were refilling Maggie's water and food bowls in my laundry room last night.

“Can she cook a cauliflower?” I asked dad in turn.  “Memaw used to make the best cauliflower with a creamy white sauce and cheddar cheese sprinkled on top. “

“I’ll go see what they have fresh at Kroger,” dad told me and he left.

It will be interesting to see today what dad decided on.

Running Late for an Important Date…

Boy, was I a supreme, utter, and complete screwball this morning.  I got halfway to volunteering and realized I had just left my beloved lunch at home.  I immediately did a u-turn and drove home to get it.  It was just a couple of salami and cheddar sandwiches and two bananas, but I sure would miss them come around 11am and close to lunchtime when the hunger pangs would hit.  On the way home, my low gasoline warning light also came on in my CR-V.  How did I let that slip by me?  It meant I had about 30 miles and I would be out of gas. Well, it has worried me the whole time I was at the center that I wouldn’t make it to the gas station when I got off. Just another one of those frantic and crazy mornings in the life of me.

On a More Positive Note…

Last night, I ordered John Mayer’s greatest hits.  I haven’t been this enthralled and enamored by a singer/songwriter in a very long time.  I also ordered a Avril Lavigne compilation compact disc as well that I don’t have high hopes for, but would love to be pleasantly surprised by it. It was a pure gamble purchase. Sadly, I liked the way the cover of the CD looked. Don’t laugh! :-)  I am also enthralled by The Cranberries as well these days and dug out all my CDs I had of them.  .     

She’s Grounded…

“Come look at my poor car,” mom just said over the phone. “I hit the garage door again a minute ago and your father is just going to kill me.”

I quickly drove over to my father’s and mother’s house and it wasn’t too bad.  Around a $500 fixit job on the front right quarter panel.

“I am just the worlds biggest screw-up,” my mother told me wiping a tears out from under her eyes.

“No,” I replied as I firmly patted my mother on the back.. “I’ve got you beat by a longshot in my father’s eyes on those regards.”

That last statement did elicit a smile from my mother.  I hope it made her feel better.